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Trust and Love

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  • February 25, 2018 at 12:05 pm #194649
    Patricia
    Participant

    I find it hard to trust anybody. I think everybody is lying to me when they talk to me about their feelings regarding me or something. If my boyfriend were to compliment me, like telling me I’m beautiful or something, my mindset is that he’s only saying it because he “has to feel that way” as if thats his role or job. I can’t seem to settle myself down nd envision a future (not in the sense that i can’t see myself with him) but I can’t seem to relax myself and picture my future like I used to when i was 13 and i could think of myself in a home with a nice job.

    I’ve been through a lot, i have a messed up father and I’ve come across a lot of problems with people and i definetly do think that all these issues have piled up with each other to create some trust issues. Im to myself for the most part, I’ve separated myself from a lot of people because i just don’t find the people around me that interesting to become invested in, i feel perfectly okay with that. But, I would like to be more relaxed and let myself love and be loved and trust people and be happy. Does anybody have any ideas or excersizes that can probably relieve me and put me at some kind of peace of mind?

    February 25, 2018 at 2:05 pm #194667
    Patricia
    Participant

    I would also like to mention – this hinders my ability to enjoy the people i love and who are around me, which bothers me and in a way it also offends me .. i offend myself, silly, right?

    February 26, 2018 at 8:30 am #194767
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Patricia:

    Some people are trustworthy and others are not. We should not blindly trust everyone.. only those worth our trust. How do we know if a person is trustworthy? We learn by interacting with a person over time, in different contexts. Better not invest in a person in a serious way before we get to know that person.

    A child is born blind and trusting, blindly trusting and then often, the child’s trust is betrayed. Having a “messed up father” means that you too were betrayed, correct?

    anita

    February 26, 2018 at 7:00 pm #194893
    Patricia
    Participant

    my father is always a problem for me. I can’t walk away from him yet either, as i need help from him. But the thing is even the people who I care for so deeply who haven’t betrayed me – i seem to be so skeptical about everything they say

    February 27, 2018 at 7:09 am #194961
    Mark
    Participant

    Patricia,

    Understandable that you have trouble trusting people considering how your father is.

    Trust covers a range of things.  I trust my children but I don’t trust them getting back to me when I text them or leave a phone message.  I trust certain friends to show up on time but not others.  I trust some friends to keep in touch with me if they have not heard from me but not others.  I trust some to tell me the blunt truth but not others.

    I also trust myself to take care of myself if I get disappointed by a friend who has let me down (in my mind).

    For you, you say trust is about what others say about you especially how they feel about you.  Is that the only thing you don’t trust about them?

    How about do you trust their actions?  I find actions speak louder than words.  If their actions back up what they say about you then does that make a difference?

    Also, realistically I cannot expect people to be 100% trustworthy in terms of how they speak/act/feel for all of us are inconsistent.

    Mark

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