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    Dear Anita

    thank you so much for replying and yes she has always loved her father very much so maybe she just wants to keep seeing him in a good light..its a very sad story indeed and i can only hope to be a good friend in such a time…

    my studies are going very well thank you so much


    dear Anita

    i have been wanting to write to you but it is abit hard to access my gmail account here…
    i am doing really well and things are going so well..for the first time i can truly say that i am happy…
    its amazing the amount of progress one can make by getting away from a toxic environment… so thank you so much for all the help..i deeply appreciate it…
    as for this friend yes i want to take care of myself first..thank you for pointing that out


    Dear Anita

    I hope you are fine
    oh yes this is why..up to now I still can’t access my email…well how can I send you a private message on this site?


    Hello james
    I definitely agree with you
    writing has really helped me to get my emotions and I always feel better when I write down whatever it is am feeling..
    I also did not imagine that I would start writing but my friends always told me that I have a way of putting my thoughts into words and they liked that way…so I started writing..its more of a personal diary where I just put my feelings down…and it has been helping me alot


    Hi James wow you’re blog is amazing…i will go,through more of your posts….
    and I actually did start a blog..i haven’t done much to it so the structure is pretty basic…
    but I,do have some posts…
    you can check it out here…

    am not a writer so its really nothing serious


    Hey there…

    wow I totally agree with should write a novel and your story is so inspiring..
    am 19 and I can relate somehow…i was suicidal for a long time too..i felt different for a long time too.
    Am so glad that you’re happier now…


    Hey there 🙂

    I’ve been reading on alot of posts concerning the no contact rule..see I don’t have years of wisdom to impact to you…am only 19 but this is what I think concerning this no contact rule..

    1.the first thing you need to ask yourself is why you want him back..make a list of those reasons and see which ones are genuine and not selfish…if that list includes reasons that suggest you want him back to validate you or for codependency purposes then I don’t think you should be taking this road..

    2.i strongly believe that the right way of using the no contact rule is to focus on yourself..its all about healing yourself,its about giving yourself the time and space to recover from a breakup…and it doesn’t have to be could be more…i believe that time should be for personal development

    3.if you’re trying to use the no,contact rule to elicit a response from your boyfriend such as making him miss you or making him come back to you there are many things that could go wrong..for he could be back because he got lonely and not necessarily because of love and in the long run this turns out to be fatal…

    I feel like the moment you make it a priority to get your ex back during the no contact you are torturing yourself will find yourself wondering if he is missing you,if he is going to text you or what he is doing…which is not the point at all..the purpose of the no contact rule is to make you feel better about yourself and make you heal so that you will not be bothered by whether he responds to you or not if you do decide to initiate contact later….

    while its possible that he may start to miss you during this time,please do not use it as your,primary reason..
    use this time to improve yourself,to calm yourself so that you can think clearly and be able to reflect on your relationship and see if getting him back will really be healthy for you….

    sometimes we are so focused on getting back someone and not letting go without really taking,the time to think of why we want this person so much….
    so I hope that you use this time for you…

    best wishes


    Dear jen
    I read your entire original post and I am sorry that you went through all that..
    but you wrote something about maybe going on a date to make him jealous…
    did you go??.
    and how about you go on a date,not to make him jealous but to get to know someone else…to try and have a good time for you…to meet other people….
    as for him liking your Facebook pictures I wouldn’t put a heavy meaning to it..
    I broke up with my ex and I like his pics all the time..
    not because I want him back but because he looks happy and I am happy that he looks that could have popped up on his homepage and he,just liked it..
    I totally agree with what Jessica said above..
    I don’t believe that there is one person that the universe has put in place for you…i believe there are many people that can be right for you..and the minute you adopt that mindset you won’t hold on so much on an makes it easier to let go…

    I don’t even know if I am making sense.
    am only 19,and I don’t have much experience on this sort of thing…
    this is just my input…
    I hope all works out for you..


    Dear Carlos..
    no I don’t mind you asking at all.

    He did give me,space and just like your ex I told him that we should just be friends…it was really hard to try and,just be friends and in the beginning we found ourselves falling back into the same routines..
    we talk daily but we’re trying not to see each other at the moment..
    one,thing that has really helped me is how persistent he is..he has always been..he’s patient and once in a while he reminds me that he’s there for me..which helps me and motivates me to work on myself cause I have this amazing guy who won’t give up on me…one who loves me enough to wait..that has helped me alot..

    try and talk to her once in a while..let her know that you are there for her..

    but is it just the 2 past relationships that caused her insecurities?..
    what is her family life like?
    her childhood…?


    Dear Carlos..
    I know what you mean..
    I am also currently going through that phase where I told my ex to give me space to work on myself.because I realized that I cannot keep pushing him away all the time.i believe your ex feels the same way too..she’s just scared and you are doing the right thing by giving her space..all you can really do is be patient..from the way you’ve described her I am sure she feels the same way for you…she cares…so you need to realize that this isn’t even about you..its all about her,her fears,her insecurities..
    as long as she doesn’t truly believe that she is worthy of your love she will keep pushing you away…
    so the space is needed for her to work on that…

    I wish you two all the best..


    Hey there

    wow I am so so sorry for everything that happened to you…
    and you are one strong lady for being able to get away from all of that and even trying to move on from your past..
    you coming here to talk about it is already a great step and I applaud you for that..
    what your mum did to you selling you as a sex toy is disgusting…
    it doesn’t matter that she was in a dark place or that she was unstable that was just horrible..
    you are so so strong..
    I was abused as well..and I know how you may feel..
    I built high walls around me and I found it extremely hard to let anyone in.i couldn’t even let friends in.
    I couldn’t trust anyone,couldn’t love anyone and didn’t know how to accept love…
    but here I am..i took it one step at a time..days when I felt like crying I did lots of it..days when I felt depressed I wrote it down..or just talked to someone..maybe you don’t have many friends but writing it here helps as well..
    you will be okay..
    that I am sure of..

    keep being strong..
    and don’t stop yourself from feeling your pain..
    you can only go through it not around it..
    have you heard from your dad?
    have you ever tried to contact him?..

    please please be strong..
    it gets better I promise you


    Dear Carlos

    wow she sounds exactly like me..for a second I even thought that this was my ex writing about,me…

    I felt the need to respond to your post because I know exactly how she feels…i have been there and I know what its,like to constantly push people away…somehow jus being unable to fully accept and welcome love..
    each time I had one of my moments…(as my ex used to call them)…i would l out get anxious from nowhere and all of a sudden create a problem..why we couldn’t be together,why things aren’t going to go well..i would do or say just about anything to push him away to make leave and when he gives me space,I would come to my senses and things will be back to normal…

    I don’t know about your ex but when I reached and looked deeper I realized the cause of my insecurities.
    see I have been hurt alot in the past and so i convinced my mind to believe that each person who comes into my life would eventually leave me…and so I would always wait for the other shoe to drop,…when things are going well that’s is when I panic thinking that the bad thing will happen I would distance myself,push the person away before they can leave…
    this led me to realized that deep down I didn’t believe that I am truly worthy of love from a good guy..somehow all the people leaving me in the past made me feel that I didn’t deserve it…
    so when I met my ex,he was perfect but I couldn’t see him sticking around..being with me and all my insecurities,I found it hard to believe that the shoe won’t drop…and the more he got closer,the more I moved away…
    (I really don’t know if I am even making sense)

    I can’t tell you for sure that this is how your ex feels…
    but if its even close and you want to be with this girl you need to be there for her…let her know and remind her that you won’t hurt her and that you are here to stay..go to a couples therapy with her…
    that is if you love her and you still want to try things..
    it won’t be easy though…


    Dear Anita…

    wow I am so humbled….
    thank you so much and yes I will like that very much..
    wow thank you…you are truly incredible…
    here is my email address..

    will be looking forward to hearing from you


    Dear Lisa…
    thank you for replying.
    but I really wish that things were that easy..see am in Africa and the majority of people here don’t have I have never heard of any shelters around.i doubt that there are any…which makes things abit harder…
    but I will do absolutely anything that I can to help..


    Hello Anita

    I just told you that I will find this thread so that we can continue the conversation here

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 35 total)