Unsure if I am moving on ?

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This topic has 15 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 8 years, 6 months ago by Anonymous.

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May 9, 2016 at 3:58 pm #104073

Brav3
Participant

Its been 3 months and 10 days since my ex walked away. First month was a struggle, I explored and learnt quite alot about life. I started to gradually readjust to my new life . Full blown crying ceased, my sleep was good, things were settling and acceptance was coming in. For last couple of weeks, I have been feeling back to square one. I am riding emotional waves more often, morning, night and few times during the day. I am feeling intense pain, grief and anger. Sometimes, feeling of shock returns that how could this happen and all ( Its more than 3 months and I am still getting shocked of her breaking up with me). I am feeling tired and emotionally exhausted because of all this. Thoughts and memories of her just keep going in my mind. Having sleep trouble again. I know that grief stages are very fluid and they interchange continuously but I didn’t know that it will continue to happen in my 4th month of breakup. Am I really moving on?

May 9, 2016 at 4:21 pm #104074

Brav3
Participant

Just read stories about other guys going through same. People are struggling with it from 5-9 months, even 1 year post break up
🙁

I just want to get back to be that happy and confident guy again.

May 9, 2016 at 7:40 pm #104090

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Brav3:

Sorry it is taking so long, Brav3. I wonder how you were when you were “that happy and confident guy”

anita

May 9, 2016 at 9:19 pm #104099

TriangleSun
Participant

Hi Brav3,

You are moving on buddy. It’s a long process or can be long for some but you are moving on. It can take another 3 months or a little longer. It took me a year until the swings ranging from acceptance and peace to anger, grief and shock stopped hurting. It’s almost like a switch really. One day you’ll wake up and realize that this person has no more impact on your life. I think one thing to pay attention to as you’re going through this is that the simple fact that you’re struggling with this and it’s so difficult on you is a beautiful thing. It means you really loved. It means you’ve let this person into your heart. You gave it all. And this is beautiful. Yes it’s sad that it didn’t work out but your heart is one to cherish and you’ll meet someone who will see and appreciate it. I’d rather feel this way than walk away feeling nothing at all.

May 10, 2016 at 7:35 am #104137
Inky
Participant
Hi Brav3,

Some people never move on. (Not you, I’m sure you’ll move on!) But guess what, even if you don’t, that is a testimony of how deep your capacity for love is. Meanwhile, move on even if it’s in the most shallow and surface way. Do things that can’t be undone in the morning. Keep moving! One day you will have peaceful days and restful sleeps!

Best,

Inky
- This reply was modified 8 years, 6 months ago by Inky.
May 10, 2016 at 8:04 am #104142

Adam P
Participant

Hey Brav3,
I’M THE ONE that got away.

Hope that helped, especially the first part that can be used for any obstacles you will encounter.
Thank you and take care
– Adam P

May 10, 2016 at 8:09 am #104144

TriangleSun
Participant

But guess what, even if you don’t, that is a testimony of how deep your capacity for love is.

Exactly what I was trying to convey in a dang paragraph 🙂 Perfect!

May 10, 2016 at 2:44 pm #104178

Brav3
Participant

Hi Anita,

I was happy and chatty before, it was like nothing could bring me down. Make jokes through out day, laugh with other people and hear their sorrows. Harmless flirting with girls, being fun and silly in parties. Not to drag or anything, I have this pic of me getting kissed by two girls on cheeks in party, hilarious.

Now, I am like a miserable person who just want to be left alone.

May 10, 2016 at 4:19 pm #104190

Brav3
Participant

anita,Triangle sun, adam p, Inky

I went to work this morning and found out that my ex is already seeing someone.

Its has hit me like ton of bricks. Struggling to cope. OH god ! If there’s any !

May 10, 2016 at 7:06 pm #104204

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Brav3:

Oh, oh. A ton of bricks is not going to help you move on, is it. Write more, Brav3, I don’t know how to respond at this point. The shift from a happy, chatty, light hearted, joking, laughing, flirting, silly in parties young man is an extreme change. I wonder if this really is your first significant let down in life, a let down by another person.

anita

May 10, 2016 at 7:48 pm #104214

Adam P
Participant

See Brav3,
It doesn’t help you if you stay connected to the grapevine, but rather work on getting back into that state of mind that made you the life of the party.

Btw: Just out of curiosity, while you’re working on yourself and if you happen to get invited to another party, I’ll be more than happy to take your place in between those two girls for you.

May 11, 2016 at 6:34 am #104233

Brav3
Participant

I am shattered even though I had this feeling that she is gonna hook up as soon as she get the chance. And now I am seeing it.

May 11, 2016 at 6:44 am #104235

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Brav3:

There is a possibility for you to not be shattered. It doesn’t have to continue to be this way for you. There is a point, in the grieving process of a relationship with a girlfriend, where the grieving can switch into a state of being that is … strangely comfortable. Not everything following a breakup is part of a documented process of grieving.

I know of a person whose relationship with a romantic other has ended a long time ago, yet that person believes it never ended. It’s been years. Is that part of a grieving process or did it take another mental route there?

What do you think?

anita

May 11, 2016 at 3:57 pm #104295

Adam P
Participant

Please Brav3,
Don’t let something such as this “destroy” your life. When I was younger, I believed events such as these meant the world was over. Then life began to show me signs and their true colors were shown at which I replied “Thank You”.

Take care and thank you
-Adam P

May 11, 2016 at 8:32 pm #104312

Brav3
Participant

Anita and Adam P,

Thank you for your kind words. I spoke to some friends and felt okay after that. And this morning after discussion with a counselor, I am feeling soooooooo much better, infact relieved as if a huge burden lift off from my shoulders. Its little hard to describe this feeling, but it feels like that grieving process is over.

Now, I am ready to get on with my life 🙂

Cheers
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