Dear allicia,

Whether or not to go back, the choice is yours and only yours. You are right in saying that you still have time. I agree with Anita, try to relax and not get so stressed by school, after all it is only temporary.

In the meantime I think it would probably be a good idea for you to see a therapist if you can, to try and look deeper into the issues we discussed and to manage your anxiety better.

Dear allicia:

In the post before last you considered completing your degree in architecture because you were afraid, when you posted that. Then when you wrote your last post you realized you didn’t make a decision made when calm, but instead, a decision fueled by fear.

Your distress is significant and ongoing. I think you are stuck in an intensely felt obligation to please your father/ family/ society. I wish you could take a break from school and attend competent psychotherapy where in a safe environment, with a trustworthy, empathetic therapist, you can make your decision.

Is there anyone within your family who will listen to you, attend to you in your distress and help you take the break and attend competent therapy? Someone in your family who believes that your mental health is more important than a degree, time, societal-timeline-expectations?

anita

You are welcome, allicia. You are going through a difficult time, at times more difficult than at other times, but like you wrote, it is not THAT big, not a catastrophe. Keep as calm as you can, make the changes that you need to make (the transition…?) and your life will get better and better.

anita

Dear allicia:

Anxiety is so common, I think it is … normal. More people are anxious than calm. How anxious? Some more than others, depending on the time in one’s life.

You are not irritating to me. I see a young woman who is scared, that is all.

You care so much about the time line (at what age you are expected to do what), and you don’t want to be late. So you rush and rush- your brain is rushing with thoughts and that causes you trouble.

If only you can slow down? Get out of the mental trap where you are rushing and rushing and getting nowhere.

Time out, you need time out, somewhere relaxing- spend some time in nature, visit a relative who has a calming affect on you. Stop the racing brain and then think, slowly…

anita

Dear allicia,

I am sorry to hear that you are feeling bad. But I am not surprised, like Anita I think this is normal. You are going through something at the moment and it’s not easy for you.

I know this movement of back and forth with anxiety, sometimes you manage to calm down and then the scary thoughts come back again, because you feel like you don’t deserve to be calm and happy. Is this how you feel now? I am wondering if the anxiety is not some kind of punishment you are giving yourself, not consciously of course. But I know how it works sometimes, you relax and then all of a sudden a voice inside of you says – how can you just relax there when this and that are wrong! When you are dropping out! How dare you be relaxed and happy when you are doing something you shouldn’t be and it’s all your fault! Does this sound like the kind of thoughts you are having? Let me know if I’m wrong, it’s just a thought I had.

I do think it would help you to see a therapist, can you make an appointment anytime soon? Sometimes when you make an appointment and know that you will see someone soon, the anxiety calms down a bit already.

Dear allicia,

I understand. I believe that you should make the choice that creates less stress and anxiety for you, and not think so much about the possible consequences. If you feel equally anxious about both options, then it’s probably best to take some time off as Anita suggested to get some distance from it. And try to see a therapist either way.