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Uncomfortable In The Presence Of People

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  • #402455
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hello, I’ve been observing my behavior lately and was really curious if anyone had experienced the same things I’ve been experiencing the last few days.
    Lately I’ve been uncomfortable with people, this is not unusual as I have social anxiety symptoms but this is different. It’s not an anxious panicky feeling, more like a discomfort. I’ve been noticing this feeling only occurs when I’m around men- even men I’m very familiar with- ie my coworker, my boss, my neighbor, my dad. It’s a very sudden onset thing and I’ve been finding it quite strange- and I’m kind of annoyed at the feeling. My question is, why? Why would this suddenly happen? None of these people have ever given me a reason to be uncomfortable around them.

    to branch of of this- I cannot stand being touched. I daydream about being in intimate relationships. In my everyday, if someone puts their hand on my shoulder, a friendly coworker links arms with me, hugging my parents it’s just uncomfortable. I just don’t want to be touched. I used to love hugs, but now I just find them uncomfortable. Sitting beside someone and maybe touching arms just bothers me.

    one more thing to come from this topic. Having people around while I’m doing something is so weird and uncomfortable to me. It makes me uncomfortable to watch tv with other people, study around people. But eating around people Never makes me uncomfortable which is kind of strange because through my entire life I’ve always been made fun of for the way I eat.

    mone of these are life ending problems and I’m already starting to tackle them but I’m just curious if anyone has an outside pov that could give me an insight into why.

    Have a wonderful blessed day,

    sincerely, Lea

    #402730
    Roberta
    Participant

    Dear Lea

    I am old now but I remember that for a time in my late 20/early 30’s occasionally there was a time that I could not stand to be near anyone I hated to be touched by even my children or husband it was if my sense of personal space had radically altered. I used to warn my children that it was best to give me a wide berth. Then once my period arrived I was back to my gentle fun touchy feeley self. This did not happen every month so it took me a while to realise that it maybe related to hormones or some kind of nutritional deficiency around my menstrual cycle .

    When I became vegetarian I also noticed that I would occasionally crave fat and again this coincided with my cycle.

    I hope this has been of some help

    #403249
    Leah
    Participant

    Hello Lea, my name is Leah!

    First of all I want to say this: you are not alone. Everything you described is very familiar to me. I also notice that it fluctuates a little – sometimes I’m more bothered by the presence of people, sometimes I’m a bit more welcoming. I also have some form of generalized anxiety or social anxiety disorder. And I also relate to this being more around men than women.

    I can only speak from my own experience, but encourage you to read and look into yourself and see if maybe our similarities can give you some information about your truth.

    I used to think that I’m a lone wolf type of person. Always knew how to occupy myself, have my own world, my hobbies, interests, and I didn’t need other people to feel whole. I also used to see myself as a “late bloomer” when it came to relationships (I’m a heterosexual woman), and I’ve never had a long term relationship, and have never had sexual experiences. At some point I realized that it’s not that I didn’t want to have a relationship with a man, but that my FEAR of them stopped me from pursuing one. I’m happy to say since realizing it, I’ve worked on it and had a wonderful first relationship. (which very recently ended, and I’m heartbroken, but we’ll put that aside for now)

    I think it really comes down to your trust in people. I found that I have very little trust, and it’s a subconscious thing, it’s also the source of my anxiety. I feel unsafe in social settings, feeling like I could only count on myself if something happened, and of course – someone can do something to me. Either I need help and no one will help me, or someone will directly cause me harm. When it comes to men this feeling triples itself, because men can hurt me in more ways than women can. We live in a world where we hear so much about rape, about women’s rights being revoked (not to get too political, but what’s happening in the US right now is horrendous imo) and it’s no wonder that more women are scared of men nowadays. I can’t say if it’s for a good reason or not. But I think it all comes down to trust and feeling safe – if you don’t feel this way, you will be uncomfortable, anxious, scared, avoidant… This of course also makes you fearful or avoidant of physical touch. Have you tried, when feeling anxious, to ask a friend for a hug? I think the biggest challenge here is to trust and to feel like you can be yourself, secure, and comfortable around people.

    There isn’t a clear solution that I can think of. But being aware of this helps. You can ask yourself questions and reassure yourself, for example, if you go to a social event and you feel uncomfortable, maybe think of 1 person there who is your friend, and you know she/he will have your back. You can even share with them ahead of time how you feel. Sometimes it helps to think of the worst case scenario, and realize that you are capable of handling it if it comes. Remember that everyone is occupied with themselves, everyone fears judgement and wants love and acceptance. They aren’t gonna hurt you. Maybe they could even be your friends.

    These are just my 2 cents, I hope it helps.

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    #406626
    Soulglazer
    Participant

    Dear Lea

     

    Why is the Why so important?

     

    i’ve had some lifechanching events past 5 – 6 years,  i still don’t feel comfortable around people ( i am a man btw).

    And exactly as you describe, even in the comfort of your own home watching tv with someone for example.

    The best advise i can give you i guess is to listen to your (gut) feeling and if it doesn’t feel good to be around people, then don’t (when possible)

    It takes some time (in my case anyway) but in the end you learn more abt yourself.

    I am enjoying being alone even more as i already did, trust me it can be addictive.

    I guess you are a sensitive person and maybe somehow you are kindda overloaded and need to be alone?

    Or with the right persons, i know you say abt coworkes and boss and parents it never was like that before but its also possible you have changed somehow.

    Maybe you see or feel things differently now as before , like a clearer vision or different perspective.

     

    Many people experience some kind of awakening these days , we are living  in special days

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