November 4, 2014 at 6:48 pm #67341qqloveParticipant
I met my ex while I was still with someone else. He chased me hard and told me he wanted to marry me and wanted me to be the mother of his children.
Fast forward 7 months and I dive head first into a whirlwind relationship. He always put his hobbies and platonic girl friends before me. He put me down a lot. He kept breaking promises like saying he would help me move or visit me, but then back out. Then he broke things off saying I was too demanding when all I wanted were common standards of respect and a loving BF. I must say I’ve always been extremely independent so I was definitely not needy. I found out I was pregnant right after the break up. I told him and he stood very firm on being broken up. I moved by myself (since he refused to help) and had a miscarriage but he refused to see me when he found out.
I decided to drop off the face of the earth.
Then he called and texted to check up on me. I ignored everything. He stopped by my office to drop my things off but I left before so he couldn’t see me. A month later he texted happy birthday and wanted to drop off my keys at work. I messaged him very briefly and politely saying to mail it to me (so I wouldn’t have to see him). We haven’t spoken for 3 months total.
I still love him and want him back but I want him to treat me better. Is it time to end NC or keep going until he contacts me?November 5, 2014 at 6:16 am #67363LucindaParticipant
“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” ~ Maya Angelou
It’s one thing if fear is keeping them from showing their true selves, but it’s usually obvious when that’s the case.November 5, 2014 at 9:04 am #67368kingmakerParticipant
Hi qqlove, you still love this man after you had a miscarriage and he refused to come to you?
It’s always easier for an outsider to comment and pour scorn on these things but I can relate to you here, however I think the fact you have remained strong and kept up NC is brilliant and you should continue.
What make you think he will change now and be the person you want??
He does not deserve you and once you realize that yourself, any notion of contacting him other than to tell him he is an idiot and you are glad he is out of your life, the better!November 7, 2014 at 6:30 am #67482VhanonParticipant
“I still love him and want him back but I want him to treat me better. Is it time to end NC or keep going until he contacts me?”
If you want him to treat you better, then you want another person, a person that has his face and maybe other pleasant traits but behaves better. A person that does not exist at the moment. It may be easier to give up on his look and find someone else who actually behaves better rather than trying to shape him into what you want. His change is his choice and he may be actually fine the way he is. I suppose you tried already a few times, if words and care did not work up to now, why will they work later? You’ve already been far and that did not change him. He already made promises to you and he did not keep them.
The best thing to do is to tell him that you do not love him anymore (somehow that’s true, you love the non-existing man), that his behavior really put you down. Then close contacts again. Then live a happy life and show him what he is missing of you due to his negligence. At that point when he misses you, if he misses you, he may really take into account the words and the request you used to say and change. But don’t rely on it.