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What is wrong with me?

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  • #153186
    Adly Flores
    Participant

    I am in a relationship with a man who loves me, in a beautiful and healthy way. But yet, sometimes I feel like I am still waiting for something better. But I don’t want to leave him because I do love him. But how can you love someone and want to leave them?

    I have this thing where I have the urge to leave the people I love (romantic or otherwise), leave without saying goodbye and disappearing – and nkt caring about the damage I leave behind, but I don’t want them to move on.

    I don’t know what it is. Whether it is insecurity beause I am with someone who finally treats me good or I really do need to explore other options – and let him be with someone who isnt fucked up.

     

    i dont know if this fully explains what my problem is but hopefully some of you may hve gone through similiar feelings.

     

     

     

     

    #153200
    Mark
    Participant

    Hi Adly,

    It’s OK to feel this way. It doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you. You love the way he loves you but you sense there may be someone else out there who you may love more one day.

    I know how it feels to not want to be close with anyone. Lately I have been sort of taking a step back and looking at the dating scene with a more detached perspective. I was always the type of guy who wanted to find a girl and have everything with her — passion, friendship, a child. But maybe in this day and age love is getting less like that. Maybe that’s OK. Maybe you can still have an awesome relationship/friendship with your current guy but not lose possibility. A lot of relationship’s passion simply can not stand the test of time. It doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with him or you. And hopefully one day you will find a guy who you know for sure you don’t want anyone else. If you do find him, try to let your boyfriend down gently and give him hope. Breaking up is almost unbelievably depressing, but after the depression is almost a whole new life, a new person strengthened by a broken heart.

    #153224
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi AdleyFlores,

    I too have this same problem. Sometimes, it many be a matter of being bored with a healthy and loving relationship. When you desribe wanting “better” do you think you might be wanting “excitement” “passion” “being in love” and the euphoria it brings? “intensity”.

    I know with me, I had a very unstable, chaotic childhood. So, I’m my adult life, I tend to go for men that mirror what I was given or not given in my childhood. For example, my father due to travel, was never there, so I tend to attract emotionally available men, I try to “fix” them, but what I am really trying to fix is my Dad, and unresolved issues.

    I also gravitate to men who don’t really love me, or maybe I can’t love them, other than the high of being “in love” this is my way of trying to fix my Alcololic mother who constantly abandoned, neglected and verbally, emotionally abused me. Unless, I have intensity in my relationships, I tend to grow bored with “healthy love”.

    Now, you may have had a great childhood. But still may want some kind of excitement and spontaneous fun in your relationship. Try to develop that in your relationship. Do things with him you have never done before. Bed and breakfast, a long romantic evening drive, going to a planetarium and looking at the stars through a telescope, going to a different country together, going to a casino, going to a hotel for the heck of it like you were on a vacation, get massages together, anything to get you out of your routine, to make you fall in love again and add excitement. Keep us posted.

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