Was any of your parents good-enough?

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This topic has 87 replies, 11 voices, and was last updated 9 years, 1 month ago by Anonymous.

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November 1, 2015 at 1:08 am #86499

Moon Petals
Participant

This is will be last post here clarify some things and prevent speculations –

@kornfield: I am hurt. I meant well and felt bad by what you wrote. I realized its time to move on from this place. I do feel disappointed that I wasnt of much help here. I am much grateful to the people who have taken the time to help me and be compassionate.

@snails: Thanks a lot for understanding and all the best to you too. I am sorry about what happened.

Regards,
Moon

November 1, 2015 at 7:57 am #86508

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Reader:

Fear is a powerful emotion. Again and again recently I clicked on this thread that I started with trepidation, including this morning, afraid of what I was about to read. I read the latest posts above, Moon’s and Jack’s and said to myself: oh, it wasn’t that bad. A relief. The anxiety I felt across the chest is gone for now. And… it will be back.

I am practicing here and now NOT running away from a situation that scares me, that is controversy, negative criticism, rejection. This is my practice. I am practicing courage: acting (with as much reason and logic as I can muster) in spite of my fear, with the fear going, taking a breath, and in this case clicking. And reading.

And I am practicing, when criticized negatively to not go on the defense, to NOT lie on my back in a submissive position, as in saying: YOU say I am wrong, therefore I must be wrong. No. Not anymore.

There will always be criticism, negative criticism, but never as much and as brutal as my own internal critic. Stand up to my external criticizers, and I increase my ability to stand up to my internal critic.

I can exit the forum, cancel my membership, forget about the criticism of others, but I cannot kick out my internal critic, cancel it or forget about it. I have to deal with it… or it will continue to deal with me uninterrupted,

anita

November 2, 2015 at 1:58 am #86555

Anonymous
Inactive

I dont think anybody has to leave though that is the natural instinct. Fight of flight.

and it’s quite clear that we have a topic here that is touchy and upsetting amd inflammatory to some. So what? The world doesn’t go around on people agreeing alone. W’re allowed to disagree and never get to the bottom of it.

The feelings stirred up in here are being taken onto our normal outside lives and letting us feel bad. This is a forum of anonymous people we’ll never meet on real life and I don’t see how continuing to argue has got us anywhere .

Is there a point where we say ok look. We’re not going to iron this out so we all agree that upsets have happened. We lick our wounds . Make a truce and move on or do we keep going til people feel unsafe here lord if the flies style until there are just two people left.

November 2, 2015 at 2:02 am #86556

Anonymous
Inactive

In short. Every one here has a right and a place to be here. This must be respected. No one owns this forUm. And no one has the right to make others feel less of themselves. And if that means manning up and moving on then so be it.

Now you can all focus your anger on my post and come together against a common enemy. Me. Ha ha .

November 2, 2015 at 8:37 am #86566

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Pomplemous:

You wrote: “No one has the right to make others feel less of themselves.” The problem I have with this statement is that I will have to walk on super fragile egg shells her on this forum and in “real life” (Quotes because I believe this forum is part of my real life,I mean I am not on a psychotic break right now… although a psychotic break would also be real life, but I digress…)

What I am trying to say is that there is NO WAY for me (and for anyone) to avoid “making others feel less of themselves”- no way in heaven or in hell. Unless a person is extremely evolved, awake, Buddha-style awake, when a person’s thoughts and believed are disagreed with- the person takes it personally, as if indeed he or she is being treated as less than, and he or she does feel less of themselves simply because of disagreement, misunderstandings- and there always be those.

I intend to further evolve (Buddha-style, as in awakening, as in seeing reality as it is, without dressing reality with my existing neuropoathways, aka inaccurate projections. In the future then, I may be less reactive because I will only feel attacked when I am truly attacked, that is I will be so secure in my beliefs that a disagreement will not threaten me. Not only that, a person’s efforts to manipulate me will not threaten me.

As awake as I will ever be, there still will be reality, and in reality, a good number of people will not be honest or direct with me and will hide behind the bush… and worse. People do attack people every day, multiple times a day, all over the world and in various ways. It is reality.

Some attacks, in the future, will not be threatening to me. Other attacks still will.

Ha ha, Pomplemous, not choosing you as a personal or common enemy.

anita

November 2, 2015 at 9:03 am #86570

Anonymous
Inactive

Yeah but the problem I have with that is you still took it to mean I was getting at you. You both upset each other in different ways but seemingly to similar degrees. I meant everyone who chimed in. Not even leaving me out .

Personally , as we saw in a previous thread, some angers we just have to swallow and move on.

All we are on the face of things are words on a page. We have a choice how we want the forum to continue. We can let the other words on pages affect us to the point of creating and holding grudges in our already heavy hearts or the words on the page can aplologise to each other – I’m sorry I upset you and I’m sorry I upset you and we all realise we have corners we feel backed into and limits we can go to and sometimes some of us can read words on pages in ways that are interpreted in a way that goes deeper than words on a page and so on and so on. ..

It’s time to stand down from this argument. No one needs to leave and no one needs to lose face. We all just learned something about each other and that’s that.

And if you think I’m referring just to you then you chose to. We all chimed in on this and we all have our places to say our sorries

November 2, 2015 at 11:03 am #86574

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Pomplemous:

I would like to reply to your latest post here on a new thread that I will call “Why are you here?”

Is it okay with you if I copy all or most of your post above, the latest one and paste it in my to be initial post on the new thread?

anita

November 2, 2015 at 11:04 am #86575

Anonymous
Guest

And is it okay if I mention your user name next to the pasted copy?
anita

November 2, 2015 at 12:57 pm #86578
jock
Participant
And no one has the right to make others feel less of themselves.

I think a better quote is:
“Noone has the ability to make me feel less about myself.”
That is more empowering.
We are more able to change the way we react, than what is external.
- This reply was modified 9 years, 1 month ago by jock.
- This reply was modified 9 years, 1 month ago by jock.
- This reply was modified 9 years, 1 month ago by jock.
November 2, 2015 at 1:21 pm #86582

Anonymous
Guest

Dear jack:

I agree. because of the high frequency of inaccurate projections or the likely possibilities of inaccurate projections, it is not realistic for me to take responsibility to how another feels. If I look at a person and the person thinks I look at him or her in a shaming way, am I responsible for the person’s belief? What if I ask a person: “How are you feeling?” And the person thinks: “what business is it of yours, what I am feeling? Just because I look pissed off, doesn’t mean I am crazy, so what business is it of you to call me crazy?” Do I take responsibility for him claiming I thought of him/ called him in my mind, crazy?

This is why I ASK what people mean? I ask for clarity. Inaccurate projections are more common than accurate projections.

To say: “nobody has the right to call another names, like “loser” or *^&RT*^”- then yes, I will agree. Or “nobody has the right to punch another in the face (except for self protection in person)- I would say: yes.

But otherwise, it is not realistic or reasonable to take responsibility over what another feels. ANYTHING I say can trigger someone out there negatively, trigger an existing belief, activate an existing pathway.

November 2, 2015 at 2:08 pm #86585

jock
Participant

In answer to Pomp’s statement that “no one owns this forum” I would agree. But the way I see it is, Anita has earned the right to be the main authority figure here. if anyone else is prepared to do the hard yards and respond devotedly to every cry for help every day, every post, then I might consider them as well but I haven’t seen it yet.
So I am prepared to cut Anita more slack than everyone else. If I strongly disagree with her I am going to spend more time communicating with respect. But the way it has turned out recently, I agree with her anyway.
On the other hand if someone comes on here randomly and expects 100% empathy for their point of view, I’m not going to feel as obliged.
So you can call this bias if you like but I wouldn’t support someone who I think didn’t deserve it.

November 2, 2015 at 4:36 pm #86599

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Jack:

I am amazed, can’t say I got this kind of support before. I can hardly believe this. I mean, really, I… am speechless would be the word. I have to copy this and paste it for my permanent records just in case this disappears, this post.

I have to say that I am not an authority here, on this forum. I appreciate the sentiment so very much, Jack, and I am not an authority here. I am learning to be the authority in my life, though- and that is so necessary for my mental health, that is stop my neurotic second guessing of myself and submitting to anyone who disagrees with me. It is good to be my own authority.

Thank you so much. I am touched, moved, humbled- sincerely, I can’t believe it!

And whatever happens, Jack, please don’t take it away from me, this is too precious.

anita

November 2, 2015 at 4:45 pm #86601

jock
Participant

just a shame this place is not more lively

November 2, 2015 at 4:50 pm #86603

Anonymous
Guest

Yes, that would be nice. It is nice to read people from all over the world though, all continents covered except for Antarctica. I like that.
anita

November 2, 2015 at 9:55 pm #86630
Anonymous
Inactive
Yep we can jump to a new thread.

Just a sentence or two here. Anita your last note about no one can realistically take responsibility for what another person feels – I’m going to read that as a half apology to snails as she couldnt reasonably or realistically be held responsible for how you felt over her words on a page. Good I’m glad we got there.

Jack, and Anita. I absolutely agree with your vote point that Anita does the most work and is the person who most reaches out and spends the most time helping others . Jack I’m going to be honest and say on one occasion.. or two .. you come across as her guard dog. I didn’t see it as helpful to the discussion back there to make a standpoint of taking sides because suddenly it became a side taking thing not a grown up discussion between two other people .

None of us are victims. Your love for each other is admirable and Anita the time abs love you spend on others is beautiful.

It’s wring to be yes men to each other. None if us are always right and we don’t learn wirh just yeses
- This reply was modified 8 years, 9 months ago by tinybuddha.
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