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Unconditional love

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  • #72685
    Cianna Johnson
    Participant

    Are people really capable of unconditional love?
    Parental love is conditional

    Romantic love is conditional

    Platonic love is conditional

    Familial love is conditional

    On the other hand, divine love is unconditional (according to atheists, there is no divinity, so we will never experience the bliss of being loved now and forever by anyone that truly understands us and always forgives us, caring about us regardless of how we make them feel)

    My dog’s love is unconditional

    Some people even wrote “unconditional love is bad, unhealthy or fake.”
    https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-power-prime/200911/parenting-unconditional-love-is-bad

    #72708
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Cianna,

    Well, speaking from my own experience, my parental love is unconditional. Sure, one of my kids in particular can be a pain in the azz, but I would still love him, protect him, move mountains for him. You can have unconditional love for someone but not like their actions very much.

    Familial love can get pretty close.

    Jesus said, “No greater love is there than friends laying down their lives for friends” which tells me that friends love each other, but it also can go against human nature, as you’d say. So giving your life for one would be amazing, but not outside the realm of possibility.

    Some people are a font of love. Others are sociopathic. So the conditional factor is in the person’s nature itself, too.

    Will check out the link, thanks,

    Inky

    #72709
    Cianna Johnson
    Participant

    Thank you Inky, I grew up in a family filled with people who loved you conditionally. As far as I know, unconditional love is also based on how you react to someone, if they do something you like and you treat them nice because of it and if they do something you don’t like and you are mean to them because of it, your love is conditional. Like punishing your children yet the bible says punishment is based on fear not love and the true definition for punishment is retribution (revenge) A child’s bad behavior should be corrected but the child should not feel the need to hate their parents or feel worthless for not pleasing them especially in terms of school. I see people in romantic relationships get rejected and treated unkindly because they were not pleasing their partner.
    I can understand if the person was in a toxic and abusive relationship that they would want to break free from it.

    #72716
    Doreen Dawson
    Participant

    Hi Cianna,

    I feel this way about my relationship I have with my fiance, I have been with him for 3 years and we don’t celebrate anniversaries or holidays where we need to show our love for each other through gifts and courtship on a specific day or time frame. Neither one of us are impressed by these “romantic actions”. Nor do we behave where we withhold our feelings of love for one another when we get in a fight as an act of punishment or revenge. Or use our affections to get what we want in the relationship. Love should limitless not restricted to a perceived ideal that should be right or wrong, or that there is a certain way to show and express love. Love has no label.

    #72723
    Cianna Johnson
    Participant

    Hello Doreen, I am sorry that you and your fiance haven’t celebrated anniversaries etc. And It’s good that you don’t with hold love like many conditionally loving people do. I agree love has no label, and if it ends, it was never love, but conditional love. The word love does not even belong at the end of conditional, it should be called conditional care

    #72725
    jeena
    Participant

    Unconditional love is idealized love. The reality is that we love with conditions. We all have dealbreakers in relationships. And having that belief can trap us in abusive relationships. We need reciprocation in love. It’s a give and take.

    • This reply was modified 9 years, 1 month ago by jeena.
    #72728
    Cianna Johnson
    Participant

    So in other words, conditional care exists but not real love? I don’t believe unconditional love is idealized, but I do think it is very very rare to almost non existent. Conditional care is based on “me, myself and mine”, either secretly or not, a selfish caring.
    You can show a lot of care for someone and tell them you love them, but when they make a mistake or show one, your real feelings are exposed.
    Unconditional love accepts that no one is perfect, but conditional care can’t accept this. The end of a relationship does not have to mean the end of love, but unconditional love does not mean accept being mistreated.

    #72730
    jeena
    Participant

    Love is conditional with hopes of getting the same in return. I’m speaking of mature love according to John Gottman “acceptance, emotional support, commitment, calmness, respect, caring, kindness, friendship, and consideration” Unconditional love is ideal only if it’s not one-sided.

    #72731
    Cianna Johnson
    Participant

    I have done good for other people without expecting them to reward me or give me something in return. I don’t think unconditional love when it comes to people is ideal even if it is mutual since everyone is capable of making mistakes and no one is perfect
    , but forgiveness is a huge aspect when it comes to relationships, even when you want to say goodbye.

    #72784
    Locutis
    Participant

    Unconditional love might only exists between a parent and child, due to their biological connection. It of course doesn’t have to exist, just a possibility. Most confuse love as unconditional and don’t think about it. Would you love them if they abused you, if they never said a nice thing about you and tried to kill you? Your love is conditional on them being nice or not trying to kill you. There is nothing wrong with this. Now in this same circumstance many parents still love their mass murdering children or if they have done terrible things, they can’t even explain it themselves but love them.

    #72786
    Cianna Johnson
    Participant

    Thank you for your reply Locutis, the truth is if love is not unconditional it is not love at all but secret or not so secret selfishness. Conditional love is based on fear, control, manipulation, dishonesty and the belief that this person must be perfect. I question if parents love their children unconditionally because if the child makes a mistake, their parent judges them and maybe hurts them to teach them a lesson, if they make an enormous mistake than the parent can’t believe that this is their child.
    I feel neutral about criminals but at the end of the day, they are still human, flawed and damaged human beings. It’s important to let go of resentment. My grandmother treats me like garbage everyday with her rudeness, expectations,demands, and she’s only nice if I do as she says, that there is conditional care, she even cares more about my worth as a working person more than just me, this leaves me frustrated but I still forgive her, I also noticed if you love someone but hate another than your love is conditional upon the person you claim to care about, but hate for the other person implies that if the person you care about does exactly what the person you hate does, than poof the love evaporates, one person even admitted that they would stop loving their children if they became murderers, since almost everyone hates murderers why not they hate their own children or family members should they cross that line?

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