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Uncertainty in transitions and changes

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  • #69699
    lil.lily
    Participant

    I have just graduated with a degree in Human Development and a minor in political science. And I have been feeling this mood lately. I feel so alone. Its almost the holidays. I spend time with friends and family. I feel somehow stuck.

    I am going to Washington D.C. for an internship, working for a Congressman from California

    Before that. I am going to Amsterdam (the city I studied abroad) to meet friends and see this guy who means so much to me.
    This significant person of mine, is also making things hard on me. How he cannot wait for me because I will be going to D.C.
    (Love versus success)

    After my 20 days there, I will be going to D.C. two days later. I have moved to a different country (Holland) but moving to the capital is scary. and leaving everything behind.

    I feel anxious, all these feelings.. I am excited to go yet I feel overwhelmed. I currently live in San Diego.. and I feel so lonely here.

    After my internship in D.C.. I am going to do my best to find a entry-level job there.

    Im creative, and I am an artist at heart. But sometimes, I feel so alone, as if..that I am chasing my dreams to sucess but it feels so lonely. Everyone around me here does not have the same interests…Sometimes I tell myself..too not go so crazy with emotions.

    I am a bit afraid of everything.. the high expectations and being done with school. I mean.. I am an adult but being done with undergrad is such a scary thing.

    I plan in applying to schools within the next year for master’s program, back to Europe. I dont know. I feel so overwhelemed and alone.

    Most of the time, I ask myself.. why can’t I just be content, why can’t I find love? Why is it so hard to be able to find a companion? why does it feel so lonely when your trying to chase the real dream.

    I get stuck between myself… sometimes I think to myself.. I need this and that. I need love, I need companion.

    and then I think about the world.. my real dreams. My dreams in helping out the people…and then I get stuck into my ego once again. In circles… the uncertainty.

    I hope I am making sense out of this for those who are reading this.

    #69705
    Archie
    Participant

    Hello Lily!
    First of all, I would like to tell you a little bit about myself. I am about to graduate with an honors degree in English literature, coming July. As I read your post, I realized this is exactly me. I mean I tried very hard to get into literature after I had got selected for an engineering as well as a med-school. And I chose literature because I love art. Of every sort. And at that time, I didn’t care if I would ever be as successful as I could have been had I chosen the other two options. Luckily, I have been doing good in my studies and plan to pursue a masters degree. But since the last few months, I have been having doubts. What exactly is that I need? A secure job that pays me well? Or those things that I have always wanted? As I dig further into my mind, I find that most of those things require a good financial backing (like, I have always wanted to travel the world and meet new people but now that seems a very, very expensive dream to me). Everyone around me suggests that I prepare myself for the civil services exams after my masters so that I can get one of the most respectable and top notch position as a bureaucrat. They say I have the potential to do it, and say why waste my years on getting a PhD and becoming a mere teacher. I know nobody is forcing me to actually do all this but I have now come to a situation where I sometimes doubt my own dreams and decisions so much that I start planning my life the way they suggest me to. And they are the people who want the best for me and I must say that they have a point. But after hours and days of contemplation over my ‘alternative’ plans, I come back to the same old me, who can’t let go of her dreams. This is the reason why I get annoyed every single time someone asks me what am I planning to do after my graduation.
    I am scared to face the world. I try to hide my talents, my personality and my feelings behind my ‘confident’ self that everybody seems to admire.
    I am sorry to burden you with my own baggage but I could totally feel what you must be feeling while I read you post. Yes, you are completely making sense. And I don’t know why, but it just felt right to share my stuff with you. there is one more thing that I would like to share. I don’t know if I am doing the right thing or not but slowly and gradually, I am making myself accept the fact we don’t know what the future holds for us. Choices are completely relative. Whether we choose what we want or we choose what we need, we can never for sure know what will be the end of it. Because life never stops changing. Dreams that have come true can turn into adversities whereas adversities can become a reason for us to go on living and attain a better life. The best thing is to deal with the things that are immediately in front of us. And when there are tough choices to make, we should remember that we will have to miss one or the other thing close to our hearts. It’s possible that we may never come across the thing that we let go, but life offers numerous other things that will eventually become important to us. Hope you understand! All the best! 🙂

    • This reply was modified 9 years, 9 months ago by Archie.
    #69712
    Yue
    Participant

    Hey there Lily,

    What you are feeling is quite natural during phases of transition and you should give yourself major kudos for your courage to take on these challenges. Having gone through a lot of changes myself this year, I can honestly say that it’s worth the risk of letting go of certain things and venture into the unknown if it is consistent to your values in life. Sure there will be heart breaks and disappointments on the way but because you are living in a manner you choose rather than a manner that’s been imposed on you, you will find ways to over come these challenges. Along this path, you will also encounter like minded spirits and it is always better to meet someone that is on the same path rather then straying from your path to meet them because no relationship should come at the. Oat of fulfilling your life’s purpose.

    A book that I recommend for someone in the transition phase is “The Alchemist” by Paulo Coelho. It helped me a lot when I was in a situation like yours.

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