Hi To all

This is my first time in doing anything online. Ive never signed up to FB or any social media other than tripadvisor but Ive made the first step and here I am.
My story is extremely sad and has seriously made me struggle with focus.

She was only 32 –

It was meant to be our Holiday after another Year of extreme hard work but it will never be remembered as a holiday.
We had left the UK and gone out to Thailand which is a place we were lucky enough to visit many times.
We would laugh, smile so much. Mix with the people and enjoy their company but this time I arrived back home devastated as a broken guy and so very alone.

While out out on one of the islands we did what we always would do and hire a scooter to get around.
Early morning the sun was shinning and after breakfast we packed up our days travel items to explore the island and its hidden beaches.
We visited small villages, taking photos, exploring the surroundings mixing with the locals and taking in the perfect weather.
Three hours or so had passed and we finally pulled up outside our chalet to discuss our next steps. We decided to head off to one of the empty beaches we had passed but this proved to be the last time I spoke to Bec.

As we pulled off again to start our journey a reckless speeding 4×4 hit us at over 70kph. I remember it all so clearly in slow motion.
I was thrown off the scooter, rolling from side to side along the road my head hitting the tarmac numerous times until I came to a stand still. For a split second I remember screams and shouting, I looked down at myself unable to identify it was me due to my blood soaked body resembling nothing.
My legs had many open fractures. I turned my head to look for Bec and prayed she would be there and ok but I knew I just knew when I looked over that her fight for life had already stopped. I screamed out so much “fight for me Bec, fight for me”, I tried crawling over to her but my body was numb from pain and slipping in my own blood.
I couldn’t get to her, I couldn’t hold her, I needed to hold her in my arms. 11 years robbed from us.
I shouted “I love you Bec”, I remember someone taking out a mobile phone filming me trying to get to her and my anger took over, I was threatening him to put it down. I don’t know to this day where he went and why he would want to film so much hurt, pain and loss.

The witness who came forward said he could see us in the distance but also could see a 4×4 gaining on him at high speed, he knew at this point the 4×4 had not seen us.
The 4×4 over took the witness and hit us.
He had not past his test, had no driving documents and fled the scene.

The police report first said he fled the scene and then once I arrived back in the UK after my operations in Thailand they had changed the statement to say he handed himself in.
Justice – no Justice.

At first he was sentenced to “accidental Death” which after a lengthy battle I had changed to “unlawful killing”.
This person now walks free – me though, who am I now?

Becs family are still devastated along with my family. We miss her so much.

She was my strength, my confidence the only person I needed from life.

Now when I say 2 Years has passed most people will switch off and think I should have my mind in a new place. I do understand that but all my steps are very small. I still run a company employing 25 people, I still go to that company every day, I have been dealing with my body repairing and I have been hitting therapy over the last 9 Months so now i do reach out but I will never have Bec and shes the one missing out on life and her nieces and nephews growing up.

Life is hard and cruel sometimes.

I need to push myself out my comfort zone, I need to face a new fear. I’m afraid to fly again, I loved flying but my last flight was coming back alone.
I want to visit the US, maybe New York and maybe over the xmas break. Do I do this? Push myself continually push or is this a step to far.

I miss Bec with all my heart and nobody will ever understand what we both have lost, what this person has destroyed.

32 – its so unfair.

M