I can’t imagine the pain your feeling. You probably heard the quote ”it hurts to know that the people you’d do most for won’t do the same for you”. The burning ache and its terrible. But there is always a light at the end of the tunnel and when your in the dark the light is easier to see. But sometimes it takes a while. Just give yourself that time and take yourself away and be with you. You can’t love someone else until you love yourself. And sometimes when we get into relationships we become dependant on them for happiness and of course I’m not saying you did that. But when you look at all the people in this world who have survived the most painful emotional experiences; that gives me hope maybe it’ll give you some too.

It’s pretty late, but I ran across these posts that reminded me of very painful times and also what I learned from coming out the other side. First, you must not obsess! Call your friends, go out, but try not to talk about him. Talking about the same thing over and over may feel therapeutic, but after a while you are just triggering the sad feelings by reliving it. He already broke your heart; stop breaking it all over again. There’s a trick where you put a rubber band around your wrist, and when you find your mind wandering back to him, you snap the band and force yourself to think of something else. Silly, but it helps. Second, whatever perfect and wonderful guy you think she would be getting does not exist! All his faults, broken promises, lack of respect…Well, guess what- that is the package she (or whoever) would get as well. Maybe not at first, but he’s the same guy; he’s not his potential. I look back at several serious relationships over 20 years, and every man I thought was going to change and be perfectly wonderful, and some other woman would get all the good stuff and none of the bad, well that just never happened. They ended up with other people, but they had the same issues; they had no interest in working to change or treat people better. Also, broken promises and lack of respect are big deal breakers. Those are not quirks, they are serious personality flaws that could mess with your head, questioning your self worth. Would you want your best friend or sister to get treated that way? Well, you can do better. And it’s also good to realize that one of the reasons it is so very painful is because when we lose that other person, we also immediately lose all of the dreams and plans of the future that we pictured with that person. It’s a huge loss; it’s a kick to the gut. But you do have dreams besides him, and you will find someone to dream with again, someone you can really trust. Last, you cannot be friends with him right now. It would stop you from healing and keep you hoping he would come to his senses. Years could be lost. You can be friends later, if you want. Or maybe you will want a friend who will respect you and keep his word…

• This reply was modified 11 years, 3 months ago by Renee.

Hi Kim. I also empathise with what you are going through. If I’m honest, I’m not sure it’s really him I miss now, maybe it’s what I wanted him to be, or how I wanted the relationship to be that I miss. I do know how you are feeling, the rejection is painful, it hurts. Someone told me that time heals everything, and I think I’m starting to feel the reality of that now. It’s not my heart that’s stopping me from moving on, it’s my mind. My friends and family have been wonderful and constantly reminded me of my worth. You are worth someone who will love and cherish you, treat you with respect, appreciate what you do, and truly be your partner. I really do wish you all the best in your journey. Much love x.