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What to do to lessen the fear of an event?

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  • #215187
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    what can I say to myself to lessen the fear of an upcoming event: be it a job interview, first day at work, presentation, date, trip?

     

    I often read read online that you should tell yourself that you will be amazing! But in some cases , that sets me up for hurt when I do fail at that thing. Also, telling myself I will do my best and that I am ready is also a bad strategy because sometimes I am not very well prepared.

     

    what can I tell myself that isn’t a lie or deception…that works even when I am not sure I’ll succeed or even when I have a chance of failing. Something to calm my nerves .

    #215191
    Kay
    Participant

    What I used to do was meditate to calm my nerves before. Just taking a couple minutes to become present in the moment. Then I’d tell myself that I’m good enough and I’m capable and trying my best is perfectly good enough, even if I do not succeed. Just trying is what mattered. Everyting is a learning experience and I’d tell myself not to worry because if it does not work out, something better will be coming.

    #215203
    Airene
    Participant

    Hello RedDress,

    For me, the “tell yourself you’re amazing” method is a sure way to create even more anxiety for myself.

    For those times that I feel anxious about whatever it is – usually a social gathering – I say to myself, “Just be yourself.”  I also think it’s helpful to learn to laugh at yourself.  The more comfortable you are with yourself, the more others will be.  Of course, if you’re at something like a job interview, you need to remain professional

    I also try to do some practice lines in my mind before going to an event.  Practice what you might say to someone to start a conversation, and have something ready for the usual questions, “what’s new with you?” “How is the job going?”  “Planning any vacations.  And have something ready to move away from any situation that might amp up your anxiety/fears…like, “Would you excuse me…I see someone I need to say hello to.”  And then move in another direction.  Or, “It has been lovely talking with you, but I need to head out to another get together.”

    When I know I’m walking into something that could become heated, I remind myself that I am in control of what I say and how I say it.  And that saying nothing IS saying something.

    I also agree with Kay – everything is a learning experience.  Do the best with what you know, and when you know better, do better.  That’s from Maya Angelou.

    Airene

    #215569
    Robert
    Participant

    Breathing exercises! the alexander technique is great. Its used by a lot of actors and singers for the breathe, but there are great techniques to learn for anyone. Sometimes we really need to reach out to someone and ask for encouragement, because when we don’t believe something about ourselves, we will believe it when we hear it from others. maybe try to find an accountability partner, and ask them if they can give you encouragement before an event to take away the nerves? Preferably someone older and wise. that works for me.

    #215895
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Thanks everyone! I’d be more interested to learn about this Alexander technique Robert !

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