—- I also want to add that I tried becoming friends with him after we broke up. I told him to let me know if he felt uncomfortable and wanted more space, but he would’t say anything to that. I feel badly. Did I do something wrong in trying to communicate with him?

Hey Inky, thanks so much for responding. You are correct that abuse is much worse. I was very much a doormat for the majority of the relationship. I think I felt bad up until I spoke to him and realized he is very selfish. For a very long time I was understanding and initiating all conversations asking how things we going, but he doesn’t seem to care. I saw that there was a huge difference between the way that we spoke. He is not compassionate and I don’t want someone like that. While I kept his feelings in consideration, he says whatever he wants and wants things done on his terms i.e. we can only be friends if you accept that we’ll never be together again. I thought that was kind of mean, even though I am aware that there has been a lot of damage and I don’t imagine myself going back even if I still want him. I realized he was still treating me like a doormat. I think it’s time for me to be selfish and ask myself why I allowed myself to be treated that way. I told him not to write to me for a while and felt very good about it. I want to begin moving on completely, just have to get over seeing him at work.

• This reply was modified 8 years, 8 months ago by Annie.

Hi TriangleSun, I think we’re both still immature too. Yeah, I hear you about the mental torture. I try not to think of the time when I hear about him dating someone else. Thanks for your advice. I’m starting to look down on relationships as a whole. I have seen good parts of a relationship as well as the bad. The good parts are okay/nice, but the bad part eventually comes because we’re all human.

Hello again Anita,

You are correct in your observation that I find other things to distract myself from the problems in my home. I don’t recall seeing a response from you. I may have missed it. I will be going back to school soon and hopefully can begin to have a solid financial situation so that I won’t have to move back in with my family once summer comes. Thank you

Hello Anita,

That’s okay, I recently assumed something about someone and it was also wrong. Just human nature. I’m glad that i’ve learned to get out of toxic situations quickly so that they don’t effect me as much. That way I can get away and have time to process those emotions rather than let them build up. It is horrendous, but we can only change ourselves. I have read about your relationship with your mother and I really appreciate your contribution to my posts because I feel like we come from a similar place. I was writing to another member of TB and found that when the people closest to us (parents, siblings, relative) criticize us and always keep us at arms length, we develop insecurity and trust issues. For a long time I stayed in an abusive relationship because I thought it was normal. I thought that it was okay to ignore someone, that it must somehow be my fault that I was being ignored because I was asking for too much attention or time together. It took a lot of abuse for me to walk away and even though my situation was bad, I was resilient and didn’t want to give up. Sometimes our biggest strength can be a weakness. I did learn how to walk away and deal with my emotions on my own. Thank you Anita.