September 30, 2017 at 10:15 am #171073
When I wrote to you the last post I did not think that you were inclined to try to save him, that you were inclined to do what I suggested in the last paragraph: “If you, lost_star, insisted on saving him…”
I can see now that it can easily be read … as if carrying perhaps an aggressive tone, as if I believed you were about to go about saving him. But the spirit with which I wrote the above was that of entertaining the thought, not at all believing that your state of mind included such inclination.
Your thinking has been clear for as long as I remember, at this point. You still have my WOW!
* unrelated: your contribution on another thread was very helpful and I wanted to let you know I appreciate it. In that thread you led to me correcting my use of the verb “reject” which led to much improvement in my understanding.
anitaOctober 2, 2017 at 7:43 am #171245
Thanks for the clarifications! When I read your reply, I was worried you had picked up something I said that suggested I would still be inclined to save him. Worried cos I thought it might have been a blind spot of mine and whether it was some indication that I am still stuck in that cycle of wanting to rescue him! I am relieved to hear that it was not the case and yay that I still have your WOW! 😉
Actually it is also good that you brought up the point about if I had insisted on saving him then what the likely trajectory would be. It reaffirmed that what I did was correct then – to accept and respect his decision, exit his life gracefully and not beg or prolong the suffering. Somehow my intuition then told me to just leave gracefully 🙂 Although there were times when I wondered if I could have fought harder or convince him otherwise but I think like you have pointed out, it would not have ended well. At least when I exited his life gracefully, our relationship ended on a very beautiful note and we were able to keep the goodwill from the loving months we shared with each other.
On another note, wanted to share with you something my friend told me yesterday. I was sharing with her my growth since the breakup. (I also shared with her how wonderful you have been in helping me seek clarity!) She told me that she could see the difference in me and that she can see I am a more complete individual now as compared to before. She sees me doing things on my own and that I am more independent and living life my own way! I felt happy to hear that my growth was observable from a third party. Then we both said that actually the breakup was good in the way that it really pushed me to grow.
*on your unrelated note: It means sooo much to me to know you appreciated my input on the other thread! Thank you!! I am always apprehensive about disrupting your flow with the owners of the threads and whether it would take it to another direction from what you intended. I am glad it helped and I was happy and amazed to see how you brought the part on “reject” to a whole new level with the owner of that post! I thought it was so clever to use the definition of reject. And coupled with your rapport and trust with the owner, I saw how you helped to bring her forward on that theme 🙂 I was secretly cheering both of you on as I read the developments.October 2, 2017 at 8:13 am #171249
You are welcome. You don’t read to me like a lost star, by the way.
Thank you for sharing your experience with your friend, it is very positive. And I am glad you followed up on the other thread and noticed how your input benefited my input there and the communication that followed. I welcome your conscientious input anywhere.
You are thinking and doing very well and therefore it is a pleasure for me to read your thoughts and to read about your effective choices, which follow good thinking.
anitaOctober 4, 2017 at 8:38 am #171493
Hehe, maybe I should call myself not_so_lost_star then! I suppose I feel like I found my place in the sky now and will shine brightly! Hopefully it will bring light to the people around me too 🙂
Thanks for helping me find my place and enabling me to shine too! Will continue contributing when I find moments to and will come back to find the wise lady on the mountain too.
Take care Anita! Sending you light and love 🙂October 4, 2017 at 8:53 am #171499
Funny thing, I do live on a mountain. But my internet connection is not great and I often lose it. Shine at times, not all the time. Need to turn off the lights once in a while and rest.
You are welcome and thank you for your good wishes and … I just noticed that I am smiling, first time today.
anitaOctober 5, 2017 at 9:24 am #171713
I cant help but laugh when you shared that you do live on mountain! So my imagery is quite accurate afterall – a wise lady tt literally lives on a mountain! What are the chances 🙂 it is a good thing in a way too that your connection is intermittent then you would have time to go on your walks and appreciate the beautiful mountain views!
Just like how I would also take breaks from shining and recharge myself too 😉
Smiled to myself when you shared on your smile yest too. The wise lady on the mountain smiles and the shining star in the sky smiles back too 🙂
A rather pretty imagery to me and a comforting one too. Feels so serene.
And I truly appreciate our interaction here!October 5, 2017 at 9:32 am #171719
Smiling yet again. My internet connection disappears repeatedly but not for long, it comes back quickly enough, so far. I do copy my posts before submitting because about 50% of the time, the submission doesn’t go through because of lost connection.
I like your imagery of a wise woman on the mountain, the shining star and shared smile. I too appreciate our interaction here, absolutely.
anitaOctober 5, 2017 at 10:49 am #171735
Hi not so lost star!
I have been wanting to reach out to you, to personally thanking you.
I am not sure if you are reading my daily letter threads, but if you do, you would see that the whole things has come to an end.
I really appreciate your replies to my threads, it means the world to me. I would never forget it.
Thank you, thank you, thank you very much.
I wish you happiness and love in life. It is my sincerest wish to you.
-MinaOctober 6, 2017 at 9:49 am #171885
Smiling again too 🙂 I am marveling at the beauty of human connection and how technology has made it all possible for us to connect even from different parts of the world. It is a beautiful beautiful world when people reach out to each other and every kind act adds to the beauty of this world. I am filled with gratitude for people who put technology to good use (the good people setting up this website) and for kind people (like you) who spend time reaching out to strangers in pain.
Oh gosh! That is such a bummer when the connection causes your post to be lost half the time! Copying before submitting is an absolute must then. Downsides to living on the mountain – maybe one day the imagery of you with fantastic wifi connection would come true too. When technology improves one day!
Such a pleasant surprise to see you leaving a comment on my own thread! 🙂 Yes, I have been following your daily thread and there were times when I thought of replying to you too. But the conversation between you and Anita felt too intimate for me to intrude. Thanks for dropping by here so I can also say something to you!
I am so so proud of you and how far you have come. I am not sure if you notice your own growth but seeing your first post until now – from not wanting to accept the reality and knowing you are not ready to face the reality.. until today when you feel ready to accept reality and slowly close this chapter. You have a lot of courage inside you and I am amazed that you have such insights!
I also felt the goosebumps when you told Anita your real name and how you are going to step out of the shadow of the name you had when you were with your ex. I was like awww! Way to go!! Cheering you on silently!
And one thing I noticed is “Mina” is a subset of your real name, a smaller part of your real name. And I am so happy for you that you are going to start a new journey – a new journey whereby you are not smaller than who you are meant to be. You no longer have to be the smaller “Mina” who puts others’ needs above her own. I wish you strength in your self-discovery journey and may you discover who you are truly inside and be the person you are meant to be (not the person your parents meant you to be or any other people)! I hope you will pour all the love back into yourself and I believe you will find it worthwhile 🙂
Thanks for your well wishes too! You are also another kind soul that I got to know through the forum and I am thankful for you too. I learnt alot from your posts and thank you for being so open in your sharing 🙂
Wishing you love and light too!
To both of you:
Thanks for making a difference in the life of this not_so_lost_star! 🙂October 7, 2017 at 5:31 am #172031
Please let me know if this name above is okay to use?
Indeed it is a “beautiful world when people reach out to each other and every kind act adds to the beauty of this world”- and it would have been beautiful if that indeed was business-as-usual, people reaching out to each other with empathy and kindness.
Unfortunately, business-as-usual is that when people experience distress they pass it on to others, parents to children, children to their siblings, to peers at school, and this is the beginning of business-as-usual.
I hope you keep seeing the beauty that is here and there, and keep passing it on… you just have, here I am smiling again. Thank you.
anitaOctober 9, 2017 at 8:17 am #172299
Yes! The not_so_lost_star name is great to use and I welcome you to use it! I did not realise you were using it until “Mina” replied and it struck me that you were using it a few posts before that already. Chuckled to myself to see you used it right after we were talking about me not being a lost star anymore.
And indeed there is the other part of the world that is not so beautiful when distress is passed on to others and it does get quite disheartening too. But I also hope that I keep seeing the beauty and pass it on! I’m glad that you are smiling again too! Reminds me of the song pass it on..
I wish for you my friend, this happiness that I’ve found
You can come join in, it matters not where you’re bound
I’ll shout it from the mountain tops [how apt, you can shout from your mountain top!:)]
I want the world to know
The joy of friends has come to me
I want to pass it on
Another mini update.. my birthday just passed and I was wondering if my ex bf wld msg me.. n if he did what would he msg. and he did msg me but it was more a platonic wish.. in the sense tt we used to have a special term for birthdays.. and he did not use the term in wishing me (I used it when I wished him for his bday)..
and it gave me a reality check that he is making it clear that the past is the past.. and i guess i was looking for a signal from him that he is where i am.. that if he had used our special term.. perhaps he is also holding on? but i guess it is clear that he is not holding on and it is time that I do not hold on to the fantasy anymore.
although I was a little disappointed to see it being so platonic.. but in a way, i am also glad that he is clear and appropriate and did not lead me on. i thought it was once again consistent on his part that he does not give me any mixed signals and he is responsible not to give me any wrong ideas. which i am thankful to him for.. and i do find that he is a very decent man.
so yeah, it kind of gives me the final closure that it is clearly OVER and i should stop looking back and stop habouring hopes. and truly surrender 🙂October 9, 2017 at 8:50 am #172307
Thank you for the song. I like your conclusion at the very end of your post: to “truly surrender”. And I like people being clear, not giving mixed messages. I hope your birthday was pleasant.
Do pass on the beauty in the world and keep the faith in it (“Surrender while keeping faith”).
anitaOctober 13, 2017 at 8:00 am #173009
I had a wonderful birthday – received alot of love from people around me. I count my blessings to have them in my life! 🙂
Your last sentence brought a huge smile to my face – it is beautiful how we came one round to the conclusion back to my title of surrendering while keeping faith. Im like wow! I guess when I started the topic, I was not sure if it was possible. But at the conclusion of this topic/chapter in my life, it is the most apt mantra moving forward. Surrender while keeping faith.
That brought so much peace to me. Thank you Anita. Truly grateful and wishing you peace too! 🙂October 13, 2017 at 8:54 am #173019
Thank you for wishing me peace. And you are welcome.
You wrote, and it is worth repeating:
“at the conclusion of this topic/chapter in my life, it is the most apt mantra moving forward. Surrender while keeping faith”-
if this is the conclusion of this topic, I hope to read from you again, on another thread. It is good to read from you anytime.
anitaOctober 13, 2017 at 8:55 am #173021
* didn’t get submitted correctly…