April 30, 2019 at 7:38 pm #291921
I cheated on my wife with another guy. She found an email chain that we using to connect. This has caused some very serious consequences for our marriage. She is staying with me for now. I am trying. I have cut all connections with this guy and stopped looking at porn. I have been watching porn for most of my life. I was shown my first pornographic images when I was 8 years old. I have “clean” for 6 months now, but I still struggle with thoughts and images.May 1, 2019 at 1:19 pm #292021
You brought up a few issues:
1) Pornography, it being that you were shown your first pornographic images when you were 8. I wonder who showed you those images and how pornography affected you through the years of your childhood and on, and what part pornography had in your relationship with your wife over the years.
2) Cheating on your wife. I wonder if you cheated on her before (with another person, that is, outside of viewing pornography, which some women consider cheating) and how she dealt with it before.
3) Homosexuality- having cheating on your wife with a man. I wonder if you had past homosexual interactions with men while married to your wife, her reactions then and now, and how you see your future as far as heterosexual and homosexual inclinations and relationships.
Would you like to elaborate on any of these, or all?
anitaMay 1, 2019 at 2:03 pm #292039
You are not your thoughts. If your trying to repress your thoughts they will only become stronger.
Be honest with yourself and decide what it is you need. Note that wanting and needing are not the same thing. Once you answer those questions you will better be able to enter into a honest dialog with your wife and work on a plan that will move you forward towards your desired outcomes.May 1, 2019 at 3:28 pm #292049
I posted The Ugly Truth to get release and peace. This is a very difficult and sensitive subject to talk about with friends, family, or even a counselor. Yes, seeing those images at a young age did affect my life, however, it does not remove responsibility of my actions. I did not physically cheat on my wife until last November. I have had homosexual interactions before I met my wife. However, porn has been a serious issue with my marriage and previous relationships. Actually, my first marriage ended due to porn. Back in 1996, I got out of the Army, was going through a divorce, and finding a way in civilian life which put me through a lot of stress and depression. Many people would have turned to alcohol or drugs. I turned to porn as a way to cope. It got way out of hand and lead me down some very dark paths. I went through counseling for porn several times, but the lack of accountability and the privacy of porn, counseling did not work. Maybe I didn’t want it bad enough until now. My wife and I are working through it. It is not easy for us. I have had to deal with much anger and tears. And rightfully so. I have taken responsibility for what I did. I have taken steps to disassociate myself from porn and homosexuality. Counseling is being arranged. Moving forward I am choosing heterosexuality with my wife. This has probably opened a can of worms, but this is the last I will speak of this and start leaving it in the past.May 1, 2019 at 3:50 pm #292057
It’s great that you and your wife are committed in working things out using a therapist/counselor. It’s good that you are taking responsibility for your actions. It seems to me that because of a deeper, underlying issue that is driving you to seek solace with porn and homosexuality, that it is imperative to continue to do your own personal work.
MarkMay 1, 2019 at 4:37 pm #292059
Thank youMay 1, 2019 at 4:55 pm #292063
I do hope you get the release and peace you need and deserve. I read just a bit of your reply to me and would like to read it (and anything you may add to it) thoroughly when I return to the computer tomorrow morning, in about 13 hours from now, and reply further then.