Dear Cheryl,

You sound positive and constructive, almost optimistic 🙂
Correct me if I understand, your second marriage is still ongoing while your ex husband has withdrawn his financial support?

If I was your ex husband, I would feel used if I support financially an ex who doesn’t want to get back together. His behavior is noral under these circumstances, he wants you to make a final decision and sort these things out once and for all, giving you a green light to get back together if you still want to.
You follow Buddhism. We can always choose what we want to hear from the words of another person. If you are listening through the ego “he would like someone simple” revolves around you and you take it as a remark about you. If you are objective you will only hear that he wants to have an uncomplicated relationship.

I am really sorry Cheryl. It was hard for me to understand the whole picture. Then your self preservation instinct is right.
One either makes a decisive gestures showing their intentions to be with someone, or not.

You have a right to be angry, no need to apologize or feel guilty for your feelings . If you want to let go the key for you is to cut off communication with him would be a start he was only in your life a short period, don’t let it be a lifetime of misery he will cause you. He is set in his ways and you will be in his control as you are now by letting him linger in your life. Go out and do things to make you happy, focus on a new life as if he is not in it , because he is not. If you have not already consult a lawyer and proceed with a divorce, you deserve to be happy , the key to letting go in your situation, is to let go and move on with your life and not hang on to someone who cannot provide the love you want .

I have been with my partner for 4 years now and he has been in jail for all of our realationship i meet him only 2 weeks before he went inside so i didnt really no him at all in the beggining i had cheated on him and later confessed which was 3 years ago but he refuses to let it go we have b broken up many of times as i left because i was always second guessing what it is i really want he is getting deported back to our home country, he doesnt trust me, we are always fighting i have no freedom it is my sisters wedding in bali in October and he says if i go he will leave me and that no women should go off while her man in is jail and now i dont really no what to do i love him so much he is so loyal and i no i will never meet anyone like him but there are also things i want to do in my life im at a major crossroad and if i leave im scared i will regret it but if i stay im scared i will also regret that to! Someone please help me as i dont no what to do

Dear Cheryl,

“I know he is coming from a bad place too , but i want him to realise what he’s lost , I don’t want him to suffer as such .
Writing this I feel so calm and unattached , this is how I want to be but soon as I see a text, my heart pounds like mad and my anger flares up”

Can Buddhism help you let go of the need to make him realize he is lost too, knowing that everyone has to walk their path and if needed, make the mistakes they need to, and understand things on their own and when they are ready? Let go of your need to make him accept a piece of your mind about him or his decisions, knowing that in time he may or may not understand your point?

Maybe your calmness is being disrupted by his messages, because when there are none, you feel unattached, yet you are attached to the desire to “make him realise” which is not allowing you to completely detach from his messages. You cannot make him stop sending them, but you can adjust your expectations from the result of these messages.

As you said, you are already half way through detachment as you feel compassion for him coming from a bad place too, it looks to me that your next step should be to let go of making him understand.