I want to start this off by saying that my dad is really great, both as a father and as a person, in many different ways. I love him so much and I want him to be happy and to have a good relationship with him.

Lately, however, it’s difficult to be around him. He has always been really controlling when it comes to me, my sisters, and my mother. Things always have to be done his way, or he throws a tantrum and acts like the world is against him, even when it comes to small things. I’ve always been afraid to ask him for anything because of this (I mean, really small things, like making food when he’s in the kitchen). He is often in a bad mood which is understandable given the things he has had to deal with over the last year (he almost lost his business and his own father died). But he will take it out on us at times; sometimes I think he finds it stressful just to be around his own children or to have a conversation with his wife.

The hardest part is watching the way he treats my mother. She tries so hard to make him happy — she cooks him food and cleans the house and even recently cleared out our garage for him all on her own. This in addition to the work she does for their business, educating me and my sister (we’re homeschooled), and helping me apply to colleges (I’m heading off in the fall). My dad doesn’t seem to recognize any of it. He often acts like he and his work are so much more valuable. He refers to everything as “his”: his house, his business, his car (my mom’s car), his children, his food, his living room… Once in a while he’ll thank my mom for “all the work she does” but it’s so empty because I know he doesn’t think she does anything, and he’s sure to make that clear whenever they’re in an argument over something.

Just yesterday, my parents got into an argument over money. My dad started saying things like he was going to die young, and my mom would be able to meet another guy and run off with all of his life insurance money. He said it was going to be her fault that he would die young because of the stress she puts him through.

I try really hard to ignore my parents’ issues, namely because I know I’m not seeing the whole picture. I have my own life, I can’t fully understand what either of my parents are going through or what their lives are like. But I can’t help but feel angry and heartbroken witnessing this struggle between them.

My relationship with my dad is almost non-existent, especially after he tried blaming me and my younger sister for his relationship with my mom. His reasoning was laughable (he said it was our fault because we didn’t keep the house clean, stressing him out and, I guess, forcing him to be bitter toward her), and he even apologized, but it was still extremely hurtful because I think he actually believed it.

All of this said, my dad is not a totally heartless, immature person. He does work hard to ensure that we have food and a roof over our heads. He gives me and my sisters loads of business advice whenever possible and is very encouraging when it comes to our dreams. He believes we can do anything we put our minds to and does his best to make us believe the same. I know he wants us to be happy and that he loves us. But his presence makes it difficult for me to do anything important because all I can think about is all of the stressful, hurtful things he’s done. Since I don’t have a car, I’m stuck at home pretty much 24/7. I have insomnia and am stressed out almost all the time. It’s really awkward to cross paths with him, because he always acts like nothing is wrong. I don’t want to be cold and distant, but I don’t want him to think everything is okay or that I don’t care how he treats my mom. But I don’t feel like I can talk to him about it, because (first of all) I don’t even know what I’d say, and (second of all) I doubt he would take me seriously since I’ve seen it happen with my older sister who tried bringing up many of the things I’ve mentioned.

I don’t know what to do. I can’t live the next eight months like this. I want to get out of here in the next couple of months, but I also don’t want to run from this because I know it won’t automatically solve everything or fix me and my dad’s relationship. How do I deal with this?