- This topic has 11 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 4 years, 11 months ago by Anonymous.
June 7, 2018 at 8:51 pm #211477
Hello Tiny Buddha,
Thank you for “listening.” I am going through a tough time, and am not sure who to talk to. I am going through a divorce, which is almost final, and my best friend (a pet) passed away recently. So lots of tears, but also lots of friends/family/neighbors being there for me, which has been wonderful. I was feeling really unsettled and sad being alone in the house where these two previously were. One day, I would love my home and feel cozy, and another day, I would feel constricted and sad.
In the past years, I always wanted to work overseas for my work, and I assumed my husband/partner would go with me. Oddly enough, I was recently offered an overseas position for work (2-5 yrs). I put in for these positions a couple times a year for the past few years, knowing they were difficult to get, but always thought it would be an amazing experience. I was obviously sad with the situations going on in my life, so when I got the offer, it “seemed” great, yet scary. I thought I could start over, get away, be adventurous, etc. Now that it’s really happening, I am questioning everything, and if I back out, it will probably be my last chance. Is the timing right? What do I do with my house? Will I be lonely? Is this crazy? Should I sit with the grief longer? Is this a rash decision? Can I do this all by myself? Etc. And also realizing this is a chance of a lifetime opportunity. I am losing sleep, and am nervous to talk to my family about it, being previously when I mentioned applying, my sister asked why I would do such a thing.
Any thoughts/suggestions? I know it is a truly personal question, but could use any input.
Thank you, P xxJune 8, 2018 at 2:31 am #211597AireneParticipant
The loss of your pet and a divorce are in and of themselves difficult to deal with. You are dealing with both at the same time.
Your anxiety around your job situation is understandable, given the changes in your personal life and I can see how this would cause you to question whether your job situation is a good idea.
I will also add, you and only you can make the decision, regardless of what someone else (your sister, for example) says or thinks about it. Because for every person who will say “why would you do such a thing,” there are other people who will say “you are so lucky to have this opportunity!”
“Is the timing right?” – will the timing be any better in a month, or a year, or 10?
“What do I do with my house?” – Rent it out, ask someone to check on it, sell it…there are options, just figure out which one will work best for you.
Will I be lonely? – probably…aren’t we all lonely at some point in our lives? Also, being lonely is no different here or there.
Is this crazy? – what does that matter? If it works for you, it doesn’t matter if it’s crazy or not.
Should I sit with the grief longer? – the grief will go with you. You can sit with it here, or overseas. Personally, I’d rather sit with it overseas.
Is this a rash decision? – See the answer to “is this crazy.”
Can I do this all by myself? – You won’t know until you do it. And if you find out you can’t do it by yourself, then you will have your answer. I think there is a difference between being able to do something and wanting to do it. You may have all the ability in the world, but if your mindset is working against doing any of it, that is more of a problem than having the capability to do it.
Any big change and/or decision will cause some amount of questioning, anxiety, nervousness. Let’s say you do this and it turns out to be horrible and awful. You can always change your route…meaning, you can go back to your house (if you keep it), you can find another job.
When all is said and done, you may say “I wish I never would have done this!” But you will have learned things about yourself, and you will have grown as a person. I don’t think that’s a bad thing at all.
AireneJune 8, 2018 at 7:30 am #211645ShuyingParticipant
Sounds like this is a great opportunity and that you really want to go for it! It is just that perhaps there is some fear about the unknown still lingering. I recently left my investment banking job to pursue my passion in coaching and public service. It was the most rewarding decision I ever made! After working for two years in New York, I moved alone to Cambodia to volunteer for six months, without knowing anyone in the country. Turned out to be one of the most amazing experiences of my life. Yes it was scary and yes I felt lost and lonely at times.
Am hearing that there are many many emotions you’re going through right now, and perhaps simply having some time to sort these feelings out or even just express them would help greatly in moving you towards greater clarity and understanding!
Do let me know how it goes!
If you want, you can check out this eBook I wrote recently. It offers five things to consider before leaving your job (things I wish I had considered before I left mine!).
Cheers and I hope to hear more about your decision =)
SYJune 8, 2018 at 12:17 pm #211685
@Airene, hello and thank you for your wonderful response. I have read it a ton of times, and it all makes sense. I think the “unknowns” are the hardest for me in this situation. But really, nothing is guaranteed. Trying to make sense of the anxiety is always something I struggle with, and you are right, with a big change it would bring that regardless of whether it is “right” or “wrong.” I also agree in that I would learn and grow as a person. I may regret not doing it. I do wish I had somewhere there with me, but my situation isn’t that right now (and that’s okay). Thank you for time and great input 🙂 Hugs, PJune 8, 2018 at 12:27 pm #211687
@Shuying, good day! Thank you for sharing your situation and information with me. I am happy to hear that your decision turned out to be so rewarding. I am sure they were lucky to have you in Cambodia. What an amazing opportunity. And the fact that you did it all on your own and by yourself. That is honorable and rewarding. I read through your e-book (thank you) and a lot of what you discussed resonated with me. “There is no right or wrong. Stop your overthinking…” really stuck with me, as did the other portions. Thank you for responding. I wish you the best and keep at it! Hugs, P xxJune 9, 2018 at 6:58 am #211777AnonymousGuest
A once in a lifetime opportunity, you wrote.
I was wondering why or what was behind your sister’s comment (“my sister asked why I would do such a thing”), if you asked her what she meant, if she told you and what was your response…?
anitaJune 9, 2018 at 7:36 am #211783
@anita, nice to hear from you, Anita. I always appreciate your response (and for others). I did ask my sister to clarify, and she thought I was running away. And ultimately, she said she would miss me. We talk almost every day, and of course, I hope that wouldn’t change. It would be different, though. I thought about her “running away” comment, and I think I have done the best I could with the situations I have been in. I worked hard on my marriage with counseling, conversations, etc. I feel that I made the right decision with ending it, and am not necessarily running from it. But, I do feel that I am ready for another chapter. Is that running away? Or is that moving on? Perhaps the timing on this work opportunity isn’t “perfect,” but it’s also something I have only so much control over. I can also say no. It seems easier, but I don’t know if that is right either.June 9, 2018 at 7:40 am #211785AnonymousGuest
Your sister’s running-away comment, what did she base it on, do you think? Did she observe a running away pattern in your behavior (your adherence to marriage counseling for one was not a running away but the opposite)- or was her comment her effort to keep you close to her regardless of what is right for you to do?
anitaJune 9, 2018 at 7:51 am #211789
I think she would be sad if I was to go, so I feel that is a big reason for her objection. I had also mentioned that they would pay for housing, and she said “it’s not about the money,” which is silly to me, because I don’t do things for the money. Both of us know that. I almost felt that she was grasping at things, if that makes sense. I felt bad when I got off the phone with her, being it was difficult to distinguish if it was coming from a place of love and well being or something else. And I suppose a person could think I would be running away, because the timing is such that I am dealing with some big losses right now. I do realize that, as well. But I also recognize the fact that I was offered this now, not last year or the year before that. Thank you for asking good questions to make me think =)June 9, 2018 at 8:00 am #211795AnonymousGuest
You are welcome and thank you for your kind words. You are so very gracious, with me and with other members, consistently through your threads.
At first, I thought maybe you should stay where you are and not leave for this opportunity because you wrote, in your original post that you have “lots of friends/family/neighbors being there for me, which has been wonderful”, and later you wrote that you are afraid to be lonely overseas.
At least in regard to your sister, doesn’t read to me that she is there for you. I don’t know about the others, how much of a social support you do have where you are.
The overseas lifetime opportunity reads to me like a good idea for you, exciting. Something to run toward. When we do run, it can be toward something, that is a good kind of running.
anitaJune 9, 2018 at 8:18 am #211803
Thank you for sharing your perspective. I agree with what you said. And your viewpoint made me smile…that is the good kind of running. I appreciate that stance 🙂
“Talking” through it and letting it sit, the more I am excited for this change.
Thank you as always! Sending you warm, loving energy today, Anita! You are so good.
xoJune 9, 2018 at 8:22 am #211805AnonymousGuest
You are welcome and thank you. Hope to read more from you, anytime, curious as to your choice on the matter.