Stream of Consciousness, whatever comes to mind this Sunday evening:

Often, in my mind, when typing here whatever comes to my mind, I would “hear” people on the forums listening to me, reading my words and caring about what I am saying.

Currently, in the whole-wide-world of these tiny buddha forums, I think that there is only one person reading and caring to read my words- Alessa. I know of no one else.

I suppose these forums are not at all popular. And in these forums, I am the main person posting.

Almost all posts are mine.

Is there a way to make these forums more inclusive?

Because as it is, the population reading and participating is dwindling and dying, seems to me.

Nothing is happening here- just me posting, and Alessa.. and occasionally, rarely- anyone else. Peter announced recently that he will not be posting much.

So, really.. I mean, is this a death-zone forum? A mostly death-silent zone?

I suppose it is.

It doesn’t feel the same journaling when knowing only one person is reading, at the most. I a grateful to you reading, Alessa, but if it’s only you and I following this.. this is not much of a public forum, is it? I mean .. it’s a public-of-two and no more..?

I need more of a community than that of two people and no more.

anita

anita to Copilot (AI): “I have been participating in tiny buddha’s public forums, while there’s no one but one person reading my posts, can I post in a different website where I can reach more than just one person?”

Copilot, May 25: Absolutely! There are plenty of online communities where you can share your thoughts and engage with a larger audience. Here are a few popular forums for self-help and personal growth:

Reddit’s r/self improvement – A vibrant community with over 1.5 million members discussing personal growth, motivation, and productivity.
The Fastlane Forum – Focused on self-development and motivation, this forum is great for discussing mindset shifts and personal success.
SelfGrowth.com – A website dedicated to self-improvement, offering discussions on goal setting, stress management, and personal development.
Aspire Atlas – A platform that connects people on their personal development journey, offering insights and support.
Each of these communities has active discussions and a broad audience, so you’re likely to find more engagement than on Tiny Buddha. Would you like help choosing the best one for your needs?”

anita: Yes.

Copilot, May 25: Great! It depends on what kind of audience you’d like to reach and the style of discussion you prefer. Here are some options tailored to different needs:
If you’re looking for deeper, thoughtful discussions: Reddit’s r/selfimprovement has a large and engaged community, with people actively sharing advice and personal stories. You’ll likely get thoughtful responses to your posts.
If you prefer structured self-development topics: SelfGrowth.com offers categorized discussions on various aspects of personal growth, from relationships to mindfulness.
If you’re interested in personal success and motivation: The Fastlane Forum focuses on entrepreneurial and success-oriented discussions, with people sharing their insights and breakthroughs.
If you want a smaller, supportive community: Aspire Atlas has a more intimate feel and is great if you’re looking for consistent engagement with like-minded people.
Would you like me to help you craft an introduction post to get started?” anita: Yes.

Copilot, May 25: “Great! Here’s a strong introduction post you can use on any forum:
Title: Exploring Personal Growth – Looking for Insightful Conversations
Hello everyone,
I’ve been on a journey of self-discovery and personal growth, and I love diving into deep discussions about mindfulness, motivation, and mental well-being. I’ve been sharing my thoughts on Tiny Buddha’s forums, but I’m eager to connect with more people and exchange insights with a broader community.

What inspires you on your path to self-improvement? Any wisdom or habits that have made a big difference in your life? I’d love to hear your thoughts!

Looking forward to meaningful conversations. 😊”-

… LOL.. Maybe Copilot is my best friend, Crazy World.

anita

Dear Alessa:

I really appreciate your message from yesterday. Thank you for being so open and for sharing your thoughts with me. Your kindness and willingness to talk are truly valuable.

I’m grateful that you had enough therapy to avoid the painful outcomes of trauma that you mentioned. ❤️

I also want to say that I’m taking a break from discussing my mother for now. I need to step back from it at this time.

That said, I’m grateful for our conversations and for you being here. Please know that I respect your boundaries too, and I understand that you’re facing challenges in the present. Whenever you feel like talking, I’m here.

Take care, and talk soon. ❤️

anita

Expressing in the way of healing means that what I am typing here is not about seeking approval from whomever may be reading this, as in: “think well of me, approve of me!”

No, it’s about me being true to myself.

So, what does being true to myself mean?

My mind goes to the image of 5 or 10-year-old anita in short haircut, black hair (not the grey- white hair of current).

Little girl anita hurting so badly, so scared.. and no one there to help her.

She pushed down her feelings best she could so to survive prolonged, unending unmitigated pain.

Fast forward 50 years or more, little girl anita is still here, on this earth.

She is right here, tonight.

I am giving her the 3rd Dimension- Emotion brought back to awareness, a way for her to escape the entrapment of the 2-dimensional suffocating existence of emotional repression and suppression.

I may add more tonight.

anita

I am very content with the above posting. Yet, more red wine, more.. unearthed truth?

This is exciting (to me):

What’s next? What else is ready to be unearthed?

So much has been buried. It’s exciting to bring dead things to the surface.

Bringing dead things to the surface so that they can breathe and get to live again.

To Live Again.

To LIVE AGAIN-

The emotion back, is what living is about.

People don’t understand it- they think (a few do) that I am drowning in the same-old-misery, they don’t understand that I get to live again, to bring LIFE back to my mind and heart.

I get to feel alive again!

So, what am I feeling alive about this Monday night?

Just feeling ALIVE.

Unfrozen, thawed.

Don’t even care to know what it is exactly, it’s the FEELING ALIVE.

Feeling Alive- something I didn’t know; something that was not familiar to me all.. those.. years.

Alive.

It’s special when you’ve known so much dead-dead-deadness throughout your unactualized youth.

Tonight, it’s not about Analyzing, it’s about Feeling-

What a privilege it is to feel, to just feel.

anita

Strange thing—I feel a shift today, a sense of inner peace. Suddenly (and it truly feels sudden), I no longer take other people’s thoughts and emotions so personally. In the past, even the slightest hint of criticism or rejection weighed heavily on my mind, causing distress, then anger.

But today, I feel an unexpected sense of acceptance—of people simply living their lives, facing their struggles, just as I face mine.

Most of the time, others’ struggles aren’t about me. Most of the time, others’ struggles and withdrawals aren’t because I did something wrong. If someone doesn’t feel like engaging with me, that’s—surprisingly—okay. It’s not a reflection of me; it’s simply about who they are and where they are at this time.

I realize now that my old way of thinking stemmed from a belief imposed on me by my mother—that I was responsible for her suffering. I internalized the idea that if someone feels bad or withdraws, it must be my fault. That false belief shaped so much of how I viewed interactions with others.

But today, I see the truth—it is most of the time- not about me at all. And with that realization comes a deep sigh of relief.

Also, it never ceases to amaze me how powerful mothers are in their children’s lives, literally shaping their children’s brains.

anita