Dear Dafne,

sorry for the delay… there have been things that I needed to tend to, and wasn’t able to get to you sooner ❤️

How have you been doing, Dafne?

I’d like to explore something you’ve said, which I think is a very important realization:

I also understand that at this stage in life, when a man is older, he may not have prioritized this in the past. He may value it, but may not have practiced it before.

Additionally, many men don’t see the point in marrying if there is no solid intention of having children.

That’s true… you did say, Dafne, that you’re not sure about having children anymore (can’t find where you said it, but I remember you did). And the men you’re interested in (and who are interested in you) are probably closer to middle-aged, who might have been widowed or divorced, i.e. were in a relationship or even multiple relationships before.

If you combine those two conditions together: no desire (or weak desire) for children on your part, and the likely candidate is a middle-aged man with one or more significant previous relationships, possibly with children or stepchildren – I’m afraid there is a lower probability that such a guy would be interested in marriage, i.e. it wouldn’t be his priority.

I guess neither marriage nor having children would be their first priority. They wouldn’t be looking to “build a nest” with you and everything that goes with it. But rather, they would be interested in having a companion, a life partner, i.e. someone to share their life with.

In such a constellation, your priorities (marriage and premarital purity) may be in contradiction with the guy’s priority: having a life companion (which may or may not include getting married. But if it does, it usually involves living together for a period of time before getting married).

So it occurred to me, Dafne, after you made this very astute observation (about the profile of your likely candidate), that perhaps your main goal and his main goal might be very different? And this may make it difficult to actually find a partner, even if there are honest guys out there, who would make a good partner otherwise (just for the record, your ex wasn’t a honest guy, so it’s good that you called it quits).

You know what I mean? That in this constellation, it might be very difficult to find a guy who is willing to accommodate your wish for premarital purity.

Sorry for playing the devil’s advocate here, but I just felt the need to mention this, because it might be a real problem in practice.

There might be other issues too, e.g. that available men may have financial obligations to their children (and even to their ex-wives, such was the case with one of your boyfriends, if I remember well?). And so they might not be able to be the main financial provider in the relationship (something you said you expect from the man), because they may have other obligations and past arrangements to cater to.

In other words, even if they’re an honest man and don’t want to take advantage of you, they may not be able to meet some of the requirements that are very important to you.

Anyway, Dafne, this is what I’m thinking about, and it seems kind of complicated. Please let me know your thoughts and feelings on this? I don’t want this to be a downer, but still, I felt I had to mention it…

Sending you love, dear Dafne. Take care! ❤️