why this dilemma... - Tiny Buddha

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This topic has 5 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 10 years, 11 months ago by Mark.

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December 22, 2013 at 9:06 am #47348

Purpose
Participant

hello everyone…
i have been searching this for a while..and want suggesions from people ..so pls feel free to advice…

I am a person who has never been in a romantic relaionship ever.. for me friendship has been priority atfer family… i feel waiting even long for a relationship that lifts u than to settlle for theone which is result of fear of being left lonely or based on comparisons… .im content n happy alone n also with people
im having a profession which is noble…and helps me to serve… i never felt jealous of anyone till date..as i believe we compete with ourselves..and have faith in God and his ways… i like to be alone more…to knw myself..and observe things inside out.. also i like hanging out wid my close friends..though im not very social….
but wid all my interactions with my friends make me feel everytime ..dat i still dont knw them that deep…i still feel lack of something..even wid dose whom im frnz for 8-9 yrs… its not a problem but …still i see them judging me n making fun of mine… not takng my suggestions on faith n life…not very welcoming in general concept of God’s way n healing..faith..grattitude… this makes me little detached also… at the same time bad… being wid dem for so long..still so alone wid dem…
i want to be happy wid dem also…but still finding ways to be….
i wish to make things clear…if i did not…
Thanks for reading..

December 25, 2013 at 7:06 pm #47538

Al
Participant

It is difficult to be constantly surrounded by close minded individuals. Do your best to stay compassionate towards them. If you keep the view that we are all children who are still learning, it will greatly help in dealing with their behaviors. With this said, since we are children and retain their innocent ignorance, there is no value in begrudging those who cause (any and all forms of) harm to us. Simply, it is better to keep a compassionate composure and wish them only to continue on their path to self-growth and improvement.

You as well must continue to do so. Understand that answers reveal themselves when they are meant to and feel some ease in knowing that they always will. Until they do, do not lose focus on the clear goal: to be at peace (‘Peace’ having various translations). Do not let one slight obstacle smear all that you’ve gained. You can still be happy while searching for the answer. So don’t relent on being this already great individual. The answer will come.

Best Regards,
Al

December 26, 2013 at 9:18 am #47582

Purpose
Participant

Hi Al .. Thanks for taking out time and writing this… i appreciate your efforts and promise to follow what u advised me…
but i would like to know..how to keep urself motivated constantly..when people out their just rave abt their ways and reject the concept of faith.. i accpet the difference in thinking..but it sometimes hard to feel n be in that state of dilemma..where people whom u love..doesnt support u n moreover they redicule your concepts… though this doesnt shake my faith..it makes me detached as i mentioned earlier….

December 26, 2013 at 4:35 pm #47614
Al
Participant
Constant motivation should already come from the conviction of your faith, don’t you think? 🙂 And allowing others to cause a disruption in your faith could be seen as your beliefs not being strong enough, no? Therefore do not allow the words of others who have no understanding of your faith affect your peace of mind. You faith is for you and you alone. Those who judge you and your faith have their own journeys to attend to. Nevertheless, I say for you to keep a compassionate heart because no matter what our beliefs are in the end we are all trying to reach the same goal of being at peace with ourselves. In this sense we are ‘attached’; or united. Two people of different faiths may meet and become best of friends and yet reach the same goal. Do your best to see your family (and everyone else for that matter) in this manner and you will find that all of humanity is connected.

Namaste to you. 😉
- This reply was modified 10 years, 11 months ago by Al.
December 27, 2013 at 12:50 am #47643

memm
Participant

“It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.”

― Aristotle

I think people generally turn to ridicule when nothing else seems to carry their point of view across, it’s one thing to accept a difference in thinking but it’s another entirely to have the strength to think deeply about their point of view without shutting yourself off from it entirely. When people feel that you are not taking their ideas seriously they stop trying to talk things out and just make fun of your ideas instead; it’s a kind of revenge.

If you actually say “sure, I’ve considered the things you have said to me, I even agree with some of them, but for now I’d prefer to do things my way” then there isn’t anything more which can be ridiculed, you’ve shown that you have taken on their point of view, it’s just not something you agree with at present moment. It shows the people that want to debate your ideas that they aren’t being ignored, nobody likes to be ignored.

Also in the same way that you don’t like your faith to be attacked, other people don’t like to be preached to; in essence nobody likes their way of life to come under attack because a lot of us have insecurities about who we are and it’s particularly painful to have those poked at.

I also think the stronger your or belief or faith in something, the less you should feel the need to tell other people about it. The biggest conflicts arise when both sides are insecure and can’t stop arguing because of that.

So the only way to stop that is to deal with your own insecurities first, that way there will be nothing for anyone to poke at and by accepting their points of view fully they won’t see you as on some kind of high horse that they feel the need to pull you down from.

I’ve learnt the hard way that one of the biggest things people dislike is somebody that comes off as arrogant, and it’s more difficult to control the more heavy your opinion on something is, which is why the stronger your belief the more you have to remind yourself to take a bite of humble pie every now and then.

December 27, 2013 at 7:46 am #47650

Mark
Participant

Purpose, I believe in surrounding myself with people who I trust, that I feel OK to be vulnerable with, and support me. The other people I keep at arm’s length. Yes those negative people can be my “teachers” in compassion but there is enough challenges in my life where I get that “growth” elsewhere. Here I can consciously choose who is in my life and who lifts me up rather than brings me down.

Metta,
Mark
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