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Your thoughts on therapy

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Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total)
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  • #152446
    Hemingway
    Participant

    This is my first topic on TinyBuddha, so I apologize if I’m posting in the wrong section.

    My girlfriend left me a year ago. At the time I never believed it was possible to recover from something so devastating (the memory of being stuck in bed almost seems like a distant nightmare to joke about). But like all great problems, the “breakup” helped.

    Fast forward to today: I’m in a stage where everything seems to flow. The people I meet are calmer, situations seem milder—life overall feels manageable. Of course, I attribute this to the countless Podcasts listened to, books and forums read, videos watched, weights lifted, miles ran, women met, places visited, and unforgettable nights experienced.

    My point is, I became a better man. How do I stay this way?

    I never talk about my struggles because of the incredible resources available, but I recently question if discussing certain things with a therapist might be worthwhile. And if so, how do you go about finding the right one, one that genuinely cares about your issues?

    I want to add that I know a bit about scientific and spiritual explanations for happiness, depression, etc. (think Sam Harris and Sadhguru), and this is precisely why I haven’t found a reason to speak with one.

    I tend to ramble, but I want to hear your thoughts.

    Thank you for reading,

    – Hemingway

    #152508
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Hemingway,

    The right therapist is worth his/her weight in gold. Unfortunately, there are many bad ones. What I would do is:

    1. Ask your friends/family if they know of anyone. You might be surprised that the person you would swear would never see a therapist does/did indeed go to one! The same name mentioned by different sources and/or the one most enthusiastically talked about is your guy.

    2. Limit it to ten sessions. This is so if you hate it you will keep showing up through the discomfort to perhaps get to a breakthrough. And if you love it you can then reevaluate. Because some people get “stuck” . If you’re seeing the same guy for ten years, how much is it really helping? That’s just my opinion, take it with a grain of salt.

    Good Luck,

    Inky

    #152510
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Hemingway:

    My thoughts about psychotherapy, in the context of your post, is that a person needs a (competent, professional, objective-oriented, effective) psychotherapy if a person has an ongoing significant problem and distress that the person cannot solve by themselves and with existing resources. You, on the other hand, expressed no such problem and no such distress. You wrote: “I’m in a stage where everything seems to flow… life overall feels manageable… I became a better man.”

    You followed by listing the resources you use to take care of your mental well being:  Podcasts, books, forums, videos, lifting weights, running miles, meeting women, visiting places.

    You stated and followed with a question: “My point is, I became a better man. How do I stay this way?”- keep doing what you’ve been doing, keep using the resources that have worked for you in the past. Be flexible and adjust your practices to the changing challenges of your life.

    I don’t think it is a good idea to seek psychotherapy for the purpose of continuing to be well… if it ain’t broken, don’t fix it.

    anita

    #152654
    PearceHawk
    Participant

    Greetings Hemmingway…

    What a thought provoking post indeed, and very much appreciated. Your question of, “My point is, I became a better man. How do I stay this way?” makes me think of how I try to be a better man which I would like to share. When I told my best friend, Troy, that, before my daughter was born, I told him that I am going to be a good father to her. He threw me a curve ball by asking me, “How do you know?” You have never been a father before. I thought for a millisecond and said, “I’m just going to do the opposite my step-father did. If that requires me to revisit painful memories to make decisions that are correct, then I’ll gladly go there.” Hemmingway to me that’s sad commentary for someone to make, it paints a toxic picture against a backdrop of uncertainty. But those experiences serve me very well. And to this day I am forever grateful for what that abusive man gave me-what he gave me, was knowledge to not be like him.

    I try my very best to maintain being a better man-not better than anyone else, but better than I used to be, which often times,  is recent as yesterday. I think back to perhaps, 1 hour ago, 2 weeks ago, or even 31 years ago, or whatever time frame, looking in the review mirror of my life and how I behaved, how I acted, what my thoughts were. I keep thinking that where and how I “grew” in terms of me needing to learn how to be a better person, somewhere in those thoughts my negative perceptions, emotions, thoughts, etc kept raising their ugly head. It is then that I reflect on what I said about being a father, I’ll just do the opposite when I have the slightest hint, that thoughts, emotions, behaviors being negative in personality are trying to dominate. I totally accept responsibility for the seemingly babbling, confusion that I just wrote.

    One thing that I have incorporated in my personal constitution is something to give me good direction. I came up with a belief that I live by everyday…The ONLY resign I wake up every morning is because I have been given another chance to do things right and to do the right things. At the end of the day, I guarantee that when I look at my “how-did-I-do-report card” it is not a 4.0 GPA with honors. But that philosophy has served me well as a starting point.

    Just be ever so present, mindful, Hemmingway, with your thoughts, feelings etc and continue to nurture what you already are-a better man. Therapy? You are so far ahead of that it’s CRAZEEEEE! You already have 3 therapist’s, your heart, your soul, your conscience.

    Pearce Hawk

    #153802
    Shani
    Participant

    Dear Hemingway,

    I started going to a therapist while I was in a really deep depression and at the time it really helped. But right now (3 years later), I’m doing a lot better but I’m still seeing the same therapist because it never felt like my life was the way I wanted it to be so I just never found the right moment to break it off. And I’m sorry for telling this irrelevant story to you but I’m actually trying to say that you shouldn’t go to a therapist if you can manage. Of course it is very important to talk about how you feel and what you’ve been through but your friends and family can be very helpful for that too. They’ll be glad to listen to your story and it will only bring you closer to them. In my case, having a therapist for 3 years, has actually caused me to talk less about my personal problems with friends. I think it’s amazing how the breakup has made you a better man, you just got to believe in yourself that you will stay this way!

     

    #157396
    Cara
    Participant

    Hemmingway,

    Going through a break up or any life changing event can be challenging and will take some time to bounce back from. Although I’ve never gone to therapy for a break up, I have just recently finished therapy over the subject of the death of my mother. I cannot tell you how beneficial it was.

    I too tried self help techniques: podcasts, reading, writing, working out, anything that seemed to get my endorphins pumping so my mood would benefit. It’s true, all of these things did help, but there were things still hidden deep down-feelings and thoughts- that I just needed to get out into the open and share. Therapy allowed to heal, grow, and finally care for myself and well-being.

    I recently just graduated from Penn State with my Bachelors of Science in Psychology and I truly believe everyone would go to therapy at least once in their life time. Why do I say this? Because we’re all human. We all make mistakes and research shows, our brains are “wried” to focus on the negative aspect of things more so than the positive. Therapy can help break down some of the “road blocks” I like to call them, in order for you to create new ways of thinking. This helps you see the good in every situation. This is what therapy helped me do.

    Here’s what I suggest if you’re still interested:

    Go to Psychologytoday.com – they allow you to look up local psychologists in your area that are covered under you healthcare (if you have any).

    Next I would read some reviews on the psychologist. Learn a little about them- where they went to school and such.

    Then, I would just make the appointment! Whats the worst that happens? You figure out it wasn’t for you? Hey, at least you gave it a try. You don’t have anything to lose expect your anxiety, fears, and everything else you’ve been burying inside!

    -Cara. MindfulMentality

    #157442
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Hemingway,

    I think it’s all about “trial and error” until you find the right one. It took me a long time to find the right one, but I have several different mental health diagnosis, so I had to focus on one that had expertise on DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) and CBT (Cognitive Behavior Therapy). Many people prefer to see Psychologists that “only” have a doctorate, but sometimes having a Doctorate degree does not mean they will be the best fit for you. They are also very expensive.

    I have found the LSW (Licensed Social Workers) or (LISW) Licensed Independent Social Workers are very good because they are well trained on a variety of mental health issues or just “talk therapy” and not so expensive and it is easier to get in to see one.

    If you are looking at perhaps changing “negative thinking, then CBT, (Cognitive Behavior Therapy) may be good for you, and social workers are very good at that. Psychiatrists these days only write out prescriptions and rarely do talk therapy anymore, rather more of an assembly line where with managed care can only spend 15 minutes with a patient.

    I would ask other people if you know of any, if they can refer you, or you can look under reviews from people about a social worker or Psychologist on the internet. Some will even offer “free” consultations. Make sure they have several years of experience. The best thing is that you feel at ease and are compatible with them.

    #157646
    Tiela Garnett
    Participant

    Hi Hemingway,

    If I am understanding you correctly, it sounds like you are not so much looking for someone to help you solve problems as you are looking for someone to encourage and inspire your growth.  I have had much experience with various forms of therapy and have found traditional psychotherapy to be expensive and time-consuming without resulting in real, significant change, although there have been times in my life when I found it comforting.

    If you have a specific problem or problems you need help solving, like Eliana above, I highly recommend Social Workers (LSW).  They are busy people with no time to waste so tend to cut right to the chase: You bring a problem and the two of you brainstorm a solution.  More than once, I have received significant help from this direction and once, the problem was solved in a single session!

    On the other hand, if you are looking for someone to assist you in spiritual growth, Spiritual Counselling is the way to go.  A gifted Spiritual Counsellor can help you connect more deeply to the wisdom of your own soul and help you deepen your spiritual practice.  If this person also has intuitive abilities, as some do,  they can sometimes deliver wisdom from “higher” sources.  This is the work I do myself and you can visit my website through my profile on this site, if you have interest.

    Whatever you decide to do, it sounds like you are on a strong path – power to you!

    Tiela

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