Tried to manifest love and it didn't work

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    About 7 months ago I was reading about the law of attraction and manifesting love into your life. I wrote down detailed qualities in a man that I’d like to have as a romantic, committed partner. I prayed to find this. I dove into the dating world and enthusiastically gave it my best shot by going on dates with 11 different people (over the span of those 7 months) and I unfortunately encountered many hurtful, confusing situations.

    So, what happened? I put out into the universe what I wanted, I prayed, I approached dating with an open-mind… And it didn’t work. Not only did it not work, but I feel less optimistic than when I originally started.

    What should I be doing differently?


    The problem most people have when manifesting something is that they try to manifest things from a place of lack – a place of scarcity. They try to fill a hole with the thing they want to manifest. If you want to win big you have be fully willing to lose big. The result is you, probably, unconsciously tried to somehow force love into your life. And that’s when the problems arise.

    I don’t know what your mentality is when meeting guys. But the best approach is to forget about seeking love, scanning if he is a potential partner, sizing him up. Don’t label a date as a “date”, but just try to have fun. If it works out, great. If it doesn’t work out, that’s great as well. Even when it doesn’t work out with someone, at least it gave you some new perspective on a person. More experience. I don’t know if you’re meditating, but maybe do some meditation before you go on a date. Working out can also make you more present.

    Remember you can’t MAKE someone love you, and you can’t make yourself to love someone aswell. You have to let go and see if there’s a connection there.


    Dear Courtney:

    I read through your posts since December of last year, Dec 2014. You wrote about your anxiety since childhood, your ongoing hypochondria, accumulating unpaid medical bills because of going to the ER/ doctors with various scares. You wrote about panic attacks, about googling various symptoms online. You wrote how that was very much a part of why your marriage plans did not materialize. You did not write though anything about your childhood, about how and when the anxiety started, took hold on you.

    It is very difficult to deal with fear. You tried legal drugs (“medications”)- didn’t work for you. You put some effort in not consuming caffeine, changing your diet, exercising and of course, going to the doctors, a lot, and finally even getting a diagnosis or two (which are of no value in reality).

    It is still about your FEAR. It is your fear that needs to be attended to and it will control your life until you do. In small steps, little by little. If you would like, please share here about your childhood, about when and how it started. Tell about that little girl Courtney alone and afraid, alone because someone left her alone, way too long.



    First, if you haven’t read If The Buddha Dated by Charlotte Kasl… do that. Secondly, consider reading Spiritual Partnerships by Gary Zukav. Those are books that helped me define exactly what deep, honest and healthy love looked like to me.
    Lastly, I agree that if you come from a place of lack & fear, you are still in survival mode and the Universe (and your dates) know it. It’s obvious that you have the drive and the means to get what you want (11 dates in 7 months sounds like so much fun!). Perhaps, consider doing all the mental/emotional/spiritual housekeeping you possibly can, while keeping your heart open to love… Then just watch it all roll in!

    love & light


    Dear Courtney:

    I can’t get over how beautiful the photo by your name. Is that you? Do you consider yourself very pretty? beautiful? Do others? You wrote before that some people tell you that you are such a pretty girl, that you should have no problems dating… is it frustrating when people say that?

    So much fear underneath that pretty, glamorous shot of your face. It is that fear that needs to be attended to. No amount of prettiness and no amount of googling symptoms or doctor visits are going to take care of the great fear. How about serious psychotherapy with a good psychotherapist specializing maybe in anxiety…? Someone to take you gently into that journey? It is possible, you know, to walk that tight rope and make it. To finally exhale all the way. To finally feel safe enough.


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