Hi Rox,

I too, have had the same problems. I overreact, and drive away men. This comes from a very tramautic, turbulent childhood, where I was abandoned over and over and severely neglected and abused by an Alcoholic mother. My father, although he loved me, had to always travel for business.

This has caused me tremendous insecurities in my relationships. All have been chaotic, became quickly intense, became “in love” way too soon. It was all drama on my part, I was bored if there was no fighting or chaos that I was used to in my childhood. I would get bored and fall “out of love” within 3 months and go on to the next man.

I am now working on my mental illness, post traumatic stress disorder, a personality disorder, major depressive disorder, panic disorder and an intense fear of abandonment and rejection.

You said “he gave up too easily” sometimes, I have said this too when men left me when they tired of my intensity. Can you expand on that?

Dear Rox:

I hope you feel better soon and that you will do good work with the counselor you are seeing.

You wrote in your last post on the thread: “Where did that love go? (It) is not fair”-

But Rox, he showed you nothing but love, according to your account, and it is you that hurt him. It is not fair to hurt a person who shows you nothing but love.

In your original post you wrote: “He told me that I had hurt him too much and that the last fight was one to many arguments between us and that he had been patient but he didn’t want to do that anymore.”- he said that you “hurt him too much”.

When he told you: “I have decided to move on. wish you the best”- he was taking care of himself, as he should. It is his first and most important job to take care of himself, to protect himself from harm. It is not his job to continue to love a person who is hurting him.

I understand that you hurt him because you were hurt yourself (before you ever met him), that you felt distressed, felt angry and turned against him… this is why people hurt others, they feel distressed and then, they proceed to release that distress by hurting another.

In your next relationship, when you feel distress, take time out before you proceed. Don’t automatically react to your distress by starting an argument, a fight, saying something hurtful, for the purpose of relieving your anger.

I hope you do good work in counseling, getting insightregarding the distress that destroyed this has-been-a-potential long-term loving relationship.

anita