Dear Nichole:

“Well, I had a call where I kind of exploded on a caller. It was really bad. A lot was said. I was unprofessional. It was not right what I did and I will have to face the consequences. I have a lot of shame around it and am working through that.”-

I didn’t pay attention to this part of your post when I replied to you last night wit red wine in my system. I am sorry that it happened, Nichole! Any news in regard to this???

“I reached out via email and text to Dad… I am not entirely sure how I feel about it. Processing…lol”- How are you feeling about it today?

Of what I did pay attention to last night, I find this part very meaningful: “I believed there was a destination. An end to healing and the pain. But you are right, the process is and will always be ongoing. Especially the more traumatic the upbringing was. And I am beginning to be okay with that too. I enjoy the self discovery and depth that comes with healing.”-

You said it perfectly and I can’t say it any better.

During the long, long time when I believed there was a destination (a happily-ever-after existence), I was greatly disappointed whenever I felt distressed yet again following some healing or better understanding, and figured that I have to restart from zero.

It is only after I understood that a happily-ever-after existence is a thing of fairytales and fantasy, that I stopped having the unrealistic expectation of no more distress. And what happened next was that when I felt distressed I tried to be aware why it happened and what I can learn from it.

Actually, every single day I repeat this mantra in these exact words: “Learn today: base today’s learning on top of yesterday’s, and tomorrow’s on top of today’s. The only kind of learning that can make a positive difference when it comes to mental health-is the continuous, progressive kind, the kind that continues and progresses from one day to the next, building on the previous day’s”.

Thank you for your kind words, Nichole. And I am grateful for you too 🙏

I hope to read from you soon as I am concerned about your job situation.

🤍 Anita

Good to read from you, Nichole! Not focused enough to process.. I will Thurs.. Dec 4 morning!

Dear Nichole:

Yes, I did enjoy red wine on Thanksgiving. What kind of white wine do you prefer?

As far as the call you had with a customer, obviously it wasn’t anywhere close to how bad you thought it was (a relief, isn’t it?)

“I really sat in shame and anxiety about that and realized that it triggered my perfectionism and fear of making a mistake.”- pre-existing shame and anxiety do make things feel like they’re worse than they really are!

“About my Dad and family…I never received a response”- good thing perhaps. Please try to not take it personally.

I’ll share with you another part of my daily mantra: “I peel off me chronic shame and guilt, self-doubt and mistrust and replace those with love for myself, being on my side.. while (the adult part of me) is holding myself accountable for my words and actions today, and every day”. Recently I added to the mantra: “However imperfectly, but I am getting better and better at it” (at holding myself accountable, that is.. and becoming a better and better person each and every day).

The visual of you putting up a Christmas tree this weekend is exciting to me, lights and decorations..

🤍 Anita