We are perfect together but we could not be together

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This topic has 12 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 5 years, 10 months ago by Anonymous.

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February 1, 2019 at 7:52 am #277989

KC
Participant

im currently in a long distance relationship (4 years), we are perfect for each other as in our personality matches and he make me continually develop myself as an individual rather than a weak girl.

Unfortunately, his parents strongly disagree with him having other girls apart from his own race. He believe that a marriage has to have blessings from the parents so we are practically no future.

now he’s asking to go separate ways so we could move on because of the pressure from his parents and me but I knew he is hurting as much as I do.

Till now I’m still holding on desperately because I knew it will be so hard or even impossible to find someone like him.

Please help me…

February 1, 2019 at 10:05 am #278077

Anonymous
Guest

Dear KC:

His parents disapprove of you because of your race and he will not go against their wishes and so, he is “asking to go separate ways so we could move on because of the pressure from his parents”-

I ask so to understand better, is he asking you to end the relationship with you, waiting for you to agree to it, or has he ended the relationship already?

anita

February 1, 2019 at 1:27 pm #278121
Mark
Participant
KC,

You are asking for help. Help in moving on?

It sounds like the best considering that 1) he is married, 2) that he wants to go separate ways and 3) that it is a long distance relationship.

Transitions like that are hard. There really is no way to ameliorate the pain. The best way is to make a clean break (no contact) and don’t look back.

Find comfort with friends. Continue to take care of yourself with exercise, meditation, and other self care tools.

Mark
- This reply was modified 5 years, 10 months ago by Mark.
February 1, 2019 at 11:24 pm #278165

KC
Participant

Dear Anita,

I’m younger than him by 9 years, he doesn’t want me to waste my youth on him knowing that future is impossible.

but I know he’s hurting equally as me and I don’t wan him to end up in a relationship whether he’s just doing for the sake of parents.

He is insisting me to walk away and get a new life ahead of me while I’m being determined to hold on and fight for us.

i text him, he reads and at times he replies and asked me to look ahead, it’s better for us.

February 1, 2019 at 11:25 pm #278167

KC
Participant

Dear Mark,

He is not married, he’s leaving because he does not want me to waste anymore of my youth on him.

February 2, 2019 at 3:52 am #278171

Anonymous
Guest

Dear KC:

I assume that during the four year long distance relationship with yo, he knew that (1) you are of a different race (2) that his parents disapprove of him marrying a woman of a different race, and (3) that he will not get married without his parents’ approval.

If I assumed correctly, why do you think he became concerned with you wasting your youth only recently and not in the previous four years?

anita

February 2, 2019 at 9:03 am #278227

Michelle
Participant

His marriage is probably imminent. For your best interest, you should listen to what he is telling you and move on. Cut contact and don’t look back. Just enjoy the memories.

I also think you need to thoughtfully consider Anita’s questions. Most (if not all) men from a culture where arranged marriage/extreme parental influence is common know what their future relationship is going to look like. They often have fleeting affairs with unsuspecting women because they want the experience of “being in love” before duty calls. I personally find this deceitful. Playing with someone else’s emotions is not a good thing to do (it happened to me; I had no idea about the cultural influence of this stuff). I suspect this was the case with your situation unfortunately.

February 2, 2019 at 9:44 am #278245

Mark
Participant

KC,

Have you ever met him in person?

When you say you want to “fight for him,” what does that mean?

He is not fighting for you so why would you fight for him?

I go back to the long distance aspect of this relationship, I believe you cannot really know someone until you spend some significant time with him in person.

Move on,

Mark

February 2, 2019 at 5:58 pm #278297

KC
Participant

Dear Anita,

We started this relationship without knowing that we could survived the long distance thing. Maybe that’s the reason why he didn’t concern about it before?

Prior to this, he’s in the same country as me and he moved back to his family 2 years ago. The moment he moved back, he’s getting pressure from his parents and from me as well.

February 2, 2019 at 5:58 pm #278299

KC
Participant

Dear Michelle,

I understand but i don’t think it’s fair to him as well.

February 2, 2019 at 6:01 pm #278301

KC
Participant

Dear Mark,

Yes, we been together physically for 2 years before he moved back and we became long distance.

It appeared that he had given up without trying but I kept thinking perhaps he been trying and it reached to a point he could no longer that the pressure hence he just give up?

Because of this thought, I feel guilty if I would just give up the same way he did.

February 2, 2019 at 7:32 pm #278305

Mark
Participant

KC,

I believe it takes two to make a relationship. It seems that he has made his decision.

I don’t know what it means if you decide to “try” to keep this relationship.

You can only control your behavior, not his.

Mark

February 3, 2019 at 9:21 am #278371

Anonymous
Guest

Dear KC:

In your original post you wrote: “Till now I’m still holding on desperately because I knew it will be so hard or even impossible to find someone like him”-

but what you had all along was not him, but him and his father and his mother, three people in one. He is not a man who loves you, he is a man who loves you and will not marry you because you are of a different race and obeys his parents.

And so, understanding better who he is, I think it will be possible and not too difficult to find a better choice 0f a man, a man who will love you, who will not break up with you because you are of a different race and who will not obey his parents.

anita
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