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25 Ways to Be Good for Someone Else

No Act of Kindness

“Don’t wait for people to be friendly. Show them how.” ~Unknown

When I was a teenager, right around the time I knew everything, my mother used to tell me I only remembered the bad things.

When I told stories about my family, they didn’t revolve around family beach trips, barbecues, and vacations; they focused on painful memories and all the ways I felt my mother had “ruined my life.”

The same applied to friends and milestones in my life. I chronically remembered and rehashed the worst experiences.

In fact, straight through college I followed up every introductory handshake with a dramatic retelling of my life story, focusing on a laundry list of grievances about people who had done me wrong.

It was as if I was competing for most royally screwed over in life, like there was some kind of prize for being the most tragic and victimized. (Full disclosure: I hoped that prize was compassion and unconditional love. It was more like discomfort and avoidance).

Not everyone is as negative or needy as woe-is-me-younger Lori was, but I’ve noticed that many of us have something in common with my misguided past self: We focus on how we’ve been hurt far more than how we’ve been helped.

Psychologists suggest that to some degree we complain because we’re looking to connect with people who can relate to the universal struggles we all face (though in some cases, complaining is a constructive way to find solutions to problems as opposed to a chronic need to vent negativity). I think there’s more to it, though.

When we complain about everything that’s gone wrong or everyone who has done us wrong, we’re drowning in our self-involvement.

It’s an epidemic in an individualistic culture where self-reliance, autonomy, and the pursuit of personal gain can leave us feeling isolated and pressured to succeed. This may not be true for everyone, but I know when I get caught up complaining, nine out of ten times what I need to do is stop obsessing about the circumstances of my life.

It’s taken me a long time, but I’ve learned we don’t need to live life in a constant state of reaction to things that seem difficult or unfair. We don’t have to be the victims of bad coming at us. Our lives don’t have to be the sum of our problems—not if we take responsibility for putting good into the world.

That starts by fostering a greater appreciation for our interdependence. We are not alone. The world is not against us, and we don’t have to be against each other. We don’t have to let our fears, insecurities, and wants boil over inside us until we’re all a bunch of incompatible toxic chemicals waiting to explode the second we collide.

You can always find a negative story to tell—some situation when another person was insensitive, selfish, uncaring, unfair, or just plain wrong. You can also find an underlying struggle that doesn’t justify but might explain their behavior.

If you absolutely can’t channel that compassion and patience, you can always find at least one good thing someone did in your day.

When that stranger held the elevator open, when your coworker let you take the lead in your meeting, when your mother called just to say she loves you; they’re all reminders people are looking out for you—maybe not all of them, and maybe not all the time, but probably more than you notice.

An even better way to honor our interconnection: be someone else’s positive story. Be the kindness that reminds someone else the world is not against them. Give them an anchor of positivity to find later if their circumstances seem overwhelming.

If you’ve ever ended a stressful day with a long hug—the type that’s so needed and loving it’s near impossible not to relax and receive—you know the power of a simple gesture.

Need some ideas for simple kindnesses? I recommend checking out the Tiny Buddha Facebook page, where I recently asked friends, “What’s the kindest thing you can do for someone else?”

Some of my favorite suggestions (out of 158) include:

1. Try to accept people with an open mind and refrain from making judgments, which are often wrong anyway. (Brandon Hartford)

2. Let them know how much you appreciate them. (Florence Leedy)

3. Any deed done for someone else is a kind one when you don’t expect something in return. (Courtney Olsen)

4. Do little things like hold doors open or let folk go in or out first. Little things can make a big difference for someone who’s not having a great day. (Elke Wallace)

5. Accept them for who they are and who they strive to be. (Dylan Clauson)

6. Let them know they’ve made you smile. (Monika Sylvestre)

7. Be with them when they need you. For the rest of the time, let them be free. (Rohin Khanna)

8. Tell them the truth. (Krista Hale)

9. Tell them why they make a difference in your life that no one else could possibly make—why their particular brand of “special” makes the world a better place for everyone they meet in it. (Jennifer Hudson Green)

10. Help them help themselves and be independent. (Frantz Art Glass)

11. Believe in them and give them hope. (Melessia Todd)

12. Give a simple well meaning smile. (Jennie McCluskey)

13. The kindest thing you can do for someone else is to take good care of your own mind, body and soul. This enables kindness in all things. (Shyloh Robinson)

14. Spend time listening with the intent of learning. I joined an art guild that is mostly made up of elderly artists who have the most amazing life stories and the best tips and trick for creating artwork. I feel like I get so much more in return for doing nothing more than enjoying their company! (Suzi Ra)

15. The best thing my parents ever taught me—the Golden Rule: do unto others as you would have them do unto you! (Tracy Bruce Laughlin)

16. Be there for them when they fall and not say I told you so. (Ana Stuckart)

17. Give them the space to be. (Natassia Callista Alicia)

18. Lend your shoulder to cry on. (Bryan Tankersley)

19. Thank them for being themselves. (Jen Ghrist)

20. Take a moment to send someone a note thanking them for something they have done for you in the past. For example, a good teacher or a good manager, or someone who was a mentor or role model. (Dave Hughes)

21. Treat each person with respect for his or her individuality. (Shirley Wright)

22. Offer encouragement after a failure. Acceptance of even the weirdest things they possess. A tap for a job well done. A “thank you” to every simple yet life-changing encounter. (Ako Ang Uso)

23. Forgive. (Ivan Kl)

24. Pay attention to them. From the clerk at the store to your kids at home, most people just want to be heard and acknowledged. Understanding comes later, but everyone can pay attention now. (Angela Birt)

25. Listen to someone without trying to fix their problem. (Jane Lynahan Karklin)

What do you think? What’s the kindest thing you can do for someone else?

Photo by infomatique

Avatar of Lori Deschene

About Lori Deschene

Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha. She is the author of the Tiny Wisdom eBook series (which includes one free eBook) and Tiny Buddha's Guide to Loving Yourself. She's also the co-founder of the eCourse Recreate Your Life Story: Change the Script and Be the HeroFollow @tinybuddha for inspiring posts and wisdom quotes.

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  • http://uzma7.wordpress.com/ Uzma

    Beautiful. We are all interconnected, so it helps to give. The same message I found many times recently. Don't focus so much on your own story and issues. See the light :-) Thank u for this great post and so much meaning

  • http://twitter.com/sarahneanbruce sarah nean bruce

    yet another great article/post from tiny buddha. it reminds me of what my parents taught me; and it reminds me of a fave quote: “You must be the change you want to see in the world.” Mahatma Gandhi ~sb
    PS-the author's favorite “kindest thing you can do for someone else” Suggestion #15 is my sister Tracy the Bruce!

  • http://twitter.com/sarahneanbruce sarah nean bruce

    yet another great article/post from tiny buddha. it reminds me of what my parents taught me; and it reminds me of a fave quote: “You must be the change you want to see in the world.” Mahatma Gandhi ~sb
    PS-the author's favorite “kindest thing you can do for someone else” Suggestion #15 is my sister Tracy the Bruce!

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    I'm glad you liked it! This one was very personal to me. Your Gandhi quote is one of my favorites. I couldn't agree more =)

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    Thank you for reading! I'm glad it resonated with you, and I appreciate that you took the time to comment.

  • Michael

    Hmm, it's not very often that a blog here really resonates with me (which is a reflection on me, of course). This one did. Without going into details, as per the subject, I've been in a grind and thought I was OK with it but really it shows sometimes. I try and help people either way but still, I wonder. And I do an awful lot of the stuff on that list already, a thing which surprises me if I'm honest. These lists always do. Some things I need to try!

    Thank you Lori :) (Funky hat btw! ;D)

  • Monika

    Love it, except this quote is not Tracy Bruce Laughlin's it is written in the Bible and Jesus Christ said it “15. The best thing my parents ever taught me—the Golden Rule: do unto others as you would have them do unto you!”

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  • LanceM

    Wow! This is an amazing article that covers so much. This is a keeper that will go into my personal reminder file… ;) Thanks Lori and all the people who contributed.

  • l101r0

    You're most welcome!

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    You are most welcome!

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  • http://www.wellnesswithkate.com/ Kate

    Lori, I am so glad that I found Tiny Buddha. I am enjoying it muchly…reading the post I am reminded of the shamanic approach which is to practise non-attachment. Thus we are not hooked into the stories and can choose to respond rather than react and we can observe ourselves more clearly without the triggers of old history. And I LOVE the idea of being the something good that day for someone else. oh yesss!

  • Tay Bromance

    This has to be the most inspirational peace of writing I've read. Right now I'm going through my moments of “the world is against me”. The reminder to stay positive and reassurance that things will get better is exactly what I needed to read.. Thank You.

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    Hello Tay,

    I have my moments, too! I think it's human nature to go down that road from time to time. If we can all be here to pull each other out of it, though, maybe we can make those moments fewer. =)

    Lori

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    Hi Kate!

    I'm so glad you enjoy Tiny Buddha! Thanks for sharing the Shamanic approach of non-attachment. Such a great piece of advice. Everything good starts with letting go of something that stands in the way.

    Have a wonderful day!
    Lori

  • Kate

    What a wonderful post. Let’s all work together to employ these methods of positive interaction! After all, we are all in this together! ;) thanks again, Lori!

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  • Rob Kimmings

    Robk. A wonerful positive message. We often have many dissapointments in our lives but being there for others turns that all into positive energy. Having been through a very tough period of late I find this a very rewarding message. many thanks.

  • Dana

    Thank you Lori. This post was one that I needed at this exact moment. Instead of listening to a friend’s problem and being there for them, I made it my own in an act of pain. To “out pain” them. And I am struggling with doing that quite often.

    A great reminder that we are all greater than the sum of our hurts.

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    You are most welcome Rob =)

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    Hi Dana,

    I have been there many times before. It’s all too easy to get caught up in our circumstances. I’m glad you found this post helpful!

    Lori

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  • http://life-dots.blogspot.com/ Maria Barker

    If you don’t mind me asking, what led to your turnaround? Love to know. My mom is like this but even worse, she is a raging vortex of negativity (I know, I never heard vortexes could rage either) Not only is she totally focused on how badly life is treating HER, but when she wants to hear what is happening with ME, it is only the bad stuff she wants to hear about. Anything good and happy and satisfying about my life she just does not know what to do with. All her healthy friends have moved on, leaving only the unhealthy ones. When she comes to visit any of her children or grandchildren, we lay on the couch after she leaves with all our energy positively sucked out of us by the negativity. The things you list to help ourselves are fantastic, but they will only help those of us who want this already. How did you come to want to change in the first place? I want to help my mom…

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    Hi Maria,

    I don’t mind at all! For me it was a long, slow process. First, I realized that I had very few real friends because of the way I was. No one was able to see the good in me because I wasn’t putting it out there. Then I realized there was a lot of hurt underneath my attitude. I was looking for, “Poor Lori” all the time because it seemed like love and validation.

    Then after coming to those conclusions, I spent years learning to make changes in my behavior. The victim role was instinctive for a long time, even when I wanted to change it. Without even realizing it, I’d fall into a “woe is me” story or start competing with another person’s tragedies–like I’d had it worse then them.

    I think it gets harder to make this kind of change as people get older, first because it’s such a learned behavior, reinforced by time; and secondly, because it can feel shameful to acknowledge this.

    My best advice is to remember there’s something underlying her need to dwell on the bad. There’s likely some deeper hurt that instigated this way of being in her. If you can get her talking honestly about her own experiences that might help. Another idea is to get her talking about her good memories. If she’s feeling positive she’ll be better equipped to feel happy for you. So ask her about her favorite memory as a child, or her most romantic night with your father.

    I know someone who is very similar, and I’ve tried to help her work through the underlying issues to no avail. It’s hard for me to not play amateur psychiatrist sometimes! I get so certain that I can help. It always makes a difference, though, when I get her remembering things she enjoyed. It might not change her attitude, but it changes her feelings in that moment. I think that’s a good start.

    I hope this helps!
    Lori

  • http://life-dots.blogspot.com/ Maria Barker

    Thanks, Lori,
    I will try this. I believe you must be right about it being reinforced over a lifetime. She called me yesterday and told me her feelings had been hurt when my brother laughed at something she said. She said she was too hurt to ask what that laugh meant. I said, “You are hurt and you don’t know why he was laughing?” Long pause. I said, “Mom, bad feelings take a lot of energy, you should save them for when they are needed. I don’t think you have to feel hurt if you don’t know something was meant to be hurtful.” It must be a very deep rooted habit by now. Anyway, thanks a lot for this.

  • http://big-zen.blogspot.com/ Big Zen

    A great post. I particularly like number 24, ‘pay attention to people’. So simple but so true, it’s easy to spend our time so wrapped up in our own world we hardly even notice other people.

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    I know that one all too well. It’s a pleasure to meet you, by the way. Nice blog =)

  • http://cleanplanet.in/blog Savitha

    Wonderful post Lori ! Appreciate the honesty and the beautiful way you have articulated your perspective.

  • Suaevelyn

    Hi…. Glad to know You …. Amitohfoh ….

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  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_NSHLM7CCZXX6DMQ6R37IBEJRHE Omitola

    thank you for compiling this list.

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  • Terriagogo

    I’m gonna try and be nice today no matter what comes my way.

  • Rahul G

    Thank you for posting this. Exactly what I needed.

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    You are most welcome. =)

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=535882019 Liz Russo

    Today a tolltaker said I was the most happy person payin ga toll he has ever seen! :) I was happy to bring about a smile to someones face today just by being myself and having a positive attitude. A smile goes a long way to embrace that interconnectivity.

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    It so does! I love when someone smiles at me on the street. It’s such a little thing, but it always lifts my spirits.

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  • Momo yasinzai

    hello….. being nice to people n dont expecting anything in return is quite impossible coz wenevr u do good to som1 in return u expect the same thing………

  • http://the100percentyou.com/ John Sherry

    I always remember a few year’s ago saying thanks for the great service to a store assistant who got tearful replying, “No-one has ever said that to me before. All most people do is complain or shout”. The tiniest gestures often have the hugest impacts. It’s down to what the late Jim Rohn said, ‘Put others up, not down’.

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  • Beth

    I love this article. However, I am struggling with the self-reliance/independence concept. There is a discussion in your article about the interdependence of folks and accepting it. However, it is later quoted “Help them help themselves and be independent. (Frantz Art Glass)”. So I’m confused — do you think its better to be independent/interdependent — or what do you mean? I’m really struggling with this in my daily life and would appreciate your opinion!

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    Hi Beth,

    I’m glad you enjoyed this post. =) I think it’s all about balance. We are individuals, and we need to take responsibility for ourselves and our lives–but at the same time, we are part of something larger than ourselves, and we never need to feel alone in the world. The Dalai Lama wrote that we need a balance between individualism and collectivism–and that makes sense to me. It’s not either or–it’s both. It’s learning to empower ourselves and also allowing ourselves to belong.

    Does this help?

    Lori

  • Marylynn

    Think there’s a typo in paragraph 5!!

    Great quotes!!!

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    I actually don’t see the typo. Can you let me know where it is? Thanks so much!

  • LadyTamborine

    Lori,
    I LOVED your response to Beth. In fact I wanted to hit the ”like” button 1,000 times!
    BALANCE BALANCE BALANCE.

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    Thank you!

  • Jeevan

    This is just beautiful, Lori…:-), I often forget that you have struggled a lot in your own life to finally be where u are rite now & in the process try & help others like me through your ‘Tiny Buddha,’ site..There are still many days where I feel I may not pull through & then reading something like this makes all the difference in the world for me..:-), Thank U so much…!

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    You’re most welcome Jeevan! I have my challenging days too. I think we all do. It always helps me to remember I am not alone. We’re all only human, and we’re all doing the best we can.

    Much love,
    Lori

  • http://www.BigIslandDog.com/ Jt Clough | Big Island Dog

    I just had a situation with my life partner who sometimes can hold things in and then put up a big stone wall. Start with accusations that are quite frankly unfair.  I’ve been working on not reacting to anything really.  Staying unattached to what other say as far as taking it on as something I need to fix or deny or get angry about and instead view all the great things in my life.

    As I sat down to write in my journal this post was open from earlier today.  It helped even more.  Sometimes it truly is about the person saying it, and with my non reaction I realized it, and I saved saying things that did not need to be said and went to building more of the good stuff I have within myself.  It didn’t take long and he came around, back tracking on what he had said because of my view, my reaction, and the energy I chose to put out instead of defense or anger.  Amazing stuff really.

    Huge mahalos!

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    I’m glad this helped! I actually had a similar situation with someone I love recently. It involved a lot of accusations and cruel words from her to me, but it deescalated fairly quickly because I didn’t follow suit. I felt proud of that, because that’s not always how I would have responded!

  • Janinekaczynski

    They say happiness is an inside job. I find happiness when I am alone or with my dog. I find it alone at the gym, alone at home and alone at Christmas. Sometimes getting an oil change is pleasant because the people are pleasant. Banking can be pleasant too. Marketing and buying vegetables is usually quite lovely. Visiting a friend may turn out to be nice too, since they have a parallel experience to what I am seeing in this veiled illusion. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002144641493 Brooke Simpsonx

     i want to be good but i dont know how ive been sent up to my rom 8 tmes today i want to fell beter plz help xxx

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    Hi Brooke,

    Is there something that’s been bothering you? Can I help you with anything? I am going to be traveling today, but if you want to email me, I can write back tomorrow. My email address is email(AT)tinybuddha(DOT)com and my name is Lori.

    Lori

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  • urooj shahid

    You’re an amazing writer! Whenever i read your blog it always gives me the feeling its written for me! Working towards positivity with your help! :)

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    Thank you so much! I’m so glad my writing helps you. =)

  • Roseann Malabanan

    thank you for posting these inspirational sayings and also advices.. It help me a Lot.. :)

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    You’re most welcome. =)

  • Danishdonjuan

    Great list. I especially like point 8-Tell them the truth, and 13-Take care of your own mind, body and soul. These two points are often neglected or devalued but I think they are of outmost importance as being good to others and being good to yourself goes together, for good is good for everyone. Telling the truth is one of the greatest compliments a person can give you, for it implies trust, belief in them, care for their freedom to choose and a belief in good which makes truth a positive thing. Truth is key to freedom and freedom is the ability to choose, and choosing is what life is all about. There is nothing greater than truth and love, these two values last forever, cost nothing and become more valueable the more they are shared. Thanks for the suggestions :)

  • http://www.thelastbrokenhome.com/ Adam Alvarado

    It’s weird, but I think the best way to be good for someone else is to just be your BEST self. The better you are specifically, the better you’ll be to all people generally.

  • Namidara james

    This is really inspiring

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    I’m glad you enjoyed it! =) 

  • Voodooseats

    I do like the posts every day, and I relate to all that is posted. And thanks so much for making all this possible for everyone. 

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    You’re most welcome. =)

  • Bones31098

    please help me, i feel as if i am a jerk to others and i want to change but i feel as if i cannot change, i have been to a hypnosis, i have been to a consouler, i have even been to a mental hospital ( because of the fact i hated myself so much i was suicidal ) i am only 14 and i have alot going for me, i am in the process to become a sponcerd skateboarder but i am self centered and when i get mad im mean to others but i dont want to be please help!!!                        

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    Hi there,

    I think it’s incredibly brave that you’ve reached out for help! I know how hard it can be to express when you’re in this type of pain. I assume your parents know what you’re going through, since you’ve seen a counselor and a hypnotist. Are they supportive and helpful? Do you feel comfortable to tell them everything you deal with?

    I went through a really dark time in my high school years, and my home life didn’t really help matters. In retrospect, I wish I’d found someone I trusted to confide in. Do you have someone like that in your life?

    I am here to help however I can!

    Lori

  • Bones31098

    yes, my parents are tryin as hard as the can to get me help, i just dont want to be like this anymore, i have told them everything, it made me very uncomfortable though because of the fact i dont like to express myself around my family cause it makes me feel weird, i feel as if im very selfish and disrespectful and i want to change that cause of the fact  it hurting others and myself, i came here cause you seem very relaxed and nice and i want to know what you did to become that way, i know it will take alot of commitment and im ready 2 change, everything else with my life is great, i have friends, i have won many awards in many different categories and im an A,B student, i guess i kinda want to learn how to be respectful and nice and i have people i can trust and express myself to but it makes me feel uncomfortable and thanks 4 listening 

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    That’s great your parents are helpful and supportive! The things that helped me the most were:

    -Therapy (talking through my feelings, understanding where they came from, and working to change negative beliefs about myself)

    -Art therapy (painting, expressing myself through theater–basically finding an outlet for my feelings so they weren’t all cooped up in my head)

    -Yoga (which helped me slow down my thoughts and feel less overwhelmed by them)

    -Eating better (At the time, I had an eating disorder, and that contributed to my depressed mood)

    -Cutting out caffeine (it always made me edgy; I’m much more relaxed without it)

    -Support Groups (Talking to other people who could relate to me helped a great deal!)

    -Getting off medications (I was way overmedicated in high school, and that actually made things worse, because each medication had side effects, and I took other meds to counter those)

    The one thing I wish I found sooner was yoga, as it helped me create a much more peaceful place in my head. I don’t know if I would have tried it at 14, but if there’s any possibility you’d consider it (or even just deep breathing while stretching) I think it could help a great deal. Sometimes just getting out of our heads makes it so much easier to feel at ease.

    Is there any other way I can help you?

    Lori

  • Bones31098

    i have done all of those except cutting out caffine, its gona be a hard one to do ( but i will try it ) because of the fact i am addicted to energy drinks ( monster, red bull, ect. ) and i   
    was on meds once but im off them now cause they dident help, and stuff like art therapy to be honest it dident really help and neither with yoga, the only thing that keeps me calm is being away from my family and chillin with friends, this is how me and my family get along

    Shane (Middle sibling, 12)- we get along ok, hes like the only person in my house that isent uncomfortable around me

    Jason (Youngest sibling, 9)- he absoloutly hates me, he has told me many times he wants me dead and he wines about everything (he has been suspended in school 7 times in one year alone) but my parents still baby him and thing hes great

    Mom- takes everything personal, if i say something that she dosent like even if its not directed towards her she gets mad at me

    Dad- wants me to be the big, perfect, man. Cleancut, Strong, like a marine when all i want to be is a laid back skater

    as you see, everyone in my family is very diffent, but i feel as if every one (except shane) wants me to change when i just want to be me, but i need to change cause even my grandparents think im a rebellous, hardcore, little brat (witch i am and thats how i like it) but than again i want to find a way to please everyone because i dont want them to hate me thanks for the help and sorry if im bugging you 

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    You’re not bothering me at all. I think cutting out those energy drinks will make a big difference. They make people really agitated! 

    Have you done family therapy? Perhaps it would help if your parents understood and related to you better. 

    I’m curious: Why do you like thinking of yourself as a rebellious, hardcore, little brat? 

  • Bones31098

    ok i will try to get rid of the energy drinks, and yes i have done family therapy but the same thing always happens, we thing we sort stuff out and a day or 2 later i get ticked off and i flip out and i feel as if i cannot control it (im VERY persistent especialy when it comes to getting my way) , and the reason i think as myself that way is cause i have never been one to take orders and nothing really scares me or intimidates me, im on of those people that gets in a fight and thinks nothing of it and after its over i never think of it again. i never really take anything serously and im a HUGE risk taker  for example, i was getting pulled on my skateboard by a motorcycle at 30 mph, and i fell and tore all the skin off my hands and my side clean down to the bone and i got up  and laughed, i dident really care what happend to me, i guess im just really hardheaded 

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    Wow that’s some intense accident you had. I know it’s exciting to take risks. I remember for a long time, I felt invincible–and then there were other times when I just didn’t really care what happened to me. I hope you don’t get seriously hurt sometime, though!

    I think cutting out those energy drinks will help a great deal–and if you don’t already, getting enough sleep and eating right. These may seem like little things, but they can really affect your mood. 

    If there’s anything more I can do to help, please let me know!

  • Youngkim3000

    I googled something like “acts of kindness and goodness” and your page/blog rolled up on top and made me smile.  I liked what you wrote.  I also wrote a book too on how I tacked my life’s tragic events and accepted them as learning tools.  I learned that life is not “one long emergency” but rather a gift to be cherished and shared. I wrote a book on it at http://equanimityandpeace.wordpress.com.  If anyone could pass by it and tell me what they think I would appreciate it.

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    I’m glad you enjoyed my post! I will check out your link. Thanks for sharing it. =)

  • Youngkim3000

     Lori, I also REALLY like Eckhart Tolle and Osho.  Are you fans of theirs?  I got off all my depression medications by reading about them. Everything really IS in the mind. It was SO hard for me to actually what “is”, and once I dropped my “sad life story” it was like a fog that magically lifted.  It was not really a “satori” event, but occurred about over 3 months.  It was so deeply painful, but it created a depth in me that without it, I would have remained so arrogant and superficial. 

  • Youngkim3000

     I really love how you did your website.  I tried to use your “plug in” to my site, as my website is only 4 days old, but wordpress.com won’t allow it.  I have to change to wordpress.org!  It is so tough to encounter life’s difficulties at first. Because you are like “what the heck?” why is this happening to me??  But then, as they say, the ego is burned in the fires of suffering.  And as I dropped my expectations, equanimity came to me.  I’m not perfect yet, but I am a MUCH better person.  I was so conceited before and selfish!  But as my suffering grew, my heart grew.  And after reading some of your website, I am sure you encountered similar stumbles and thus came the wisdom.  I don’t wish ill on anyone, but it IS true that suffering creates a depth to a person. 

  • Youngkim3000

     Lori, a nice Buddhist quote is “God is asleep. But when two people cross each other, their eyes meet and they smile, then God awakens”

  • Youngkim3000

     I just quoted your blog twice as I wrote my last blog entry.  We need more people like you to lead and shed light to awaken.  It is a hard price to pay, the price of suffering, to achieve awakening, but it is worth it.  You are pulled kicking and screaming into the fire, but then once you surrender, a lovely gem emerges…  Since my own “atonement”, I am so kind to everyone.  I feel at ONE with everyone.  It is such a fascinating feeling.

  • Youngkim3000

     Dear Lori,

    I also just read this quote by the Dalai Lama:

    “If there is love, there is hope to have real
    families, real brotherhood, real equanimity, real peace. If the love
    within your mind is lost, if you continue to see other beings as
    enemies, then no matter how much knowledge or education you have, no
    matter how much material progress is made, only suffering and confusion
    will ensue.”
    Lori, the sorrowful thing about society is that most have not yet begun to awaken. TV shows like Jersey Shore and singers like Pitbull and Chris Brown get like 200 Million Visits on one of their music videos but sites like yours and others like by Jack Kornfield and Wayne Dyer and Osho may, if they are lucky, get only a fraction of the views on one of their lectures.  Society always seems upside down. Maybe that is why no aliens have visited here.  Even if they could, I doubt if I was a Captain of an Alien World I would recommend interaction with the masses of Planet Earth, as much as I do LOVE my fellow man, lol. 

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    Thanks for sharing these quotes! I’m glad you enjoyed my post, and I know what you mean about society seeming upside down. Sometimes I feel that way, as well, when I start losing track of what matters. I’m grateful we all have each other to help each other find our way right-side-up when we need it. =)

  • Me

    so i may be taking this to an extreme, but simply stumbling upon this list has already changed my attitude about people, myself, and life in general

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    I’m so glad you enjoyed this post! =)

    Lori

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1042867526 Maya Muharom

    yes great list! because one day we’ll just a memory for some ppl..so do the best to be a good one. Anyway,  point no 1 is the hardest thing to do.. I think :D 

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1042867526 Maya Muharom

    yes great list! because one day we’ll just a memory for some ppl..so do the best to be a good one. Anyway,  point no 1 is the hardest thing to do.. I think :D

  • http://www.facebook.com/jeanmareievianney.harerimana Jean Mareie Vianney Harerimana

    nothing exist, nothing can bring me a happiness now. havianey@gmail.com

  • http://www.facebook.com/jeanmareievianney.harerimana Jean Mareie Vianney Harerimana

    this is excursively the world of the powerful person, who are able to exist not me. the truth will never exist since there is evil.

  • http://www.facebook.com/jeanmareievianney.harerimana Jean Mareie Vianney Harerimana

    nothing enjoy my exsting life since i was born, but the divine law kept me what I m

  • Anonymous

    This is an awesome list! Especially numbers 2, 6, and 9. I know I appreciate it if someone tells me I’ve made them happy, so I try to reciprocate as often as possible. Thanks so much for posting-you made me smile after a long, tiring day!! I’ve favorited this article as well as at least a dozen others from the tiny buddha site! Thanks again!

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    You’re most welcome! I love when someone tells me that as well. I’m glad this made you smile! =)

  • sathes

    What you do in life is like how you plant something. you plant an apple seed, you get an apple. similar… if you plant bad deeds .. u get bad deeds. do not do. good deeds because you want it to happen to you. Feel what others feel when u do it.

  • Lostpancake

    Dear Lori,

    Thank you so much for this beautiful post. I really needed to read something like this.

    I love this website, it’s full of wonderful, uplifting and inspiring people!

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    You’re most welcome! Thanks for taking the time to write. =)

  • http://dbakeca.com Dbakeca Italia

    good to know

  • Brianna Henderson

    But how does a kid be good at home

  • Darren

    Thank you Lori, your post has just simply brightened things up for me. Simple and plain yet strong common sense we often forget due to self-indulgence and other such negative, unneeded thoughts.

    Thank you once again
    from Malaysia; Darren

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    You’re most welcome Darren! I’m glad this was helpful to you. =)

  • Alarna Rose Gray

    I’ve definitely been down this road myself. It’s a tricky one to dig yourself out of… You say “It’s an epidemic in an individualistic culture where self-reliance, autonomy and the pursuit of personal gain”. I think you’re so right. This whole notion that we are not supposed to ‘need’ others can add to the problem. I think healing came for me when I realised it is okay to ‘need’, and that giving is a part of that equation.

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    That’s been a big part of my healing as well–knowing it’s okay to have needs, both of others and myself, and then recognizing and honoring those needs.

  • Adam

    Thanks for this :)

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    You’re welcome. =)

  • Sue Gank

    I love your page !!!

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    Thanks so much Sue!

  • Alex Mill

    Hi Lori,

    Model living a compassionate and passionate life and never let myself or others play small. Always trust that they and I are adequate to our life experience.

  • http://www.craigmcbreen.com/ Craig McBreen

    Hi Lori,

    I LOVE this. Thank you!

    Here are a few of my own …

    Stop comparing yourself to other people. (Your biggest fear could be part of another person’s daily routine).

    Embrace your inner-geek and stop trying to be cool. Then laugh at your super-dorkiness. It will take a load off, I guarantee :)

    Give people a chance, they just might surprise you.

    This has been said, but is one of my pet peeves … If someone is walking behind you, hold the door for them. Those precious two seconds won’t kill your day.

    Play the observer of your own emotions. You’ll find that most negative reactions are completely ridiculous and do nothing but ruin your day. The change will enrich the lives of others.

    Respect the elderly and and listen to them.

  • Margielyn

    I’m so glad I took the time to read this! For a while now, I’ve been struggling with returning to how I used to feel about communicating with people. I was once so happy to make others smile but, somewhere along the way, I lost it. I let others’ bad habits become my own. But now I’m back on track and I’m more hopeful for the future. Thank you so much! This definitely encourages me to keep it up.

  • Tess

    So true -this Christmas I was standing in line to order my coffee at Starbucks as I went to pay a young man waiting for his order of coffee paid for mine -and on that morning I was feeling a little down -I cant explain how special this made me feel -since that particular day my attitude to life has changed -for the better

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    That’s wonderful! Isn’t it amazing how a simple, little decision can make such a huge difference? :)

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    You’re most welcome! I’m so glad this inspired you. =)

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    You’re most welcome, and thanks for sharing these! I love them all, especially the advice to observe your emotions and the one about the elderly. I wish I realized younger in life how amazing my grandparents were (and the one who is still living is).

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    Beautiful, Alex. =)

  • Sarah

    It is so nice to read your writing again! I enjoyed your writing a week or so ago too! I do so enjoy all of your guest writers as well, but it is especially nice to hear from you! Thank you very much! With love to you and your family ~

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    Thanks so much, Sarah! It occurred to me recently that I should re-share some of my older posts, since there are a likely a lot of new readers who haven’t yet seen them. Sending love back to you. =)

  • http://www.piddle.me/ Cary Smith

    Once we come to this realization in life about ourselves doors open and dreams become possibilities. Great piece, enjoyed the read.

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    Thanks Cary, and I agree. =)

  • lv2terp

    Beautiful post Lori! Thank you for always being real, honest, and vulnerable! What a great list, all wonderful acts of kindness! Truly inspiring, always! I like when you said “We dont have to let our fears, insecurities and wants boil over…..incompatible toxic chemicals waiting to explode the moment we collide.” powerful!

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    Thanks so much, and happy Saturday! =)

  • http://www.simplecapacity.com/ Nikola Gjakovski

    Great article! I might steal some of your ideas to write mine today :D My favorite is “Accept them for who they are”. Everything begins with this one for me.

  • http://onformforever.com/ onformforever.com

    I think bringing up your past a lot with other people is just a natural way for you to try and resolve the issues. Looking for recognition when you are younger is nothing to worry about, it’s part of our passage in life, good that you recognised it too. Being nice to others is a wonderful way to give more meaning to your own and others lives. I would also add developing proper boundaries as well though, you don’t want to end up drained! Other than that spreading a little happiness in all your interactions brings joy to both parties, Lovely!

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    Thanks Nikola! Everything begins with that for me, as well.

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    Great addition! It’s such a fine line between helping people but not overextending yourself. Something I’ve learned a lot about in the past few years. I’m glad you enjoyed the post. =)

  • http://slicesfromlife.wordpress.com Pushpinder

    Hello Lori,
    This is indeed an awesome article. Thank you for this reminder about how we all can make positive difference in world.
    Infact, Kindness is my theme for this year. What i’ve noticed so far was, that the more focused i am on giving, the more focused I become on the gifts I receive from the people around me.
    Thank you for the reminder that maybe, i am the right track in Life :)

  • adriana
  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    I don’t own that site. It looks like there’s a Tiny Buddha credit down the bottom, but it’s not linked. I contacted the site own to request full/clearer attribution. I appreciate that you shared this with me!

  • http://whoneedsagenre.com Selorm Salam

    “Pay attention to them. From the clerk at the store to your kids at home, most people just want to be heard and acknowledged. Understanding comes later, but everyone can pay attention now.” I really like this one. I used to think too much as people would talk to me, which never allowed me to pay FULL attention to people. This reminds me to be always present. If im in my head then guess what, I’m not being present minded. Dope!