Dear JHK:

Can you list “her bad attributes”, as in 1, 2, 3..?

anita

Dear JHK:

When she was in her worst mood that you observed, how did she behave and what did she say?

anita

Dear JHK:

You didn’t answer my question: think about the worst mood swing on her part that you witnessed, what did she say and do during that mood swing?

anita

Dear JHK:

By “She pushed me away”, do you mean she physically pushed you away, as in pushing you away with her arms and legs, kicking you out of her office, let’s say-

– or do you mean that she told you something like: I don’t feel like talking right now. I feel like having alone time?

anita

Dear JHK:

You mentioned earlier today, on this thread, “her bad attributes”. I asked you to list her bad attributes. You then listed…  only one bad attribute: “her mood swing can be drastic“. When I asked you what did she say and do during her worst mood swing, you answered that she said that needed some alone time.

Well, when a person says: I need alone time, not yelling it, not physically pushing a person away, that is not a “mood swing”, nor is it a drastic mood swing.

Do you think that when a person says (not yelling) that she needs time alone, that indeed that is a drastic mood swing?

anita

Dear JHK:

I think you are primarily angry at her and you are obsessed with her. I didn’t find evidence in your threads that she is a bad person or a dishonest person. She may be but I didn’t see anything in your writing to suggest it to me. On the other hand I see evidence that you are not honest with yourself, with her, and with me.

I think that what you have with her is not a friendship but an obsession. Best you move on best you can. Professional counseling will  be best for you and should help you to move on.

“Walk away” is the title of your thread and that is the best thing for you to do and start a process of healing from earlier life experiences, that is, childhood experiences,  that are hurting you now in your quest for love.

anita

Dear JHK:

I think that you are obsessed with her, that is, you are focused on her and you overthink about her, but all that thinking does not lead you to clarity, or if it does at times, you lose that short term clarity when you do more overthinking. Your overthinking is fueled by anxiety and it is not an effective kind of thinking, this is why I referred to  it as obsessive thinking.

You started 8 threads about her since June 6, and every post in these threads is about her. Here are some quotes from earlier posts: “overthinking.. I am too clingy to my female friend… she told me that I was kinda of clingy… Maybe I should have given her some space… Does overthinking hurts a friendship… How to stop overthinking?… I tend to overthink into situations… overthinking makes the other party annoyed… It can be me being insecure that prompts me to be overthinking… my overthinking is more towards this female friend of mine… I feel that I asked unnecessary questions… The anxiety to wait is taxing, because sometimes she does reply but very late.. I am very clingy towards her… I often overthink“.

Too much thinking that doesn’t lead to clarity, and when clarity is achieved, it is soon lost with more overthinking. I call this obsessing.

anita

Dear JHK:

Earlier you wrote: “I went to read it up obsession and I don’t fit the criteria of being an obsessed person”-

– will you copy and paste the criteria you came across, and then mark which criteria you do not fit?

anita