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Unprotected, vulnerable, heightened sensitivity and raw.

HomeForumsEmotional MasteryUnprotected, vulnerable, heightened sensitivity and raw.

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Viewing 5 posts - 1 through 5 (of 5 total)
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  • #42274
    TheAwakening
    Participant

    Dear community,

    My life has been going through some big changes over the past 4-5 months. In short, in June this year I quit a job I was miserable at, and took some time out to introspect on my life. I discovered concepts like ‘mindfulness’ and ‘the power of living in the now.’ I’m still struggling with all my preconditioning to be able to bring these practices into my daily life. I’m far from it, but I have developed an observer-like awareness of my self and my mind.

    Right now, the best way I can describe myself is this – I feel like a big, open wound; extra sensitive to the slightest changes around me; open and unprotected and vulnerable. For reasons I can’t quite explain, I always sense a veil of anxiety and despair in my daily functioning. This translates into simple events leading to catastrophic thoughts, unexplained sadness and being very easily startled. The slightest poke feels like a cut; I feel everything very, very deeply, in a great, chasm-ic sort of way. There is no layer of protection over the wound – everything I feel is amplified and multiplied till it is very intense.

    I’ve been visiting a counsellor for the last 4 months or so, and she’s a wonderful person, very in tune with life. She’s the kind of person who doesn’t give you answers – rather she leads you on to questions that help you reveal the answers to yourself. She’s really helped me understand how I function, and helped me re-adjust certain beliefs that were not serving me well before. However, she doesn’t have a structured way of going about things – there are no certified tests or evaluation methods to help me understand where I’m at. Because of this lack of formal structure, I’m also sensing a gap in her recognition of my needs and my recognition of my needs.

    I’m aware enough to observe these changes in me. I’m aware enough not to judge myself for this.But I wanted to reach out in this safe space and ask if anyone else has ever felt like this before? Felt utterly unprotected and raw?

    #42281
    Matt
    Participant

    TheAwakening,

    I’m sorry for the painfulness and unstable emotions you’re experiencing. From what you describe, I would say you might be a bit energetically top heavy. Said differently, sometimes if our third eye chakra is wide open (seeing deeply into reality) but our root chakra is not open (grounding our experiences) then we can become like a pressure cooker. Imagine what the lower belly goes through when we are constipated. Every poke and prod is incredibly painful, and it seems that our skin is overly sensitive.

    To see if this is perhaps what you’re experiencing, you could do a few things. You could grab some hematite or black tourmaline and sit quietly for 15 minutes and see if the “sense of unease” lessens. Or, you could go take a walk in nature barefoot, and if by old trees, all the better. Or, you could also go meet with a yoga teacher, and ask them to help get your energy into balance. Finally, you could practice metta meditation, which helps us let go of the mental agitation that leads to the craving/aversion cycle that disrupts the stability of our root.

    I’ve seen this most often with people who come to awareness with intense stimulation, such as hallucinogens or kundelini release. Also in some folks who have done a lot of reading and contemplating the nature of reality, without a lot of practice in putting those ideas into action.

    With warmth,
    Matt

    #42444
    Kinny
    Participant

    TheAwakening,

    I’ve been through traumatic things as well as dealt with situations long term that turned my soul black. After being in certain situations, I think it’s natural for your thinking to become distorted. I think when people have experienced certain things, it’s hard not to see the world in a differently. However, in the same way it’s naive to think that everything we experience will always be pleasant and end up in our favor; it’s just as illogical to think that everything we experieince is a personal attack or out to get us. I’ve been pretty raw and it took a lot of self compassion and faith to start seeing clearly again. That being said, I also like objective progress. Do you know what kind of therapy your counselor is using? (Is she professional?) Do you know what your needs are and do you feel comfortable enough to bring it up if she doesn’t recognize it?

    Secondly, if you are looking for measurable progress, I am a fan of solution oriented therapy. In my opinion the progress is less ambiguous than most of the therapies I’m familiar with. If you are interested, the book “Do One Thing Different” by Bill O’Hanlon sums it up.

    #42636
    Kimberly
    Participant

    I do relate to what you are describing. It reminds me of a time after I was in a major car accident, (four cars one motorcycle, I was the first impacted). Afterwards, for a very a long time I couldn’t walk thru a grocery store without fear on an energetic level of having a cart run into me. And, hugs, I couldn’t tolerate any that included what felt like slapping, which I’m sure were meant as patting. I couldn’t watch tv that had any violence because I Felt it too much. I was open. But, I was also young and had no guidance.
    Now, I’m older! I feel raw again. I had to take a medical leave from work because I was vacillating between swift and large rages, dark cloaked depressions or free flowing and uncontrollable tears. Not a very reliable employee! I’ve finally found a therapist, starting this week…changed my psychotropic meds began reading a spiritual book with my Sister on the phone every day.
    It sounds to me as though you are doing beautiful aware work. I like the idea of talking with your therapist about what you feel is missing. Maybe she can help with this next step, maybe she can’t. Be in the question, pray and or meditate on I t. You ARE on your path!

    Many Sweet Wishes,
    Kimberly

    #42637
    Kimberly
    Participant

    I do relate to what you are describing. It reminds me of a time after I was in a major car accident, (four cars one motorcycle, I was the first impacted). Afterwards, for a very a long time I couldn’t walk thru a grocery store without fear on an energetic level of having a cart run into me. And, hugs, I couldn’t tolerate any that included what felt like slapping, which I’m sure were meant as patting. I couldn’t watch tv that had any violence because I Felt it too much. I was open. But, I was also young and had no guidance.
    Now, I’m older! I feel raw again. I had to take a medical leave from work because I was vacillating between swift and large rages, dark cloaked depressions or free flowing and uncontrollable tears. Not a very reliable employee! I’ve finally found a therapist, starting this week…changed my psychotropic meds began reading a spiritual book with my Sister on the phone every day.
    It sounds to me as though you are doing beautiful aware work. I like the idea of talking with your therapist about what you feel is missing. Maybe she can help with this next step, maybe she can’t. Be in the question, pray and or meditate on I t. You ARE on your path!

    Many Sweet Wishes,
    Kimberly

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