fbpx
Menu

Tinder and BF

Home→Forums→Relationships→Tinder and BF

New Reply
Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • September 3, 2015 at 10:21 am #82781
    rose
    Participant

    Hi,

    I recently found out my BF of 3 years was on Tinder. He made an account and had inappropriate conversations with matches on it. I found it on his phone and when I asked him about it he said it was an ego boost and nothing to do with me or us. He said that in the moment he thought it was harmless as it meant nothing to him. He said he didn’t meet up with any of them.

    He has since deleted it and wants to work things out. I am hurt among many other things but am not sure what to do. Do I work it out and try to move forward and passed this? or is this too big of a red flag…. Things before this all happened were pretty good.

    On one hand I feel I deserve better and on the other I don’t want to give up all the good the relationship had.

    Thoughts?

    September 3, 2015 at 10:54 am #82785
    Jodi
    Participant

    Even if he didn’t meet anyone his behavior is a breach of trust and he will have to earn that back if you stay together. In addition, if he needs an ego boost from other women, that is an issue of self esteem he needs to deal with for himself. What are his plans to do so? And if you do stay together, what do you need from him to regain your trust?

    ~Jodi

    September 3, 2015 at 11:28 am #82796
    TheDaydreamer
    Participant

    Hi Rose

    I recently just thought about what I would do if my partner did this…Or actually why I would do this. I think with social media and online dating apps etc. the temptation is really big. Because, technically, he didn’t cheat. He wanted to know if he’s still “got it”. Which is silly, but human. We constantly need the confirmation and attention of others. And it’s sad. But it’s hard to not get caught up in this attention-seeking behaviour. I don’t know what I would do exactly, but I would feel like a fool and like he betrayed my trust. You need to talk this out and ask yourself what he can do to make it up to you. I don’t think it’s worth throwing away a relationship because of some tinder messages. But that’s completely up to you. If in a few months you still don’t trust him, it will be harder and harder for you guys to make it work.

    xx
    Helen
    aka TheDaydreamer

    September 3, 2015 at 11:36 am #82798
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear rose:

    I would go for more information: what was the nature of the inappropriate conversations he had with matches? What did he write? I wonder if you can get back his profile- or did you read it before he deleted it? Then I would ask him why he chose to do it at this particular time? Why recently and not (?) before- or was there before?

    anita

    September 8, 2015 at 9:58 am #83052
    rose
    Participant

    Thanks for your feedback. I think he is willing to make it up to me and is really working on getting my trust back. I still feel insecure and uncertain as it just brings up a lot of feelings and questions about the relationship. The conversations were mainly ones to feel better about himself but some were a bit over the top for flirty. He did it now because it was a temptation and he was feeling low. He says now he has a plan to turn to me if he feels this way again..

    Hating the feeling of being in limbo and want to back to where we were. I hope that’s possible?

    September 8, 2015 at 10:07 am #83053
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear rose:

    I suppose it is possible. It is about whether you have the patience to wait and see if he follows his plan to turn to you when he feels low again (I like the plan) and if you have the patience to wait and see as well as actively participating in better and deeper communication with him, a communication you will have more and more faith in as- and if- it grows and improves. Got to maximize your patience and minimize your desperation.

    anita

  • Author
    Posts
Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.