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  • #356582
    Sofat
    Participant

    Hello everyone and thanks for taking the time and reading my story.

    I’m a 29 year old teacher. Three years ago a 17 girl came to my class and she was a nice and beautiful girl which I began to fall in love with her. After two or three months I started chatting with her. I realized that she loves me too. We chatted all the time and things went well. Suddenly she told me that she couldn’t text me because of her studies. But she sent me from time to time. I was really alone and desperate. I tried to let her go and I made it. But a couple of months she came to me and confessed that she’s terribly sorry and she had thought she could find a better partner. We started chatting for two months until last year. She again told me she likes to be doctor and she wants to go away for a year and she’ll come back! I just got very sad and waited for her to come back. Until these days that she calls me from time to time and says she doesn’t like to talk to anyone! But still is calling me! She says that she has some good partners to choose who are rich and she wants to think clearly to decide. She says that she won’t marry me until I have huge amounts of money! I’m confused what to do! Does she love me? If she doesn’t love me and she doesn’t want to think about her future with me! Why does she call me? Can you please help me what I should do.

    Thank you in advance

    And sorry for my lengthy text.

    #356738
    Sofat
    Participant

    Anita? Did you read my story?

    #356740
    Jan
    Participant

    Dear Sofat

    This girl is yanking your chain! Let her go, you should never have begun a relationship with your pupil in the first place and she is enjoying demeaning you with stories of the many rich men she can choose between (or thinks she can) who are ‘better’ than you. She doesn’t love you and it’s likely you don’t love her, you’re just infatuated with her beauty.

    She sounds very narcissistic. You will never be able to build a loving, worthwhile relationship with her. All she wants is a rich man. Do you really want someone whose ‘love’ you have to buy? Marriage with such a girl would be very painful for you, she’s just looking for the proverbial meal ticket.

    Be strong. Next time she calls, don’t answer. Or tell her not to call again. One way or another, it’s important to get this young woman out of your life so that you can look for someone with whom you can build a real, loving relationship.

    This probably isn’t what you want to hear, but I really believe you have to let go now.

    all the best

    Jan

    #356758
    anita
    Participant

    Sofat:

    A teacher is a professional and as a professional you need to have professional relationships with your students. It is unethical, and may be illegal for a 29 year old teacher to pursue a 17 year old student (or any 17 year old) for a private relationship, be it friendship, dating or marriage.

    Reads to me that you are indeed “alone and desperate” and clueless in regard to relationships. If you reply to what I wrote so far, I will communicate with you further.

    anita

     

    #356842
    Sofat
    Participant

    Thank you Jon and Anita for replaying back. Anita you’re absolutely right. I’m alone and totally clueless of relationship world. I really liked to be with someone who had lots of things in common with me. I know it sounds ridiculous to date with your student. But I fell in love with her. I mean I’m not merely sexually oriented to her. It’s just beyond sex.

    #356848
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Sofat:

    Is it legal where you live, for a teacher to have a personal relationship with his student, be it a personal friendship or a personal romantic relationship?

    And if it is legal, is the above italicized,  considered ethical, in the education system where you live?

    Regarding being clueless in regard to relationships: if you would like to share your relationship related experience, please do and I will respond further to you on the topic.

    anita

    #356898
    Sofat
    Participant

    <p style=”text-align: left;”>If you don’t spill the beans, no one will find out. If you just manage ato get married with her it’s okay! I used to be in a serious relationship four years ago. And it ended up with letting her go because she just got married. and yeah! That’s all! Since then, I’ve dated this guy.</p>

    #356905
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Sofat:

    I asked you if a teacher dating his/ her student is legal or ethical where you live, and your answer is: “If you don’t spill the beans, no one will find out”. Does this mean that you are okay stealing, killing, etc., as long as no one will find out?

    anita

    #356921
    Sofat
    Participant

    I mean I live in a country where everything should be done in a secret way. From relationships to things like wearing more revealing things it should be done in a mysterious way! That’s the rule! Anyway, I’m not meant to bother you or anyone else with my story. I was here to sympathize! To get help not to feel worse! Because I think the way how you respond to my comments are filled with anger! I was here to get help not to feel sadness. When you feel devastated you need to heal! That’s the univeral language that everyone owns!

    #356924
    anita
    Participant

    Sofat (I can’t bring myself to put the Dear in front of your screen name):

    Yes, I do feel angry at you for being a 29 year old teacher who is pursuing a 17 year old student for a romantic and sexual relationship. It is wrong, and doing it secretly or mysteriously doesn’t make it right.

    What you need is not my sympathy so that you can feel better about doing something wrong; what you and the 17 girl need is that you stop doing what is wrong. Pursue an adult  for a romantic and sexual relationship- not a teenager who is still legally a child. When you see to it that you have no contact with the 17 year old, I will be glad to give you sympathy.

    anita

    • This reply was modified 1 month, 2 weeks ago by anita.
    #356929
    Sofat
    Participant

    It sounds rude! I won’t stretch it any further. I think I should think on my own! Bye

    #356931
    anita
    Participant

    Sofat:

    You are a 29 year old adult and a teacher. You are pursuing a 17 year old student who attended your class for the purpose of engaging with her sexually and romantically.

    It is wrong for an adult to pursue a child/ a person of a minor age (not yet an adult) for sexual and romantic purposes: it is called child sexual abuse. It is very, very wrong.

    It is wrong for an adult in position of power, such as a parent, a teacher, a police officer, a priest etc., to misuse that position of power so to take advantage of a child. It is a terrible betrayal of a child’s trust.

    Don’t do what is wrong because other people do it, or because you may get away with it (you wrote: “if you don’t spill the beans, no one will find out.. everything should be done in a secret way”), or because you are desperate and lonely (“I was really alone and desperate”).

    Your job is to teach your students math or science, some academic subject, not to pursue them for sex and romance. Seek a sexual and romantic relationship with a person who is an adult: considering your age, that would be a person in her twenties or older.

    anita

    • This reply was modified 1 month, 2 weeks ago by anita.
    #356966
    Jan
    Participant

    .

    • This reply was modified 1 month, 2 weeks ago by Jan.
    #356967
    Jan
    Participant

    Dear Sofat

    I don’t know which country you’re in but, in the UK where I live, 16 is the age of consent. Perhaps it is the same where you are? Therefore, I believe Anita is being too judgmental of you, particularly as three years have passed and this young woman is now 20. Even at 17 she was no child, but a very knowing and manipulative young woman. It was wrong of you to pursue a student, but you are NOT guilty of child abuse. Your attitude towards getting away with pursuing a student is not commendable, but the accusation put to you is without foundation and very harsh.

    Jan

    #356975
    anita
    Participant

    * Jan:

    Normally I respond only to the Original Poster (OP) in every thread, not to the members replying to the OP. I am making an exception here because of the seriousness of the topic, which is a teacher pursuing his or her minor age student for a sexual relationship. My purpose is not to argue with you, but to correct a mistake I made and to bring up points that you may have not noticed. You are welcome to respond to this post of mine.

    Indeed I made the mistake of not noticing that at the present time the OP (man or woman, I don’t know) is 29 and the former student is 20. Yet, the topic I italicized above is still the same because the OP  pursued her when she was 17-

    – if you look at the OP’s first paragraph, it says: “Three years ago a 17 girl came to my class and .. I began to fall in love with her. After two or three months I started chatting with her. I realized that she loves me too. We chatted all the time and things went well. Suddenly she told me that she couldn’t text me because of her studies“- what I italicized here happened when the girl was 17, three years ago. The OP pursued (texting her) the student so frequently, that he/she interrupted her studies, and she asked him/her to stop texting her so that she can study! The OP doesn’t seem to think that there is something wrong with this picture and feels hurt by a perceived rejection, not seeming to realize that a teacher is supposed to promote the student’s study, not to interrupt her studies with his/her romantic and sexual interest in said student!

    Later on, the OP wrote to me: “I know it sounds ridiculous to date with your student. But I fell in love with her. I mean I’m not merely sexually oriented to her. It’s just beyond sex”- here the OP expresses the attitude that if a teacher is falling in love with a minor age student, and the interest in said student is sexual and beyond, then it is okay for the teacher to pursue the student romantically and sexually.

    Next, I asked the OP if “a personal relationship, be it a professional friendship or a personal romantic relationship” is “considered ethical, in the education system where you live?”, and the OP’s answered: “if you don’t spill the beans, no one will find out… I live in a country where everything should be done in a secret way”. Here the OP is expressing that it may be unethical for a teacher to date a minor age child, but if she doesn’t tell, if he doesn’t tell, if you keep the dating a secret, then the OP is okay with doing something as unethical as this.

    anita

     

    • This reply was modified 1 month, 2 weeks ago by anita.
Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 26 total)

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