I am sorry to hear that Elephantgirl. It depends how and if you can be friends with him? Can you meet him and not have feelings for him other than as a friend? My experience is exactly that – I meet my ex for lunch but she calls the shots because I love her loads and not as a mate. If we row or she is in a bad mood I bare the brunt and I still go back every time! That’s not right! I often sit there having an awful one hour and tell myself never again, yet each day I return to the ‘scene of the crime’.

I actually did NC over the weekend and its Sunday night here and she contacted me to see how I am. I know we will never get back together and each time I am strong, I shout at myself for being weak. However, a friendship should be joint, not one person taking and the other giving.

I am also trying hard to not check my phone every 5 minutes and I try to enjoy the moment and I am in, not harping back to the past but its very hard. I read loads yesterday when I had some spare time and I genuinely think that NC is the right thing, but like you, I really need to want it and to carry it on.

I try to imagine her not being in my life and when I am weak, its unbearable but you know what, recently there are moments that I CAN imagine her not being there, and me getting on happily and this is new to me so maybe, just maybe, there is a glimmer of hope.

Hang in there, I do know how you feel. KM

Hi Elephant girl, I thought I would read your post after you commented on mine. I can seriously relate to you here. I think we both are struggling with the concept of moving on and I keep living in the past and keep looking for any sign that my ex is still interested when in fact her actions don’t match her words. I tried the ‘no contact’ rule and didn’t last 3 days. I hated it and lay next to my phone pressing re-fresh every 2 minutes until I cracked and contacted her. Pathetic you all shout and I agree but right then I couldn’t help it. We know we need to be strong, we know we need to break contact, we know, we know but there is a huge difference between knowing and doing! Last weekend I decided to not contact her and she finally text me late Saturday night then Sunday night so I know I can do it but no contact does not get to the root problem. I contact her because I want to, I want to hear from her and I want her to say nice things to me. This means to me that the issue is with me not her. She has moved on and I am not part of that so why do I want to attach myself to a person that doesn’t want me? Is it low self esteem? Low confidence? I don’t think I have low counts of these but others may argue I do. why do I want to be with a person who lives with someone else now and wants to be with them? Writing the sentences down like that should trigger something in the brain to make you realize and understand that no contact and walking away IS the right thing but maybe I have a Dalek brain lol. I know its the right thing and I know I have to experience sadness to get through but the pit in my stomach tortures me and the images of the past haunt me but I know I am a good loving person that makes people laugh and I need to focus on that. If you want to chat elephantgirl and share your feelings let me know.

Thanks Kadija for your reply. You are right in what you say. I know I must go through some pain before the light appears and I must be strong. I listen to people when they talk of looking within your self and I must admit, when you focus your efforts on someone else and they are ‘your’ life, you do lose sight of yourself. Time for the Kingmaker to be strong and survive without the ex. Thanks again