Thank you for responding, Brooke.

“I feel this would fall into the category of self actualization: A good lifetime goal for anybody who would like to complete themselves to there own satisfaction while maintaining a constant flow of giving back to society, and the people they love and care about. How it looks in every day life would vary state to state, country to country, etc etc. If and when I get there I might have a better explanation.”

What the process of growing into emotional mastery looks like to me is that I become more neutral and less reactive, more aware of the slightest triggers and reactions and able to manage them in the moment so they don’t control me. I certainly have not fully mastered emotions as there are still times when anger is on slow burn and I cannot do anything about it, or my thoughts are obsessive over some perceived wrong-doing towards me. I call that my human sprout aspect, a part of me still in development. They joy is growing in self-awareness and compassion, and observing myself as my actions grow more towards my ideal of the whole human.

Dear Anita,

You wrote, “Emotional mastery doesn’t have a look. It doesn’t look like any particular thing.A person who mastered his/ her emotions cannot be recognized. A person trying to look like he mastered his emotions, a guru type. And when such a person recognizes a person looking for a guru, there is a match. A personal standard, highly personal. Not something to show off like a new car or a college degree.

“Some of the characteristics are the ability to endure distress, to not automatically react to distress in destructive ways, to calm oneself down when agitated and before acting, patience with oneself and with others. These do not look, again, like anything in everyday life: there is no look, a glitter in the eye or a certain strong chin, or a head held high… no appearances to emotional mastery.”

I recognize people who have emotional mastery and do not just talk about it. They are non-reactive and act more from higher feelings than from lower emotions. It is past due in human history to bring this awareness from being highly personal to being culturally normal. The look is not a glitter, but gold that can be seen by those with eyes to see.

I agree that a person trying to look like she has mastered her emotions is obvious, and that emotional mastery is not something to show off. A person who has gained emotional mastery does not talk about their own mastery. It is individual, and evident, when the self-mastery is real.

Thank you for responding.

Gary

Dear Anita,

I avoid evaluating people, even myself. Recognizing is something different.

When I see someone respond to a volatile or turbulent happening with equanimity and calm, my first thought is probably, ‘That person seems to exhibit emotional mastery.’

Of course this could be off. They might be numb with fear.

If I have an opportunity to experience that person over time, in a variety of stressful circumstances, and they continue to respond in an attractive, mature way my interest will be piqued. I will probably talk with them to understand from where their calmness arises.

Best,

Gary