Thank you Inky, I grew up in a family filled with people who loved you conditionally. As far as I know, unconditional love is also based on how you react to someone, if they do something you like and you treat them nice because of it and if they do something you don’t like and you are mean to them because of it, your love is conditional. Like punishing your children yet the bible says punishment is based on fear not love and the true definition for punishment is retribution (revenge) A child’s bad behavior should be corrected but the child should not feel the need to hate their parents or feel worthless for not pleasing them especially in terms of school. I see people in romantic relationships get rejected and treated unkindly because they were not pleasing their partner.
I can understand if the person was in a toxic and abusive relationship that they would want to break free from it.

Hello Doreen, I am sorry that you and your fiance haven’t celebrated anniversaries etc. And It’s good that you don’t with hold love like many conditionally loving people do. I agree love has no label, and if it ends, it was never love, but conditional love. The word love does not even belong at the end of conditional, it should be called conditional care

So in other words, conditional care exists but not real love? I don’t believe unconditional love is idealized, but I do think it is very very rare to almost non existent. Conditional care is based on “me, myself and mine”, either secretly or not, a selfish caring.
You can show a lot of care for someone and tell them you love them, but when they make a mistake or show one, your real feelings are exposed.
Unconditional love accepts that no one is perfect, but conditional care can’t accept this. The end of a relationship does not have to mean the end of love, but unconditional love does not mean accept being mistreated.

• This reply was modified 9 years, 9 months ago by Cianna Johnson.

I have done good for other people without expecting them to reward me or give me something in return. I don’t think unconditional love when it comes to people is ideal even if it is mutual since everyone is capable of making mistakes and no one is perfect
, but forgiveness is a huge aspect when it comes to relationships, even when you want to say goodbye.

Thank you for your reply Locutis, the truth is if love is not unconditional it is not love at all but secret or not so secret selfishness. Conditional love is based on fear, control, manipulation, dishonesty and the belief that this person must be perfect. I question if parents love their children unconditionally because if the child makes a mistake, their parent judges them and maybe hurts them to teach them a lesson, if they make an enormous mistake than the parent can’t believe that this is their child.
I feel neutral about criminals but at the end of the day, they are still human, flawed and damaged human beings. It’s important to let go of resentment. My grandmother treats me like garbage everyday with her rudeness, expectations,demands, and she’s only nice if I do as she says, that there is conditional care, she even cares more about my worth as a working person more than just me, this leaves me frustrated but I still forgive her, I also noticed if you love someone but hate another than your love is conditional upon the person you claim to care about, but hate for the other person implies that if the person you care about does exactly what the person you hate does, than poof the love evaporates, one person even admitted that they would stop loving their children if they became murderers, since almost everyone hates murderers why not they hate their own children or family members should they cross that line?