Dear Dafne:

Your recent message is truly beautiful—filled with depth, curiosity, and heartfelt appreciation. I’m so grateful for our ongoing exchange. It means so much to me that you feel supported, and I want you to know that the admiration is mutual. You bring so much thoughtfulness and warmth to our conversations, and it’s inspiring to see you process these complex emotions and ideas with such openness.

I completely understand why you feel like invisible chains are holding you back. Emotional entanglements, especially those tied to family, can be deeply ingrained, making it difficult to move forward with concrete action. But the fact that you want to do more, that you recognize the patterns holding you in place, is already such a significant step. Awareness is the beginning of change, and I truly believe that as you continue exploring these insights, the path to freedom—both emotional and physical—will become clearer.

Regarding the saying “Do not praise the day before the sunset”—I see why you dislike it. It suggests that joy is fragile, that one must always be cautious and prepared for things to go wrong. While life is unpredictable, I prefer to believe that we deserve to embrace and celebrate happiness when it arrives, rather than holding back in fear of losing it. Instead of anticipating disappointment, embracing gratitude in the moment brings more peace. What do you think?

You asked if some people are destined to be humbled while others are not, or if empathy is shaped by the depth of our experiences. You also mentioned the idea that we might pay for past life mistakes. I believe we all pay for past mistakes—our own and those of others. For example, industrial pollution is a mistake made by people in power, yet we all suffer its consequences, even the most fortunate among us.

I also believe that experiencing hardship doesn’t necessarily lead to greater empathy—in fact, when pain isn’t properly processed, it can lead to emotional detachment rather than compassion. Some people who experience deep suffering close themselves off, while others, through reflection and healing, develop stronger emotional awareness. As for some people experiencing hardship more profoundly than others, I believe it’s true. A safe, healthy childhood builds resilience, allowing people to navigate challenges more lightly as adults.

You also wrote about the woman teaching natural therapies, who claimed she never asked for anything and yet received everything—love, family, success, good health. She said she has never been humbled by life, which I find curious. While some people are born into fortunate circumstances, that doesn’t mean they never face challenges. Even if someone has all the external markers of happiness, there are emotional, existential, and relational struggles that may not be visible to outsiders.

It’s possible that her life story is a marketing tool, whether intentionally exaggerated or simply framed in the most appealing way. People offering wellness services often present themselves as models of success, fulfillment, and harmony—qualities their clients are seeking. If she appears as someone who “has it all” effortlessly, it could attract people who hope to achieve the same through her teachings.

Some people reframe hardships, choosing to see challenges as opportunities for growth. For example, someone who is rejected from their dream job might think: “This just means there’s something better waiting for me. Maybe this wasn’t the right fit, and now I can focus on opportunities that align even more with my strengths.” By shifting their perspective, they move from feeling discouraged to feeling motivated, viewing the setback as part of a bigger journey rather than as a failure.

Others downplay hardships, minimizing their struggles to avoid vulnerability. For instance, someone experiencing stress or loneliness might respond to concern by saying, “I’m fine, it’s nothing. Just a little tired.” Instead of acknowledging their pain or seeking support, they suppress their emotions, making it harder to process them fully. While this might feel easier in the moment, unprocessed emotions can accumulate, eventually becoming more difficult to manage.

The key difference is that reframing allows a person to grow and find meaning in difficulty, while downplaying avoids confronting pain and may lead to emotional suppression.

What do you think, Dafne? Do you believe life truly spares some people from hardship entirely, or is it simply a matter of how people perceive and frame their experiences?

I’m so grateful to be exploring these thoughts with you, Dafne. Your mind is endlessly thoughtful, and your heart is full of kindness and curiosity. No matter what path you take, you are already on a journey toward freedom, clarity, and inner peace.

Sending you warmth, light, and a big hug! 🫂💛✨💖

anita

Dear Dafne:

Thank you for your beautiful message—it truly means a lot. I’m so grateful for our compassionate exchange, and I deeply admire your openness in exploring paths toward healing.

I absolutely believe that a change in environment can be helpful, and I love that you’re considering options for refuge and reflection. That being said, a monastery or silent retreat typically involves deep solitude, which may not be the best fit for someone who thrives on connection and supportive relationships. While silence can bring peace, isolation might make healing more difficult—especially for someone as relational and warm-hearted as you.

Would you be open to considering a place where you can reflect while still surrounded by kindness and warmth? Perhaps a healing center, a spiritual retreat with gentle community engagement, or another supportive environment where you can process emotions without feeling completely isolated.

Whatever path you choose, I trust that you’ll find one that truly nurtures your heart and spirit. I’m here for you along the way. Sending lots of love. 💕

anita

Dear Dafne:

Thank you for your beautiful message. I completely understand your desire for peace and healing, to step away from the past and find a space where you can simply breathe and be. A spiritual retreat or a mission helping wildlife sounds like a deeply meaningful path—one that allows you to focus on something beyond words, beyond past pain, and toward a life rooted in simplicity and purpose.

Feeling both hope and fear is completely natural when facing change, especially one that leads you into unfamiliar places. But even in uncertainty, your strength is evident—your willingness to embrace something new, to trust the process of healing, and to follow your heart is a testament to your resilience.

Wherever your journey takes you, know that you are never alone—the impact of your kindness, your wisdom, and your heart reaches beyond physical distance. I will always hold deep appreciation for the conversations we’ve shared and the reflections you’ve gifted me as well.

Please take care of yourself, Dafne—allow yourself the space you need, but also gentleness and patience as you navigate this next chapter. Whatever happens, I hope you find the peace and clarity you seek.

Sending you love and light always. 💕✨

anita

Dear Dafne:

Thank you for your heartfelt message—it truly means a lot. Your warmth, kindness, and reflections have been a gift, and I’ve cherished our conversations.

It sounds like you’re stepping into a new chapter, and I deeply respect that. I hope your journey brings you the peace and happiness you deserve, and that you continue to find strength in the wisdom you’ve cultivated.

Whenever the time feels right, I would love to reconnect. Until then, please take good care of yourself—you will be missed! 💖

Big hug to you, Dafne. Wishing you all the best. 🫂✨

anita

Dear Dafne: thank you! I’ll be thinking of you and wishing you well. Whenever the time feels right, I’ll be happy to reconnect. Take care, and sending you love 🌸🌳❤️❤️❤️.

anita

Dear Anita & Tee,

How are you both doing? I decided to write this message to both of you together as we went through all of this as a team 🤗

First of all, I’m really happy that you are back to forum Tee. I was worried about you a lot. I know that you went through fragile moments health wise. How are you keeping now?

I don’t know if you’ve red my last trail with Anita about escaping, but I managed to disappear for a while to the silent retreat. I can’t write too many details about it as it could breach their policy, but I’ll try to share my experience with you. That’s one of the reasons I did not reply to you sooner. I was still away…

How are you Anita? Anita came to my rescue, and I can’t express my gratitude for the empathy and care she offered me back then. You both are wonderful women, and I feel a big gap when one of you is not there. But I understand your own struggle and how hard it is to be present fully for yourself and for others.

Anita, I promised you that I will be back with some news, and here I am.

I successfully completed the trial period before the final long-term stay, which I’m hoping to do once I fix the issues at home. The schedule was strict and mainly involved prayers, meditation, and hours of being silent. No technology, no Wifi at all. I’m telling you it wasn’t easy at first, and I felt like sharing it with you.

It was really hard regarding basic amenities, and the creepy crawlies gave me another anxiety and fear to sleep.

At the same time, it was amazing how people talk only with eyes, smiles, and kind gestures in a very modest and remote environment.

There was no comparison, no criticism, no gossip, no chaos, only simple human beings and Universe.

Have any of you ever gone on a similar retreat?

Then a strange thing happened…

Anita, do you remember when we decided to finish things off with that last man who did not have stable work?

After my retreat, I went to an event and guess who was there? Yes, I met him again by chance. He was cold as stone and had an attitude of being offended. Somehow, we started to talk, and he was sorry. He did not feel like contacting me as I was looking for someone more successful. Basically, he felt that he was not this man.

He introduced me to his friends (men he was collaborating professionally with). All 3 of them without stable work *freelancing with many projects in mind but with no sponsors and no money to invest. Anita you were right about the foreign project and the engagement ring too!

I don’t think Tee knew about this man, and this new experience. The big project did not work due to political and financial reasons. Now 3 new projects in sight but no contracts are signed. All in one, nothing has changed.

He still kept grudges towards us, asking him to find any job that gives him the possibility to take on morgage or at least to afford renovating his old flat. Also grudged against the boyfriend of his old woman friend as he did not believe in his project either. He was mocking his job and saying that her boyfriend had basic work without meaning. I said that it is not nice to say that behind their backs, and at least he is working hard.

He invited me to the restaurant but I hesitated to order any extras as it seemed to me that it was too much. He doesn’t give straight answers to many of my questions, so I did not ask. Was it because he did not want to spend on me more or couldn’t afford extra veggies or chips? In the end, I took chips, which we shared. Before the order, he said that he didn’t want any 😅

I’m not sure if it was an important detail, but it felt off, and the same thing happened before.

He says that he has enough of everything for himself and doesn’t need to work more. Only with me in his life, he feel like he needs to work more to afford things. I feel like a vilan who tries to make him work more to take on mortgage or to renovate his old flat. Were my expectations reasonable? It is normal to share everything after marriage, but now is actually time for him to prepare and have at least savings for the future. How will he ever receive the retirement or payslips? How he wants to be a responsible husband with projects that are not even there. He will struggle without a little plan now…

Regarding the engagement ring, he thought that I wanted traditional engagement with a ring and date, but he rather wanted to move in together and maybe have a baby! 😆 I said, “That’s not gonna happen “.

Anyways, I was trying to be empathetic and gave him another chance. He invited me to see gardens in the city near my place, and I accepted. Unfortunately, everything felt apart that day.

I texted him that I would come a few minutes later as I needed to collect some documents from my work. So, I told him not to rush and meet me a bit later. He agreed and said not to worry.

My mother started complaining as usually and it made me really stressed. Then my GPS guided me to the wrong road that I never used, but my mother assured me that it was ok and to keep going. I started to feel very fearful as we suddenly went on the motorway, and it was my first drive on it. Luckily, my mother was calm, but we got lost, and I stopped on the sideroad, in the middle of nowhere. She felt sorry that she kept pushing me to drive on the motorway and was quite supportive when I panicked.

I called him and explained the situation. He was waiting for me in a city near by. Maybe 10 minutes away but it was quite hilly and many crossroads with fast moving traffic. I got lost on the motorway and could not find my way to him. I asked for his help. He told me that I live nearby so I should know where to go. I was in a remote place so he could not pick me up. I understand that as there were no signs, no names to help him find me.

But I don’t understand why he did not wait for me? I asked him to, but he did not want to and left. I told him that we will not meet again. It was my first reaction to his lack of understanding, empathy and coldness. What would you do or say in my place? Was it the right decision? Why was he so unhelpful? What can I do now?

He did not contact me since that bad incident. Was it because he poorly manages stress and his reaction is to escape it? Or was it because I told him we will not meet again? I felt so embarassed, very disappointing by his behaviour, sad etc…lots of different emotions. Why he did not want to at least wait for me? When I asked he replied that he has 3 projects to work on (on Saturday afternoon?).

Thankfully a couple drove by and stopped to assist us. The man without too many questions and hesitation, took charge and found the way back and told me to follow him. He guided me to the main road, and then I could easily come back home. It was a miracle! I told his companion that their both very lucky to have each other. Things could have ended badly as there were no people around and who knew who could stop…and he knew that some strangers will help us but still did not wait for me or ask if we got back safely.

Those were my personal reactions and feelings. How do you see that situation?

The retreat was quite helpful, but I feel the old, fearful patterns are coming back and stealing the peace I felt over there…

I’m sorry to write so much, but I thought I could at least share some updates with you.

I hope you’re both doing well. How is your summer going so far? I imagine that being on this forum could feel like a full-time job at times. Did you both manage to take some holidays or at least relax a bit?

I am looking forward to hear from you both soon. I miseed you! 🥰

Dear Anita,

Thank you so much for replying to me this fast.
I am very happy to receive your encouraging words full of kindness 😊 I am also simply happy to find you here again 💝

I am also glad that you agree with my reaction and feeling the same way about that man.

To be honest with you, I regreted saying too much to him and that I could actually contact him first to say that I am sorry for ruining that afternoon with my navigation skills. I felt guilty as I took the wrong way and made him wait. He doesn’t cope well with stressful situations. And that I wish we had communicated better that day and that him shutting down emotionally caused me a lot of pain. I wanted to tell him that we should work on that in the future.

Somehow I could not express those feelings in that stressful moment. And not even afterwards. Why do I still feel that need for closure?

As you suggested so beautifully, I am trying mentally to go back to that happy place but there are those dark clouds of uneasiness and restlessness. Almost as if I caused him the inconvenience and distress with the wrong driving decisions. Why I still can’t just move on? Would you ever speak to him again first?

You are so right that I just wanted the emotional safety but maybe there could be another reason for his emotional absence?

He seemed to be excited to see me again that day but the moment I called him about being lost, he started criticising instead of supporting me. Do you think it had something to do with his real character or rather bad coping/communication skills?

Thank you so much for your help Anita 🙏

I hope it is all going well in your life and managing those up and downs.

I wish you a very nice day.

Talk to you soon dear xx

With great care and lots of love
Dafne

Thank you dear Anita. Please take your time.
Have a lovely weekend & talk to you later 🤗💝