Forum Replies Created
November 5, 2014 at 9:04 am #67368
Hi qqlove, you still love this man after you had a miscarriage and he refused to come to you?
It’s always easier for an outsider to comment and pour scorn on these things but I can relate to you here, however I think the fact you have remained strong and kept up NC is brilliant and you should continue.
What make you think he will change now and be the person you want??
He does not deserve you and once you realize that yourself, any notion of contacting him other than to tell him he is an idiot and you are glad he is out of your life, the better!September 14, 2014 at 11:29 am #64878
I am sorry to hear that Elephantgirl. It depends how and if you can be friends with him? Can you meet him and not have feelings for him other than as a friend? My experience is exactly that – I meet my ex for lunch but she calls the shots because I love her loads and not as a mate. If we row or she is in a bad mood I bare the brunt and I still go back every time! That’s not right! I often sit there having an awful one hour and tell myself never again, yet each day I return to the ‘scene of the crime’.
I actually did NC over the weekend and its Sunday night here and she contacted me to see how I am. I know we will never get back together and each time I am strong, I shout at myself for being weak. However, a friendship should be joint, not one person taking and the other giving.
I am also trying hard to not check my phone every 5 minutes and I try to enjoy the moment and I am in, not harping back to the past but its very hard. I read loads yesterday when I had some spare time and I genuinely think that NC is the right thing, but like you, I really need to want it and to carry it on.
I try to imagine her not being in my life and when I am weak, its unbearable but you know what, recently there are moments that I CAN imagine her not being there, and me getting on happily and this is new to me so maybe, just maybe, there is a glimmer of hope.
Hang in there, I do know how you feel. KMSeptember 13, 2014 at 12:53 pm #64837
Hey Elephamtgirl, did you meet him for dinner??September 5, 2014 at 1:35 pm #64445
Hi Elephant girl, I thought I would read your post after you commented on mine. I can seriously relate to you here. I think we both are struggling with the concept of moving on and I keep living in the past and keep looking for any sign that my ex is still interested when in fact her actions don’t match her words. I tried the ‘no contact’ rule and didn’t last 3 days. I hated it and lay next to my phone pressing re-fresh every 2 minutes until I cracked and contacted her. Pathetic you all shout and I agree but right then I couldn’t help it. We know we need to be strong, we know we need to break contact, we know, we know but there is a huge difference between knowing and doing! Last weekend I decided to not contact her and she finally text me late Saturday night then Sunday night so I know I can do it but no contact does not get to the root problem. I contact her because I want to, I want to hear from her and I want her to say nice things to me. This means to me that the issue is with me not her. She has moved on and I am not part of that so why do I want to attach myself to a person that doesn’t want me? Is it low self esteem? Low confidence? I don’t think I have low counts of these but others may argue I do. why do I want to be with a person who lives with someone else now and wants to be with them? Writing the sentences down like that should trigger something in the brain to make you realize and understand that no contact and walking away IS the right thing but maybe I have a Dalek brain lol. I know its the right thing and I know I have to experience sadness to get through but the pit in my stomach tortures me and the images of the past haunt me but I know I am a good loving person that makes people laugh and I need to focus on that. If you want to chat elephantgirl and share your feelings let me know.September 5, 2014 at 1:03 pm #64441
Thanks Gabi, I shall keep my eye out for posts of yours, should I be able to return some sound Kingmaker advice. Thanks for taking the time to replySeptember 5, 2014 at 12:40 pm #64439
Thank you Gabi, your words are so true and whilst you may sound harsh in some sentences, you are SO right!! The safe harbour and Plan B was such a good comment; the sensible side of me thinks this too. I am not a stupid person and I know right from wrong and should the situation be with one of my friends, I would be aghast at them allowing it to happen. I really can’t explain why I feel this way and you are right when you say I need to make more effort. I keep thinking what I will feel like in 2-3 years time when I look back on this and I know I will cringe at my weakness.
elephantgirl, I am very happy to motivate you during this time and maybe we share the same emotions and feelings so have things in common.August 15, 2014 at 5:44 am #63425
Sorry but I read this and re-read it. Can I ask why on earth if you knew months ago that he was sleeping with other women, that you wanted to continue the relationship let alone consider moving in with him? I am no expert on syndrome’s and no nothing of this Madonna-whore condition but I cannot understand that any excuse for sleeping with you, and other women at the same time is acceptable. I know for a fact that if I told a woman I was sleeping with her and others, I am pretty sure that relationship would end. Not only is it unacceptable, but sorry to sound like a teacher but have you thought about anything that could be transmitted by these ‘partners’?August 10, 2014 at 2:50 pm #63003
Thanks Kadija for your reply. You are right in what you say. I know I must go through some pain before the light appears and I must be strong. I listen to people when they talk of looking within your self and I must admit, when you focus your efforts on someone else and they are ‘your’ life, you do lose sight of yourself. Time for the Kingmaker to be strong and survive without the ex. Thanks againAugust 9, 2014 at 12:54 pm #62954
I can relate to all the posts on here and would agree that letting go of someone is so hard. I am in a situation where I should walk away and have the clear signs that my ex is long gone, physically and emotionally but will I walk – NO. She is back with her old boyfriend and we remain as ‘friends’ yet I know I should break contact. I know I should walk away and I know that keeping her in some format kills me every day. She treats me appallingly a lot of the times, she is highly critical of me yet she plays games and keeps me with talk that she still loves me but cant have me now, and send me emails occasionally with how much I mean to her still. She admits she loves her fella but loves me in a different way. Why cant I wake up and walk?? I tried no contact and was so weak after 2 days that I contacted her! 2 days, that’s ridiculous. I don’t have a close set of friends and family so I have to rely on sites and self help. I don’t believe I have low self esteem but those that I speak to say that could be the reason I repeatedly go back for more. I check my mobile and email every 10 minutes and this drives me crazy. I keep my self fit and run and try to lead a healthy lifestyle but this infuriates me and I wish I could walk away and forget her. She is with someone else and I am history and I hardly hear from her now so why doesn’t my brain accept this along with my heart and walk away??