Dear Patricia:

Some people are trustworthy and others are not. We should not blindly trust everyone.. only those worth our trust. How do we know if a person is trustworthy? We learn by interacting with a person over time, in different contexts. Better not invest in a person in a serious way before we get to know that person.

A child is born blind and trusting, blindly trusting and then often, the child’s trust is betrayed. Having a “messed up father” means that you too were betrayed, correct?

anita

Patricia,

Understandable that you have trouble trusting people considering how your father is.

Trust covers a range of things.  I trust my children but I don’t trust them getting back to me when I text them or leave a phone message.  I trust certain friends to show up on time but not others.  I trust some friends to keep in touch with me if they have not heard from me but not others.  I trust some to tell me the blunt truth but not others.

I also trust myself to take care of myself if I get disappointed by a friend who has let me down (in my mind).

For you, you say trust is about what others say about you especially how they feel about you.  Is that the only thing you don’t trust about them?

How about do you trust their actions?  I find actions speak louder than words.  If their actions back up what they say about you then does that make a difference?

Also, realistically I cannot expect people to be 100% trustworthy in terms of how they speak/act/feel for all of us are inconsistent.

Mark