Dear Glet:

I read all your posts here. You wrote that you may want to adopt a child one day and shower him/ her with love, the love you didn’t have enough of, love disrupted by an abusive step mother with whom you still live. You wrote that your biological mother is like a stranger to you.

I am definitely old enough to be your mother. I like you from my understanding of who you are through this website. What if I gave you my email address and if you would like we can have an online frienship of the mother/ daughter kind, maybe? At least, maybe…? Would you like to try that?
anita

Hi Glet,

I was reading your other post where you wrote about breaking up with your boyfriend. There was one thing in specific that stood out to me. You wrote “he always does the right thing..takes the right direction decisions..i fell in love with his maturity and his ability to stay calm all times.”

I am sure he is a very calm and mature person. What you should also know is that being able to be vulnerable is a HUGE strength in life and in love. To be open and talk about your emotions even knowing that you might get hurt is such a big deal. So many people are lonely, hurting, afraid, but they don’t want to open up and talk about it. They feel as if they will be rejected or looked down upon for having feelings. Having feels is very normal. What’s even better than that is having an healthy was to voice those emotions. What I have found is that people who appear to be calm and mature at all times are very tense and anxious. They feel so conflicted and want to say what they are feeling, but they are afraid. They have been taught from a very young age (usually by a parent or guardian or sibling) that it not okay to express emotions. Sometimes parents punish their children for crying or talking about emotional subjects because they can not or do not want to deal with them. Did he have a difficult childhood? A parent who might be strict and lash out? That may be possible.

From what you wrote in this post, it seems as if you were going through a lot with your studies alone. If you want to be able to accept love and be able to truly trust, then you will have to love yourself and let go of control. Could it be that you are afraid that he is loving you regardless of your insecurities? You are afraid that he might leave you so you left him? To be honest, this is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Unfortunately, we can not control the the events of the world, but we can control how we react to them. Sometimes we can just made decisions for ourselves and trust that everything will work out in the end. Sometimes partners can even feel helpless when they try so hard to make one partner happy, but can’t. He may feel like he failed and you may feel like you failed because of insecurities etc. When you love yourself, you will be confident that your partner also loves and accepts you for who you are. Letting go of control will also allow you to relax a little bit knowing that anything is possible and that we just have to trust and take things one day at a time. What do you say?

What can you do to make yourself feel loved? Look deep inside yourself and think back to when someone said something or made you feel badly about yourself. That is where our deepest insecurities come from. Only you can validate yourself throughout life because people will come and go. When you learn to love, you will not be afraid of the “what ifs” just the “what is” in the present.