Hi Hemingway,

The right therapist is worth his/her weight in gold. Unfortunately, there are many bad ones. What I would do is:

1. Ask your friends/family if they know of anyone. You might be surprised that the person you would swear would never see a therapist does/did indeed go to one! The same name mentioned by different sources and/or the one most enthusiastically talked about is your guy.

2. Limit it to ten sessions. This is so if you hate it you will keep showing up through the discomfort to perhaps get to a breakthrough. And if you love it you can then reevaluate. Because some people get “stuck” . If you’re seeing the same guy for ten years, how much is it really helping? That’s just my opinion, take it with a grain of salt.

Good Luck,

Inky

Greetings Hemmingway…

What a thought provoking post indeed, and very much appreciated. Your question of, “My point is, I became a better man. How do I stay this way?” makes me think of how I try to be a better man which I would like to share. When I told my best friend, Troy, that, before my daughter was born, I told him that I am going to be a good father to her. He threw me a curve ball by asking me, “How do you know?” You have never been a father before. I thought for a millisecond and said, “I’m just going to do the opposite my step-father did. If that requires me to revisit painful memories to make decisions that are correct, then I’ll gladly go there.” Hemmingway to me that’s sad commentary for someone to make, it paints a toxic picture against a backdrop of uncertainty. But those experiences serve me very well. And to this day I am forever grateful for what that abusive man gave me-what he gave me, was knowledge to not be like him.

I try my very best to maintain being a better man-not better than anyone else, but better than I used to be, which often times,  is recent as yesterday. I think back to perhaps, 1 hour ago, 2 weeks ago, or even 31 years ago, or whatever time frame, looking in the review mirror of my life and how I behaved, how I acted, what my thoughts were. I keep thinking that where and how I “grew” in terms of me needing to learn how to be a better person, somewhere in those thoughts my negative perceptions, emotions, thoughts, etc kept raising their ugly head. It is then that I reflect on what I said about being a father, I’ll just do the opposite when I have the slightest hint, that thoughts, emotions, behaviors being negative in personality are trying to dominate. I totally accept responsibility for the seemingly babbling, confusion that I just wrote.

One thing that I have incorporated in my personal constitution is something to give me good direction. I came up with a belief that I live by everyday…The ONLY resign I wake up every morning is because I have been given another chance to do things right and to do the right things. At the end of the day, I guarantee that when I look at my “how-did-I-do-report card” it is not a 4.0 GPA with honors. But that philosophy has served me well as a starting point.

Just be ever so present, mindful, Hemmingway, with your thoughts, feelings etc and continue to nurture what you already are-a better man. Therapy? You are so far ahead of that it’s CRAZEEEEE! You already have 3 therapist’s, your heart, your soul, your conscience.

Pearce Hawk

Hemmingway,

Going through a break up or any life changing event can be challenging and will take some time to bounce back from. Although I’ve never gone to therapy for a break up, I have just recently finished therapy over the subject of the death of my mother. I cannot tell you how beneficial it was.

I too tried self help techniques: podcasts, reading, writing, working out, anything that seemed to get my endorphins pumping so my mood would benefit. It’s true, all of these things did help, but there were things still hidden deep down-feelings and thoughts- that I just needed to get out into the open and share. Therapy allowed to heal, grow, and finally care for myself and well-being.

I recently just graduated from Penn State with my Bachelors of Science in Psychology and I truly believe everyone would go to therapy at least once in their life time. Why do I say this? Because we’re all human. We all make mistakes and research shows, our brains are “wried” to focus on the negative aspect of things more so than the positive. Therapy can help break down some of the “road blocks” I like to call them, in order for you to create new ways of thinking. This helps you see the good in every situation. This is what therapy helped me do.

Here’s what I suggest if you’re still interested:

Go to Psychologytoday.com – they allow you to look up local psychologists in your area that are covered under you healthcare (if you have any).

Next I would read some reviews on the psychologist. Learn a little about them- where they went to school and such.

Then, I would just make the appointment! Whats the worst that happens? You figure out it wasn’t for you? Hey, at least you gave it a try. You don’t have anything to lose expect your anxiety, fears, and everything else you’ve been burying inside!

-Cara. MindfulMentality

Hi Hemingway,

If I am understanding you correctly, it sounds like you are not so much looking for someone to help you solve problems as you are looking for someone to encourage and inspire your growth.  I have had much experience with various forms of therapy and have found traditional psychotherapy to be expensive and time-consuming without resulting in real, significant change, although there have been times in my life when I found it comforting.

If you have a specific problem or problems you need help solving, like Eliana above, I highly recommend Social Workers (LSW).  They are busy people with no time to waste so tend to cut right to the chase: You bring a problem and the two of you brainstorm a solution.  More than once, I have received significant help from this direction and once, the problem was solved in a single session!

On the other hand, if you are looking for someone to assist you in spiritual growth, Spiritual Counselling is the way to go.  A gifted Spiritual Counsellor can help you connect more deeply to the wisdom of your own soul and help you deepen your spiritual practice.  If this person also has intuitive abilities, as some do,  they can sometimes deliver wisdom from “higher” sources.  This is the work I do myself and you can visit my website through my profile on this site, if you have interest.

Whatever you decide to do, it sounds like you are on a strong path – power to you!

Tiela