Home→Forums→Relationships→Telling the difference between gut and fear in relationships
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January 22, 2024 at 4:57 pm #427159
anita
ParticipantDear Seaturtle:
Happy Monday evening to you and thank you for the last two lines! As usual, I will write more tomorrow morning, but for now, in regard to the analogy transferring to the relationship with N, this is what I am thinking: when you were upset and emotional, or having a panic attack, he felt like the strong one (while you were the weak one), a feeling he likes, and therefore he felt close to you. But when you were cold, unemotional (strong, in his dictionary).. he felt threatened (his feeling of being strong in comparison to you was threatened), so he emotionally withdrew from you/ didn’t contact you.
anita
January 23, 2024 at 12:09 pm #427176anita
ParticipantDear Seaturtle:
“I will never receive what I needed before“- it’s not that as an adult, you will never receive the support that you needed as a child, it’s that you will never be a child again. As a child, your brain was physiologically developing in ways and at a scale that are no longer happening and will never happen again. The support that you needed back then was a time-sensitive kind of support. There was a limited window of opportunity to receive it in order to develop with that support solidly built into your brain.
“but no need to repeat that pattern and not receive it in my future right?“- you can receive support from others, as an adult, but have realistic expectations about what support can do for you.
“So I need to neutralize this EXTRA need to be seen, before I can actually be satisfied with the amount a healthy partner will see me. This makes a lot of sense… I want to consciously heal, in order to fully neutralize this EXTRA desire to be seen, do I need to see myself? Or perhaps I need to ‘grieve’ my lack of being seen“- Yes, see yourself and see others, both. And (not or) grieve being unseen for so long.
“how do I grieve and lower my expectations?“- see hatchling better.. remember her? We didn’t mention her for a long time. There are all kinds of inner-child exercises you can do in workbooks and probably online. Grieving what you didn’t receive as a child has to include seeing Hatchling more, and feeling genuine empathy for her, a kind of empathy that an empathetic parent would feel for a hurting child. Once she is adequately seen by you, and adequately cared for, your expectations will lower.
“Oh interesting, so I was like N in that I didn’t respect myself/ didn’t want people to see who I was on the inside?“- hardly any human in the whole wide world- if any, past a certain age- is okay with being fully seen by others.
“ You think I would have lost interest for those guys if they gained interest?“- maybe. I don’t know.
“A thought I have had a couple time, N absolutely hated spiders hahaha“- that makes sense because spiders don’t like spiders. Out of 45,000 known species of spiders (so I read), only 23 species exhibit quasi social behaviors.
“I understand the literal meaning of this with an actual spider and fly, but how does the analogy transfer to a human relationship? Is it that he sees me about to leave, he wants to stop it from happening, whereas if I move too quickly he doesn’t get a chance?“-no, it’s that (I am thinking) that he feels attracted to an emotional woman because he considers emotionality to be weak, and he feels strong (unemotional) in comparison. I am guessing that when you broke up with him in a cold hearted manner, he lost the attraction.
I compared emotionality to the vibrations a fly causes in a spider’s web, getting the attention and the interest of the spider, energizing him to approach the struggling fly.. attracting him to the struggling fly.
“I just find myself falling into daydreams of if I had said something else at the breakup, what would have happened, or re-living moments to see what went wrong. And I was wondering if it was a productive thing for me to do or if I should attempt to shut those thoughts down“- no, it’s not a productive thing to do because it prepares you to fly back to where you don’t belong (his web).
“More thoughts on your first post.. Have you ever seen The Good Place?“- no, never heard of it (I don’t have a TV service).
“I have gone through this rabbit trail before and it can be very depressing to think about. My sister did a school project on fast fashion and most clothing brands treat their factory workers inhumanely… To end on a positive note, ‘be the change you wish to see in the world‘ (emoji) and I think just by having these conversations we are bringing some sort of light here”-
– yes, let us be the change we want to see in the world!
anita
January 24, 2024 at 10:42 am #427207seaturtle
ParticipantDear Anita,
“when you were upset and emotional, or having a panic attack, he felt like the strong one (while you were the weak one), a feeling he likes, and therefore he felt close to you. “
wow this makes sense for a lot of different scenarios we were in. This makes me trail back to childhood, and wonder if this is what was going on with my parents, why my mom would cry (a weakness in men’s eyes) and then my dad wouldn’t be as upset with her because some part of him liked that feeling of how weak she was… I feel like I have been rewarded for being weak by my mom… She would fix a lot of problems growing up or get me out of trouble when I needed to face things alone. I will think about this topic more, but N is not the first person to make me feel more loved when I was weaker.
“…seeing Hatchling more, and feeling genuine empathy for her, a kind of empathy that an empathetic parent would feel for a hurting child. Once she is adequately seen by you, and adequately cared for, your expectations will lower.”
Is this why parenting can be so healing? My immediate thought after reading this quote was a vision of myself at like 7 years old and that I wish I could touch my forehead to hers because I do empathize with her circumstances. This reminded me of the first day nannying this little girl, she is 16 months and according to her parents ‘very picky about nannies/people.’ It was such a special moment, it was day one of starting the job and I played with her, K, and at one point I was holding her playing with a toy and she touched her little head to my forehead (happy teary eyed emojy!) It was so sweet, I felt like she was saying she accepted me. Anyways after having this memory I wondered how much inner child-work is possible while you have an actual child near you.
Apart from inner-child healing, but a thought I have recently been revisiting, I wonder where children come from. I wonder if their essence/spirit/soul is literally created in the mother, or if it existed before, in a divine place. I have seen different theories on this idea, I want to believe they came from somewhere divine and only lack the intelligence to share what they know, then in growing up they forget. What do you think?
“- hardly any human in the whole wide world- if any, past a certain age- is okay with being fully seen by others.”
I think I am pretty far on the spectrum of wanting it, but certainly to be fully 100% seen feels like a breech of privacy, like there are some things I’d like to keep so that I am not fully exposed to the world. And certain people get closer than others of course. But I am pretty sure I want to be seen more than most, I wonder if this is a personality trait due to being unseen in my past, or if I would be this way either way.. I know I am this way because I say way more that is on my mind than others do, I talk through my thought process with close friends/family. I think N found it odd, cause he rarely acknowledged or really reacted to what I was saying. But my roommate and friend P, both either laugh or join the conversation. My roommate recently told me that she has never met someone so open about their thoughts and that it encourages her to recognize her own thoughts, I really appreciated hearing this. Something I wanted to hear so badly from N, but never did, probably because he was intimidated and it only made him afraid to share his thoughts.
“…(I am thinking) that he feels attracted to an emotional woman because he considers emotionality to be weak, and he feels strong (unemotional) in comparison. I am guessing that when you broke up with him in a cold hearted manner, he lost the attraction.”
I remember when he would tell me he liked that I was emotional, but his “compliment” didn’t feel genuine, and this makes sense because it was genuine but it wasn’t in the way that I desired. He didn’t admire it, he was attracted to it. I feel like he would alternate between two versions of himself, probably based on whether I was emotional or not.. He would be supportive if I was emotional, but when I was unemotional he would imply I was weak… Like when I had my stuff together, he seemed less affectionate and harsher, so to reward when I was in the emotional state he was attracted to, but also didn’t respect. So then he would never be attracted to me and respect me simultaneously?!
“- no, never heard of it (I don’t have a TV service).”
Do you find not having TV in your life brings you a lot of benefits? if so I am curious what, because it is something that I allow to take up alot of my time and have been recently cutting down..
Seaturtle
January 24, 2024 at 10:57 am #427208seaturtle
ParticipantDear Anita,
I thought more about what I said, “So then he would never be attracted to me and respect me simultaneously?!”
Outside of emotional times, he respected me when I was willing to do the hard things with him. Remember before we spoke about him and I connecting when we went through something hard, like the road trip we got stuck. He was attracted and respected me in battle-like moments, but not at ease in normal life. In normal life he did not understand/ respect my desire to grow, over making money. It was exhausting to receive attraction and respect simultaneously from him, exhausting or random. On the few occasions he actually listened to my thoughts on life, I felt my views were respected and ones he did not expect me to say. His attraction and respect for me is probably an inefficient thing for me to pin point because as you have mentioned humans are complex.
I can’t wait for the day I am not reminded of him.. the smallest things trigger memories and he is in my dreams almost every night.
Seaturtle
January 24, 2024 at 12:13 pm #427215anita
ParticipantDear Seaturtle:
“N is not the first person to make me feel more loved when I was weaker”- think of a dog going belly up when confronted by an aggressive dog, or a dog who may turn aggressive. Exposing weakness (the soft belly) satisfies aggressors, or potential aggressors.
“I wondered how much inner child-work is possible while you have an actual child near you“- it can help, a lot.
“I wonder if their essence/spirit/soul is literally created in the mother, or if it existed before, in a divine place. I have seen different theories on this idea, I want to believe they came from somewhere divine and only lack the intelligence to share what they know, then in growing up they forget. What do you think?”-
– I agree. I believe that our essence exists in a timeless reality, but our human brains cannot grasp this reality, we can only feel it. I see life as the ocean, and each individual life (a plant, an animal, a human) as a single wave rising from the ocean (being born) and then falling back into the ocean (dies).
“I am pretty sure I want to be seen more than most, I wonder if this is a personality trait due to being unseen in my past, or if I would be this way either way“- I think that you have a strong thirst to being seen because of the drought you experienced growing up, in the context of being seen. This is true to me.
“I say way more that is on my mind than others do, I talk through my thought process with close friends/family“- and you do it here, which makes it possible for me to do the same as I reply to your thoughts.
“I think N found it odd, cause he rarely acknowledged or really reacted to what I was saying… Something I wanted to hear so badly from N“- I think of N as.. people of the drought, or just the drought. People in whose company, we are thirsty.
“But my roommate and friend P, both either laugh or join the conversation. My roommate recently told me that she has never met someone so open about their thoughts and that it encourages her to recognize her own thoughts“- you quench her cognitive/ emotional thirst, she quenches yours.
“He would be supportive if I was emotional… when I had my stuff together, he seemed less affectionate and harsher, so to reward when I was in the emotional state he was attracted to, but also didn’t respect“-he was supportive of (and attracted to) you making it possible for him to feel strong (in comparison to you); unsupportive of ( and unattractive to) you taking this feeling away from him.
“So then he would never be attracted to me and respect me simultaneously?!”- I think that spiders cannot think of simultaneous scenarios when it comes to emotions.
“Do you find not having TV in your life brings you a lot of benefits? if so I am curious what, because it is something that I allow to take up a lot of my time and have been recently cutting down..”-
– I purposefully do not watch TV fiction shows nor do I read fiction stories and books because all it does to me is to create fog in my view of REAL LIFE, and my pleasure is in seeing reality as it is, not as what is fed to me by fiction writers and performers.
“I thought more about what I said, ‘So then he would never be attracted to me and respect me simultaneously?!’ Outside of emotional times, he respected me when I was willing to do the hard things with him… He was attracted and respected me in battle-like moments… His attraction and respect for me is probably an inefficient thing for me to pin point because as you have mentioned humans are complex“- – and in some ways, humans are as simple and as instinctual as spiders.
People are attracted to people who make them feel valuable or strong. If a person does not feel valuable, then feeling strong in comparison to a weak person is .. good-enough.
“I can’t wait for the day I am not reminded of him.. the smallest things trigger memories and he is in my dreams almost every night”- this thread reminds you of him. IF you want to start a new thread where he is not a part of, you can.
anita
January 25, 2024 at 12:21 pm #427249seaturtle
ParticipantDear Anita,
“Exposing weakness (the soft belly) satisfies aggressors, or potential aggressors.”
When I read it like this, I am reminded that I felt this way with both of my parents. I didn’t need to do it as much with my mom, she would nearly put me belly up so that she could rub my belly, because that made her fell something, perhaps like a good mother. My father though, was more the situation where I would expose weakness to satisfy an aggressor. With N I don’t recall doing this much, I actually held my ground very often if he would get “aggressive.” If he got verbally aggressive, like the C-word incident, I ask him to stop, and if he doesn’t I just go quiet..but I don’t think this is belly up, I felt I was holding my ground. Contrary to my dad who I would belly up or else he wouldn’t stop.
“I see life as the ocean, and each individual life (a plant, an animal, a human) as a single wave rising from the ocean (being born) and then falling back into the ocean (dies).”
I appreciate this visual.
“- you quench her cognitive/ emotional thirst, she quenches yours.”
Her and I were talking the other night, agreeing neither of us had experienced as interesting of conversation with a male partner before. We wondered if our good “thirst quenching” conversation, was only to be had between women, I doubt this, but I don’t have much evidence to say that is false.
” I think that spiders cannot think of simultaneous scenarios when it comes to emotions.”
As in they cannot experience two emotions at once? Or they cannot link scenarios and emotions..
“– I purposefully do not watch TV fiction shows nor do I read fiction stories and books because all it does to me is to create fog in my view of REAL LIFE, and my pleasure is in seeing reality as it is, not as what is fed to me by fiction writers and performers.”
What do you do instead to entertain yourself, with REAL LIFE? I suppose come to this forum! Do you ever go see plays? I enjoy plays and tv shows, not just for fiction but to see what real humans are doing, someone wrote that script, someone memorized it internally and made it real to them, enough to be something else on a stage.
“- this thread reminds you of him. IF you want to start a new thread where he is not a part of, you can.”
It is true, it does remind me of him, but it also reminds me why I should not go back. Although there are enough messages on here for me to re-read and remind myself when I need to. I wonder what my next topic should be… I feel afraid to start a forum where I don’t feel as understood as I do here. But I know that is not a good enough reason not to try something new. Other topics I am interested in are more inner (hatchling) child work, spirituality and how to stay on the track of fulfilling my purpose here.
Seaturtle
January 25, 2024 at 1:12 pm #427255anita
ParticipantDear Seaturtle: I will read and reply to you later (soon will be going out and into the cold).
anita
January 25, 2024 at 5:52 pm #427271anita
ParticipantDear Seaturtle:
“My father though, was more the situation where I would expose weakness to satisfy an aggressor. With N I… actually held my ground very often if… he got verbally aggressive, like the C-word incident… I was holding my ground. Contrary to my dad who I would belly up or else he wouldn’t stop“- When I mentioned the belly-up response to aggression, or the potential of aggression, I wasn’t thinking about you doing that, but generally. I am not surprised you did this with F, but not with N. Like you said, N was an upgrade over F.
“We wondered if our good ‘thirst quenching’ conversation, was only to be had between women, I doubt this, but I don’t have much evidence to say that is false“- I think that it’s more likely to happen between women because of traditional gender roles and traits taught to and enforced in boys vs girls.
“As in they cannot experience two emotions at once? Or they cannot link scenarios and emotions“- for one, being on a lot of weed every day means that he is not likely to be mindful/ aware of his emotions, plus I don’t think that he thinks and overthinks trying to figure out things )like you and I do), weed or not.
“What do you do instead to entertain yourself, with REAL LIFE? I suppose come to this forum!“- yes, real-life stories!
“Do you ever go see plays? I enjoy plays and tv shows…“- I am sure some plays are high quality and some movies as well. Problem is I have ADD, ever since I was a child, so it is very hard for me to follow conversations and plot development by hearing/ listening. Here on the forums, I can follow details because it’s on the computer screen and I have all the time I need to re-arrange the information, re-read, edit my writings, etc.
“I wonder what my next topic should be… I feel afraid to start a forum where I don’t feel as understood as I do here…“- I am glad you feel understood here! And I have no need or preference whatsoever that you start a new thread, it is totally up to you!
Good evening and night, Seaturtle. I want to say: I think very highly of you and it’s my pleasure to communicate with you!
anita
January 30, 2024 at 12:24 pm #427431seaturtle
ParticipantDear Anita,
I apologize for the delay in my response, you are right in that this forum reminds me of N, so if I don’t even want to open the door of those thoughts I avoid this topic. Throughout this conversation we have spoken about so many things, of those things I would love to venture further on caring for my inner child, seeing myself so that in my next relationship my expectations/needs are not too high for one person. I want to discover more about myself, what my childhood has caused me to need in adulthood. I would also like to talk more about what my purpose is here, when we spoke of dancing, that idea has stuck with me, but I am not sure where to start. I fear never accomplishing anything great and only starting projects that I then tire from. I am highly considering yoga-teacher training school, it would start in april and go for one year. I like that idea because not only could I see myself as a yoga instructor I could also see that platform, and the classes, guiding me to other things as well..
I do not mind starting another forum, although the change makes me wary. You know me better than others do on this forum at this point and it would be alot to re-explain. But I also don’t want to overwhelm you with this task of helping me find my way.
” I can follow details because it’s on the computer screen and I have all the time I need to re-arrange the information, re-read, edit my writings, etc”
I understand!
Seaturtle
January 30, 2024 at 1:22 pm #427432anita
ParticipantDear Seaturtle:
I was wondering about you…!!!
“Throughout this conversation we have spoken about so many things, of those things I would love to venture further on caring for my inner child, seeing myself so that in my next relationship my expectations/needs are not too high for one person. I want to discover more about myself, what my childhood has caused me to need in adulthood”-
– here is an idea: in your mind, in a meditative/ calm state of mind, visualize a parent you wish you had, a Fantasy Mother or a Fantasy Father (you choose the gender) and type away how this fantasy parent is behaving with you/ parenting you in different scenarios, different ages (2 scenarios or more). You can bring to memory scenarios from your childhood, and seeing how your real-life mother or real-life father behaved in those scenarios, think of how differently your fantasy parent would have behaved, and type it away. We’ll take it from there.
“I would also like to talk more about what my purpose is here, when we spoke of dancing, that idea has stuck with me, but I am not sure where to start. I fear never accomplishing anything great and only starting projects that I then tire from”- why do you feel the need to accomplish anything GREAT, and by great, do you mean something that will bring you fame, popularity, the esteem of many… anything like that?
“I am highly considering yoga-teacher training school, it would start in April and go for one year“- research and read what working yoga instructors share about their experience: how different it turned out to be working as yoga instructors from what they imagined it’d be like..?
“I also don’t want to overwhelm you with this task of helping me find my way“- if I feel overwhelmed, I should pace myself and take breaks. I appreciate your concern!
anita
January 31, 2024 at 11:25 am #427453anita
ParticipantDear Seaturtle:
Jan 30, 2024 (page 26): ” I would love to venture further on caring for my inner child, seeing myself so that in my next relationship my expectations/needs are not too high for one person. I want to discover more about myself, what my childhood has caused me to need in adulthood“.
Oct 11, 2023 (page 1): ” I mentioned a fear of being/becoming a narcissist. I believe both my parents are on this spectrum… Every 3 months, not an exaggeration, we (your father & yourself) would have what he began to call ‘house cleaning’ where we would sit down and he would list all the ways I had exemplified being ‘ungrateful’ at his house. I left a dish in his sink at his house, or left my backpack downstairs, basically left any trace of myself in ‘his’ house, he would get upset…. This all has followed me, I worry my partner doesn’t think of me, when he doesn’t put the toilet seat down my head tells me he doesn’t think about me at all. My dad would accuse me of planning my showers around avoiding talking to him, or if I was upstairs when he got home I was expected to come had conversation with him… If my boyfriend is showering by the time I come over I think, ‘wait why couldn’t he plan his shower so he would be out when I got here, he must not care very much about our time together‘… all these are ways my mind just was exhausted living with him and I needed to get away from”-
– If you left any trace of yourself at your father’s house, he would get upset. He demanded to be The Only One in his house. This excessive, narcissistic need on his part to be attended to and prioritized at the expense of you, led to your excessive need to be thoroughly seen and prioritized. It’s a 180 degree response: from zero (no trace of you allowed to be, none prioritized) to 180 (LOTS of you must be seen, allowed to be expressed, and prioritized.. and it could never be enough. It’s about trying to over compensate for not having been seen and prioritized.
Did we talk about this topic thoroughly?… I don’t think that we did.
anita
February 2, 2024 at 12:55 pm #427518seaturtle
ParticipantDear Anita,
This weekend I will be home alone and I am looking forward to entering a meditative state to meditate on your question/prompt, from your reply on the 30th, ‘my ideal parent’.
I haven’t quite gotten used to my new schedule with my new job yet, but I am seeking some routine so I will be more consistent very soon!happy Friday
Seaturtle
February 2, 2024 at 1:27 pm #427525anita
ParticipantDear Seaturtle:
Reading from you just now made my Friday a happy Friday. I am looking forward (very patiently) to read from Meditative-State-Seaturtle!
anita
February 3, 2024 at 9:33 am #427532seaturtle
ParticipantGood morning Anita,
“in a meditative/ calm state of mind, visualize a parent you wish you had, a Fantasy Mother or a Fantasy Father”
In my notebook I started writing to this prompt and I will type exactly how I wrote:
A calm parent, with an open mind. Someone who asked me questions about myself, and genuinely wanted to know me, as opposed to use what they knew to manipulate me.
Someone with grandma-like warm hugs, who I could trust to still be there, when I turned my head. A grandma who moved slowly, and spoke soft.
A Dad who was curious to watch me grow, rather than afraid of it. Who responded with interest rather than concern.
Both of these parents consistently treating eachother softly. More predictability.
Either of them asking me what I wanted.
A mom with advice on how to make friends. A strong confident woman who had self control, who knew what she liked and knew
how to get it.
A compassionate father, who wanted me to be me. Who wanted to know my friends and be involved.
An affectionate dad, with the empathy to see when I was hurting. And certainly never try to cause hurt, and if by accident genuinely apologized.
A dad who let me win board games and told me I was awesome.
A mom who could help my dad see me.
Loving parents, towards eachother.
Reason behind the word “no.” Being treated like I was capable of understanding and maturity.
A dad asking me how I felt, and after I responded, saying it was valid.
A loyal and honest mom, calm and decisive. Her only priorities being her family and herself.
A dad who thought I was cool, funny, and strong. And a mom who was those things.
Seaturtle and hatch
February 3, 2024 at 10:08 am #427534seaturtle
ParticipantDear Anita,
“why do you feel the need to accomplish anything GREAT, and by great, do you mean something that will bring you fame, popularity, the esteem of many… anything like that?”
By great, I mean I want to add to the world. I am afraid I will not make my ideas come to life, and if I do they will maybe not be seen by others, and if it is not seen then how does it make a change in the world. I gave up the desire for popularity when I realized I did not want the attention of those who couldn’t see me when I was being my natural self. If I was popular for being just me, I mean that thought sounds nice, but I think it is just that lack of feeling seen and thinking that would solve it. Part of me has a desire for people like F and N, to see that I am “cool, funny, and strong” (from my post above). They told me I wasn’t those things, more so F, and there’s a part of me that wants them to see that I am. I don’t desire fame, too many people haha.
“This excessive, narcissistic need on his part to be attended to and prioritized at the expense of you, led to your excessive need to be thoroughly seen and prioritized. …It’s about trying to over compensate for not having been seen and prioritized…Did we talk about this topic thoroughly?”
I see how my deep desire to be seen, is as deep as it is because I am over compensating for not having been seen and prioritized. I also agree that those 2-3 years I lived with, mainly, my dad, his excessive needs of attention and priority are part of what I am compensating for. However, I was not seen in so many ways throughout my entire upbringing, I feel like those couple years with him were the tip of the iceberg. Not to mention I was older at that time, so I remember a lot of it, and I also remember knowing it was not right but I couldn’t understand why it was happening or how to stop it.
My little sister, the youngest, A, (the sister that we understand eachother the most) called me two nights ago. She was on the verge of tears because she hasn’t seen my dad since new years because he is constantly on vacation. Hearing her go on and on, reminded me of what it was like to live with him and my mom. her situation is a little different because since she is the youngest, this is her first year alone there to alternate between houses every two weeks. She said how hard and exhausting it was to go from house to house, she said it was like being in a warm place, then opening the door to -30 degrees outside. When she said this, it reminded me of when my parents lived together, and how uncomfortable the environment was with two polar opposites. She said she doesn’t understand who my dad can think their relationship (between A and F) is so great, yet it is so “superficial.” She called me because she was suppose to alternate to my dads this week and he was out of town all week, his house is large and cold and lots of windows, which at night can be scary. She said she called him and he said “oh I told you sweetie that I would be away” she told me he did not, and I believe her, my dad did the same thing to me. She said “sometimes I feel like I need to be physically hurt for him to see me.” this very strongly reminded me of when I attempted self harm, at her exact age. I told her “there is nothing you can do to make him see you, he may tend to you while you are hurt but he will leave again once you are better and in the end you will only have a mark on yourself.” I am so happy I answered her call. She spoke about how she didn’t want to go back to my moms, because that day she was feeling emotional. A is an amazing dancer, and she works as a dance teacher for 8-10 year olds (a job she sought out and has to pay everything she makes because of a dent she made to her car! sound familiar? F is doing the exact same thing to her that he did to me at the exact same age.) She told my mom she felt too emotional to be around kids, she said “kids can sense when you are feeling off and they will then be harder to deal with” A is very aware for her age I am impressed all the time! A went to my mom for advice, wondering why she felt the way she did and how to deal with it, …my moms response, is why I am sharing this, all my mom said to her was “it’s just a female thing.” Hurts me to even type that, my mom seems brainwashed sometimes. A and I both spoke about how our parents are both asleep and we are awake, we theorized on why.
Seaturtle
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