Hi Franco

It is good to hear that you wouldn’t be less interested in someone for not being experienced. If you wouldn’t judge someone else, you should not judge yourself.

Well realistically I think that some people, not others are worried about certain things happening with people who are less experienced.

There are stereotypes of people getting overly attached too quickly. Another concern is shyness.

But I think the most important factor is mental health. Being so hard on yourself, intensely disliking yourself, being ashamed of yourself is concerning for mental health.

How do you feel about yourself in these areas?

Ultimately, a lot of people are looking to establish relationships with those who are confident, have healthy boundaries and good mental health.

Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏

Dear Franco:  

Would you like to describe the areas you would like to improve specifically, clearly, so that I am clear about what specifically you need advice for?

anita

Hi Franco

In terms of self esteem and confidence, practicing writing down things that you like about yourself can be helpful. I also like writing down compliments that people give me and who said them.

Coming to terms with what happened in the past can be helpful too. I know that it is painful for you to even think about and that you aren’t willing to discuss it at the moment.

Do you think that you might be worried about rejection from the message that you wrote? Maybe she won’t even want to get to know you? It is a possibility. But you have a tendency to blame yourself. I worked in a shop and was hit on by customers. It was my policy not to entertain dating customers and that was related to my general policy of not dating strangers. No matter how awesome someone could have been I was uncomfortable with strangers. But not everyone is like me, she may say yes. My point is that dating isn’t necessarily about you. It is about how the other person feels. People can have reasons entirely unrelated to you for deciding what they want to do.

Changing your mindset about rejection, not blaming yourself is key to making it less painful. Are you disappointed if you don’t win the lottery? This is how random dating can be.

Ultimately, people are looking for their own unique set of criteria for an ideal partner and everyone is looking for something different. Dating is the search for the person that fits what you are looking for.

I was looking for someone who was intelligent, kind and good at communicating. Someone who was willing to get to know me as a friend first. This was because I had been hurt before, so dating someone that I could trust not to hurt me was important. Intelligence and communication, because I like to talk about a million different things. Not everyone can keep up with that, or wants to.

Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏

Dear Franco:

You posted: “I feel not at my best I need to improve in those areas any advice is welcomed“.  I asked you “Would you like to describe the areas you would like to improve specifically, clearly, so that I am clear about what specifically you need advice for?”, and you answered: “Self-esteem and self-confidence“-

– my advice: the more you connect with people on a personal level, the better your self-esteem and confidence will be. Here, on your thread (and elsewhere): share more, be more specific, clarify, give details, expand on one-liners. Get personal: when you respond to a particular member, address your reply to the particular member, try to connect with those positively responding to you.

anita