Hello RedDress,

For me, the “tell yourself you’re amazing” method is a sure way to create even more anxiety for myself.

For those times that I feel anxious about whatever it is – usually a social gathering – I say to myself, “Just be yourself.”  I also think it’s helpful to learn to laugh at yourself.  The more comfortable you are with yourself, the more others will be.  Of course, if you’re at something like a job interview, you need to remain professional

I also try to do some practice lines in my mind before going to an event.  Practice what you might say to someone to start a conversation, and have something ready for the usual questions, “what’s new with you?” “How is the job going?”  “Planning any vacations.  And have something ready to move away from any situation that might amp up your anxiety/fears…like, “Would you excuse me…I see someone I need to say hello to.”  And then move in another direction.  Or, “It has been lovely talking with you, but I need to head out to another get together.”

When I know I’m walking into something that could become heated, I remind myself that I am in control of what I say and how I say it.  And that saying nothing IS saying something.

I also agree with Kay – everything is a learning experience.  Do the best with what you know, and when you know better, do better.  That’s from Maya Angelou.

Airene