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The new assault on monogamy?

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  • January 16, 2018 at 8:47 am #187009
    LiveQuietly
    Participant

    Recently I’ve seen A LOT of internet writings and “artists” professing that monogamy is inherently unnatural and dead. These people seem to be insinuating that open relationships indicate higher levels of consciousness and deeper understanding. I suppose I understand these arguments but I am lost when people try to down play the benefits/beauty of monogamy as if it was some bizarre error in human behavior.

    Monogamy leads to deeper connections and a more in depth understanding of another person. It is hugely beneficial when raising children. In my experience sex is better more liberating with a long term partner. I always perform better as a human when I am excited to share new discoveries and interesting life experiences with another person I love (when the relationship goes open this zest is always somewhat diminished). The list goes on. (maybe I am just lower on the spiritual totem pole?)

    I am not trying to knock open relationships. I think people should engage in what works for them BUT the bashing and downplaying of monogamy is somewhat disturbing to me. The last few women I’ve dated have taken up this stance & as a man in his late 20’s that would like to raise children it is always a wet blanket.

     

    I’m looking for some short literature/speaking engagements that touche on the many benefits of monogamy. Some things to cleanse my pallet if you will and remind me that there are still people who at least will acknowledge there is a place for monogamy. Thank you & BE WELL.

    January 16, 2018 at 9:40 am #187039
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear LiveQuietly:

    I don’t have literature for you. My input nonetheless is that I believe in monogamy as well, absolutely. Not only “there is a place for monogamy” in my mind, but there is no place at all for open relationships in my mind and life.

    In the animal world some animals are monogamous, many are not. Nature decided monogamy works for some, not for others. We humans have the privilege of making our own thoughtful choices, a privilege other animals don’t have.

    There are a lot of choices people make that I dislike, but if those choices do not hurt others (ex., one partner gives in to an open relationship although she doesn’t agree with it and is hurt by it, or it hurts the children), then I let it be. What I do is not ask for the details… so that I don’t have to “cleanse my pallet” afterwards.

    anita

    January 16, 2018 at 6:56 pm #187095
    Inky
    Participant

    Just some thoughts quickly…

    People are mostly monogamous most of the time. True, we are not like birds or wolves, some of whom mate for life as a biological mandate. That said, open relationships most of the time IS unnatural, it IS unevolved, it breeds too much jealousy (the swingers claim up and down that only the unevolved are jealous, I call bull s***!). It’s good you listen to your HIGHER self that WISELY tells you it’s WRONG for 99.99% of humanity, including YOU (and even them). Truly. Of course, some married couples have, do and will mess around, but it is kept very occasional, and very secret because the state of the household and the well being of the children take precedent over some mistress/Casanova.

    End of Rant, going to turn in!

    Inky

    January 16, 2018 at 7:16 pm #187097
    Inky
    Participant

    Can’t sleep! Another thought!

    I saw a documentary a long time ago (on Netflix??) about the evolution of a hippie commune back in the 60’s. Free Love and all that. Anyway, I had a good chuckle when people were getting genuinely UPSET  (a few years later in the early 70’s now) that people were starting to couple up, have pair bondings, and didn’t want the free love threesomes as much (or any more!).

    Another study was about kibbutzes. Not free love but with this communal living idea. The children would be raised in a house with all the other children and they would occasionally see the parents. Well over the decades guess what happened? People NATURALLY drifted back to family first, commune second living.

    People NATURALLY prefer MOST of the time two partner households. End of story. Family first. Others a distant second.

    Hope that helps!

    Inky

    January 17, 2018 at 12:08 am #187149
    Soul-searcher
    Participant

    I too have read that Monogamy is unnatural for us, i don’t see how it is. Sure as humans we all have needs and wants and temptations, but that does not mean it is because remaining with one person is unnatural and we need to be with many to fulfill our needs. Cheating and sleeping with multiple partners has always been around, i guess now more out in the public than it used to be. I find it so sad that polygamy is now more ”popular” and that Monogamy has now received a bad name. I cannot imagine myself having an open marriage or relationship, i know a few people who are in open relationships and they are happy, but i cannot ever see something like that ever making me happy. I love that i have that one person whom only shares his body, mind and soul with me and no other woman, that i am special to him and that he is special to me. How can you have multiple deep connections?

    I cannot judge others, what works for one may not work for another..but its sad for me to watch others sleeping with others whilst married and in relationships…what will the children think? That this is right..and then we have a new generation of people who believe in polygamy, will the sanctity of marriage remain intact? :/

     

    Blessings

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