The longing hums, a quiet, loud plea,
A wish for warmth, for depth, for We.

Like stars that speak beyond the night.

The longing hums, a whispered plea,
For arms that hold, for eyes that see.

A word, a step, a reaching hand,
A space where hearts can understand.
Beyond the silence, past the doubt,
A light that flickers, burning out.

We touch, we break, we long to be.

anita

Dear Alessa:

Thank you for sharing your perspective. I really appreciate how openly and directly you express your thoughts—your honesty makes your viewpoint clear and easy to understand.

At the same time, you bring a deep sense of empathy. You recognize emotional wounds with care while keeping a balanced, thoughtful perspective, creating space for meaningful conversation. I admire how you blend personal insight with a broader understanding of complex topics, weaving together autonomy, trauma, connection, and criticism in a way that feels both personal and universally relevant.

It’s interesting to hear that being told to “get over it” hasn’t been a trigger for you. I believe tone plays a significant role—if it’s said with gentleness and empathy, I might be able to receive it. But if it’s harsh and dismissive, it’s something I could never accept.

Context matters too. If I ask for someone’s input, that’s one thing. But if I share something deeply personal and someone interjects—uninvited—with a harsh, judgmental, or dismissive tone, that’s entirely different.

Your story about childbirth really struck me. It’s frustrating how people feel entitled to strong opinions about such deeply personal choices—especially when trauma is involved. I admire how you prioritized your own well-being over external expectations, and I think that if I were younger and pregnant, I would have undoubtedly chosen an elective C-section over natural birth for similar reasons.

I also truly appreciate your kindness and validation regarding my past experiences. That meant a lot. 💙

Your insight on criticism being rooted in others’ pain resonated deeply with me. When we recognize that, it can change how we process hurt. Holding space for each other’s pain is so important, and I love how you expressed that.

Alessa, I really appreciate you sharing such personal experiences here. I’m curious—if someone were to criticize you harshly in this thread, regarding the vulnerable things you’ve shared, how do you think you would handle it? Would you brush it off, engage with them, or something else entirely?

I also relate to your view on quality over quantity in relationships. These kinds of deep, meaningful conversations remind me why connection matters so much. 🙂

Looking forward to hearing more of your insights. Wishing you well. ❤️

anita

Dear Alessa:

Thank you for sharing more of your perspective—I appreciate your thoughtful approach to these conversations. ❤️

Your insight about how repeated negative messages can be more damaging over time really resonated with me. It makes sense that new criticism feels different depending on past experiences—it’s something I relate to deeply.

I can imagine how tough it must have been to suddenly experience fat-shaming during pregnancy when it hadn’t been a part of your life before. It’s so frustrating how people feel entitled to comment on a pregnant person’s body—as if pregnancy somehow removes basic respect for personal boundaries.

What you shared about childhood neglect struck me, too. The lack of attention from others may have spared you from direct criticism, but being unseen comes with its own painful impact.

I admire how you’ve worked on conflict resolution and are reaching a place where you feel more comfortable handling it. It’s no small thing—engaging with conflict calmly takes a lot of emotional strength.

I wholeheartedly agree that communication is complicated, but conversations like this remind me why it’s so valuable to engage with thoughtful people like you. 💙

Thank you again for sharing your experiences. Wishing you well ❤️

anita

Dear Tommy:

I will reply further tomorrow, but for now, I just wanted to say that as I read your post, just now, I felt genuine affection for you, as in: I (anita) likes Tommy 💛

I hope it doesn’t feel weird for you to read this. I suppose it’s a positive human emotion and I feel it for you this Sat evening.

anita

Dear Tommy:

I feel for you—looking back on past mistakes can be incredibly painful. Please know that I genuinely appreciate your self-awareness and the effort you’re making to grow from past experiences.

Regarding the guilt-trip feeling, I want to clarify that when I pointed out the harshness in some of your past responses to members, it wasn’t meant to hurt you or make you feel bad. My intention was to protect other members and to encourage reflection on how our words impact others, especially those who are struggling. I understand this firsthand, as I’ve also submitted responses in the past that I now regret.

It was about recognizing that certain approaches—particularly ones that feel harsh or judgmental—can intentionally, or unintentionally cause harm.

One thing I want to gently share—sometimes, when we feel stuck in ourselves, unable to move forward, we unknowingly project that frustration onto others. The anger you’ve felt toward people who seem unable to ‘move on’ might actually reflect an inner struggle—an anger toward yourself for feeling similarly trapped.

This could also be why receiving affection felt unfamiliar or uncomfortable. When we struggle with self-acceptance, warmth from others can feel unsettling, even when it’s offered with kindness. This isn’t a criticism, just something to reflect on as you continue your journey.

For decades, I carried a deep sense of shame, guilt, and anger toward myself. I struggled with self-acceptance, often judging myself harshly and, at times, projecting that onto others. My healing has been about learning self-acceptance and forgiveness, both for myself and for others. While I’ve made progress, it’s still a journey, and I continue to grow.

Of course, I’m not saying your experience is the same as mine. We all process things differently, and only you know what truly resonates with you. I just wanted to share what I’ve learned in my own healing journey, in case any part of it is helpful.

I truly appreciate the depth of your reflection and the work you’re doing, Tommy. Growth takes time, and self-reflection isn’t always easy. I simply hope to encourage compassionate dialogue, so that healing—both for yourself and for others—can continue.

Warmly, anita

On Survivors and Survival—

Surviving ongoing childhood trauma—what falls under Complex PTSD (C-PTSD)—is an experience shared by so many of us. Those untouched by it may be the minority, the lucky few. In my real life, I don’t know anyone untouched by it. Every adult I know carries the weight of C-PTSD, and here, in these forums, it’s no different.

Our world is a complex mess of PTSD.

Like a wild fire of PTSD.

I should start a new thread about this..

Anita