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Stupid and used

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  • #193241
    JuzzzMeee
    Participant

    <p style=”text-align: left;”>Out of the blue,  my ex boyfriend contacted me.  We spent the whole week together.  He told me we needed to talk so we went to lunch.  Before lunch,  he got a call from a girl.  We went into the restaurant and he was still on the phone.   I asked him if he was going to stay on the whole time.  He hung up and then told me that if we stayed together,  I had to be clear that that girl was his best friend and he will drop anything to help her and her daughter.  They were not best friends when we were together.  I said so basically, I would be second best.  He said only until he gets some things taken care with that girl then we will talk to see if we can get back together.   I feel so stupid and used.  I do appreciate that he was up front with me.</p>
    This might sound shallow but I  was also  hurt to find out he would buy her lunch,  etc.  When we were together,  I paid for everything… dinners, hotels,  casino, etc…

    Thanks for listening and any input is greatly appreciated.

    #193307
    anita
    Participant

    Dear JuzzzMeee:

    I don’t know if it was an act of honesty with you, when he told you that he will drop everything (you included) if that other woman needed you, or if he was re-establishing your rules-of-engagement, which based on this thread and your previous thread is that you don’t matter in the on-again-off-again relationship with him.

    What do you think?

    anita

    #193401
    JuzzzMeee
    Participant

    You’re right,  I don’t matter to him at all.   I feel so alone and insignificant.

    #193411
    Mark
    Participant

    JuzzzMeee

    I invite you to put you and your relationship in an different context.  You matter to yourself.  You matter to others.  You are not alone.  You are significant.

    He does not define your worth.

    There is a good reason why he is an “ex.”

    Mark

    #193413
    anita
    Participant

    Dear JuzzzMeee:

    You are significant to him to communicate to you that you are insignificant to him. He gets something out of it, some benefit. Beyond the money you spend on him.

    Significant enough to use.

    As far as your significance as a person, your worth: he is not the authority over your worth. He is not qualified to evaluate and decide on your worth.

    “used” is in the title of your thread. That reads true to me. Insignificant, no, that doesn’t read true to me.

    It will be nice if you are significant in someone’s life in a different way, one where the two parties communicate to each other care and respect.

    anita

    #193469
    JuzzzMeee
    Participant

    Thank you,  Mark and Anita!

    We talked on the phone for a little while today but he kept getting upset with everything I had to say so I finally told him I think I should move on.   It hurts but for the better.   I accidentally called him later.  I was reading our texts and hit the dial.  He texted me and asked if I could call him back later.  At first,  I was going to ignore it but I texted back saying,  sorry I didn’t mean to.   A few minutes later,  I texted call that is.  Now,  I feel stupid.   I should have let it go.   Ugh!

    #193511
    anita
    Participant

    Dear JuzzzMeee:

    You are welcome. To expand a bit on my point from my last post to you: you are significant to him, unfortunately. Unfortunately because it doesn’t serve you well, that you are significant to him. For his own reasons, he needs to … make you feel insignificant, so he does.

    I wrote the above in the present tense. But I hope you do put him in the past and that any thoughts about him will be in the past tense.

    anita

    #193797
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Juzzzmeee,

    Things don’t look promising. There is no indication of any definate plans in the future with you. Just an “if we get back together”, yet he will drop everything for this woman and her child. I am wondering, why all of a sudden they are so cozy? I think it was also very disrespectful of him to talk to her so long on the phone while he was supposed to be with you. Is this also something he will be doing on a regular basis, say you do get back together, and if so, how would you feel about that? I know if it were me, I would not want to be a third wheel or second best. He is showing rudeness and innapropriate behavior to you and catering to her. I would be pretty angry. I think you can do better. An emotionally available man, who just wants to live and be there for you. In the long run, I don’t think you would be happy with him. x

    #194685
    BenzRabbit
    Participant

    Hi JM,

    Sometimes we connect with people from our past…..and it hurts when they don’t feel the same as we do – but nothing in life can be one-sided….it takes 2 people to make a relationship work!

    What’s done is done…..you did the right thing being the nice giving person you are!!

    Spare yourself more heartache and be strong my friend – you deserve better!!!

    GOD Bless!

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