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4 Steps to Address How You Really Feel

“Let yourself be open and life will be easier. A spoon of salt in a glass of water makes the water undrinkable. A spoon of salt in a lake is almost unnoticed.” ~ Buddha

I am a very emotional person. I suspect I feel things about ten times more intensely than the average person.

When I’m sad, I’m really sad. When I’m stressed, I’m really stressed. When I’m nervous, I’m really nervous.

Some people would call it being dramatic. I simply call it a genuine aspect of my personality.

I’ve noticed that I have this awful habit of masking how I truly feel or forcing myself to feel differently. It seems as if I constantly have to remind myself that I am a human being and that it’s okay to feel bad sometimes. No one is a positive ray of sunshine every second of every day.

We all want to feel good and happy. When something is upsetting us, all we want is to feel better as soon as possible. But I’ve slowly learned that trying to convince yourself that you’re fine when you’re not will only make you feel worse.  

Whenever I go through some sort of fallout, whether it’s with a friend or a love interest, I immediately cover the wound by telling myself that I’m over that person and they mean nothing to me anymore. I just smile and tell everyone I’m over it and then cry in the bathroom after dinner.

Also, when I went through a phase of feeling depressed and lonely all the time, I would fake smiles and assure everyone, including myself that I was perfectly fine.

I would honestly tell myself to stop being so pathetic and dramatic and that I had no reason to be under such a large, black cloud all the time. I shoved my feelings away and never opened myself up to talk about anything.

The same thing tends to happen even if I’m feeling a positive emotion. There have been times where I’ve felt happy, but let negative people put a damper on my spirit. I would hold back my optimism whenever I was around them.

Sometimes, people will tear you down when you’re happy or make you feel like you don’t deserve to be happy. It makes you feel as if being happy is wrong or offensive.

I often tell myself that what I’m feeling is irrational or stupid. I feel obligated to pretend that I’m stronger and happier than I actually am, even when I’m not. It is extremely rare for me to ever sit down and openly talk about my real feelings.

I always smother or bottle everything up and it’s not healthy.  

The first step to fixing any problem is to identify that there is a problem. The same rule should apply when it comes to feelings. The first step towards feeling better is to admit that you’re not feeling good.

We are all human and we all feel. To feel is to be alive. To embrace and learn from your feelings:

1. Acknowledge how you really feel.

Dig past the facade you have placed over your true emotions and figure out exactly what it is that you’re feeling. Are you hurt, angry, nervous, confused?

Get your feelings out in front of you and honestly admit to yourself that you’re feeling them. Remember that it is okay to feel bad. You have already made great progress simply by admitting that you’re not okay.

2. Address the source of your feelings.

Figure out what happened that led to you feeling this way.

Did a relative say something that hurt your feelings? Are you nervous about that job interview? Is the neighbor’s loud music driving you insane?

Whenever I feel hurt or offended by someone else, I have a tendency to close off and keep it to myself. Then everything that person does starts to annoy me, and the anger or pain snowballs. If you need to right a wrong with someone, communication is the only way.

3. Stay open.

It is okay to be vulnerable. When addressing your true feelings or smoothing out a conflict with another person, I think it’s important to be honest and not sugarcoat anything.

Let yourself be angry, hurt, embarrassed or nervous without accusing yourself of being stupid and irrational. Your feelings belong to you and it is okay to let yourself feel them and then get them out and deal with them. The only thing that could be irrational is dealing with your feelings in an unhealthy manner, not the feeling itself.

4. Let your emotion run its course. 

It takes time to heal. If you’re going through a hard time, do not try to force yourself through to the other side of it or convince yourself that you’re fine when you’re really not.

Remember that no feeling is final. Give yourself time to heal and cut yourself a little slack.

So today, if you are dealing with some sort of negative emotion and you’re trying to push it away, smother it, or convince yourself that you’re not even feeling it at all, just let it be. It will only pass when you allow it to do so.

There will be good days and there will always be bad days. We’re only human. Let yourself feel and let yourself be.

Photo by sera_leaving

Avatar of Madison Sonnier

About Madison Sonnier

Madison is a freelance writer and lover of animals, music, nature and creativity. You can follow her blog at http://journeyofasoulsearcher.blogspot.com/ and buy her first eBook through Amazon and other retailers. She loves making new friends, so be sure to say hi if you like what you see!

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  • Tasmanian Minimalist

    Beautiful post, great to read. I love how realistic and loving you are.

  • Chachacha123

    Could not of come at a better time in my life

  • http://journeyofasoulsearcher.blogspot.com/ Madison Sonnier

    I’m so glad you found it helpful :) 

  • http://journeyofasoulsearcher.blogspot.com/ Madison Sonnier

    Thank you so much. That’s so sweet. 

  • RIdeTheWave

    Love it! So simple, but SO TRUE!

  • Tobefree

    Thank you Madison. I think maybe we have been from the same pod. It makes me feel so comforted to know you have felt this way and that I am not alone. Sometimes it scares me that the feeling won’t pass but I have been okay before and I know I will again. Thank you for putting your feelings out there in order for people like me to find comfort.

  • Bangles

    This is so me :-) I loved this one!

  • http://journeyofasoulsearcher.blogspot.com/ Madison Sonnier

    Thank you! :) 

  • http://journeyofasoulsearcher.blogspot.com/ Madison Sonnier

    Thank you so much for reading. I love when people tell me they can relate to what I write :) 

  • http://journeyofasoulsearcher.blogspot.com/ Madison Sonnier

    I’m glad you loved it! 

  • http://losing-civ.blogspot.com/ Sarai

    Great post! Have been struggling to kick a drug habit, and I’ve finally done it but previous relapses have all been because I wanted a quick way to feel good. This has opened my eyes to the fact that maybe I should just allow myself to feel however I feel without having to change it. I guess it’s more about being who you truly are, not hiding behind a haze of smoke instead. Thanks, you’re a star.

  • Redhen45

    Thank you for sharing this, Madison.  Many of us adopt a false belief early on that it’s not “ok” to express our true feelings and equate vulnerability with weakness.  Ironically, it’s only when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable through the honest expression of our true feelings that we attain freedom and a sense of wholeness.  This has been a personal challenge for me most of my life.  This comes as a blessed reminder that I am not alone in this and your post provides encouragement and support.
    love’n’light,
    Patty

  • Srl Frontrange

    I have the hardest time when I’m annoyed with someone else’s constant negativity and bitterness. As much as I would prefer to be understanding about their obvious pain, its very hard to be compassionate at the expense of my own well-being. As a sponge would, I’ve always absorbed their emotions and made them my own. In 2012 I’m focusing on becoming less the cup of water and more the lake.

  • Arlenem Cameron

    Thank you for sharing.  I felt like I was reading about myself!  I am a very emotional person as well and people think I am being dramatic when I do get emotional.  I love the statement “to feel is to be alive”.  So many people are so guarded with their feelings.  How do they experience anything in life?  Such a great article…nice to know there are other people out there like me. :-)  

  • http://ownyourlifecoaching.com/ An

    Looooooooove this post, Madison!

  • Ruthe M

    Thank you so much for writing this. I swear, you took the words and emotions right out of me–right down to the adjectives and experiences.

  • Traci

    Thank you for a great post Madison! Have you ever heard of the term Highly Sensitive Person? I bet you will find that a lot of it resonates with you. Traci

  • http://thebrightspace.blogspot.com/ Janeth

    I truly am just like this too:
    ‘I am a very emotional person. I suspect I feel things about ten times more intensely than the average person. When I’m sad, I’m really sad. When I’m stressed, I’m really stressed. When I’m nervous, I’m really nervous. 

  • http://journeyofasoulsearcher.blogspot.com/ Madison Sonnier

    Thank you! I used to feel the same way. I was very closed off and refused to show or express any emotion. But I think vulnerability is beautiful and it’s better to let yourself feel as opposed to keeping everything bottled up. 

  • http://journeyofasoulsearcher.blogspot.com/ Madison Sonnier

    “I’m focusing on becoming less the cup of water and more the lake.”

    I love how you put that! And yes, negativity can be very contagious. I try to avoid it whenever I can. 

  • http://journeyofasoulsearcher.blogspot.com/ Madison Sonnier

    Definitely. I hurt hard and I love hard. :) 

  • http://journeyofasoulsearcher.blogspot.com/ Madison Sonnier

    I have heard of that! I understand the feeling. 

  • http://journeyofasoulsearcher.blogspot.com/ Madison Sonnier

    Thanks for reading! I’m so glad you liked it <3 

  • http://journeyofasoulsearcher.blogspot.com/ Madison Sonnier

    Yay!! :) 

  • http://journeyofasoulsearcher.blogspot.com/ Madison Sonnier

    Thanks for reading, Arlenem! I often have to remind myself that I’m human and that humans cry, stress out, and get frustrated. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. :) 

  • http://journeyofasoulsearcher.blogspot.com/ Madison Sonnier

    Thank you so much and good for you! That’s great news. And I love what you said about not hiding behind a haze of smoke. That’s wonderful. 

  • http://journeyofasoulsearcher.blogspot.com/ Madison Sonnier

    And I LOVE your website, by the way. I just looked at it. You share such powerful, beautiful, and relatable messages. 

  • Andy Bowker

    Hey, thanks for this post – I particularly liked what you said about this being a genuine part of your personality. Sometimes it’s hard to know what we can change and what we can’t, and we shouldn’t feel guilty if we can’t change something :)

  • HooManBN

    I can’t say I do this all the time, but I have a time or two managed to ‘ride’ my emotion to its source to discover the underlying belief about myself that was causing the negative emotion.

  • Jen

    that is so very me and this post could not have been better timed as I am aware I need to find a healthier way of dealing with my incredibly strong feelings, so thank you for sharing and it’s so nice to see from the other comments how many others there are who are the same!

  • http://journeyofasoulsearcher.blogspot.com/ Madison Sonnier

    Yes! I’m so glad people can relate. Thanks for reading. 

  • http://journeyofasoulsearcher.blogspot.com/ Madison Sonnier

    I totally agree. It’s important to try to embrace every aspect of ourselves. :) 

  • http://journeyofasoulsearcher.blogspot.com/ Madison Sonnier

    That’s a good idea :) 

  • skyperson

    This is exaxtly what I’m realizing in life. It’s great to see it written out by someone else. It’s reassuring to be reminded I’m not the only one that is “dramatic.” I am learning to be honest with myself about how I am really doing and trying to not allow everything around me control my happines. Thank you for this article!

  • http://ownyourlifecoaching.com/ An

    Aww, thanks Madison!  xo

  • http://hanofharmony.com/ The Vizier

    Hi Madison,

    Ah I can relate.  As an INFJ, I am also emotional and feel things very intensely.  My lack of emotional control when I was younger was the cause of much of my pain and problems.  I remember the dark cloud that used to hover over my head all those years ago.  All that negativity, all that focusing on my problems instead of trying to find solutions.

    I love the 4 steps that you have listed to address how you really feel.  Many people are not in touch with their feelings as they should be and this could lead to many problems.  

    I think it is very important to let emotions run its course.  If I am feeling sad over a heartbreak, I lock myself in the room and allow the pain to take me.  If crying makes me feel better I cry.  I do not try to fight or to resist what I feel.  The more I resist, the more I frustrate my healing process by making it impossible for me to go all the way and let go.  By surrendering myself, I hit rock bottom quickly.  And from there, there is only one way left and that is up.

    Thank you for sharing this lovely article!  :)

    Irving the Vizier

  • http://journeyofasoulsearcher.blogspot.com/ Madison Sonnier

    I’m so glad you liked my article and I’m so glad you learned to deal with your emotions in a healthy way.

    Sometimes I have to remind myself that it’s okay to cry or feel frustrated. I’m always boxing up my feelings or telling myself I don’t have a right to feel them. But I do.

    Someone once told me that if you didn’t have a reason for feeling a certain way, you wouldn’t feel that way at all. There is always a reason and figuring out the reason is a big step in itself. 

    Thanks for reading! :) 

  • http://journeyofasoulsearcher.blogspot.com/ Madison Sonnier

    Thank you for reading! I also try to not let everything around me control my happiness. Being more self-aware helps me accomplish that. 

  • Sara

    Your emotions are your internal guidance system and should be listened to as they are the communication link between the mind, body and the soul.  Most of our reactions to situations that make us feel sad, angry, hurt or frustrated for example tend to be automatic because of how our subconscious mind works, however you can change your thought patterns.  A good place to start is your breathing.  When you feel anxious, sad, angry or whatever negative emotion then breathe in from your tummy for the count of 7 and breathe out for the count of 11.  Imagine your tummy is a balloon expanding as you breathe in and deflating as you breathe out.  Do this for about 2 to 3 minutes.  This is known as 7/11 breathing and it changes the chemicals in your brain to allow you to think more clearly and reach for an emotion that you do want to feel.  The only person making you feel the way you do is you, you have a choice about which emotion you want to feel….give it a go and see the difference :)

  • http://journeyofasoulsearcher.blogspot.com/ Madison Sonnier

    I definitely agree that your emotions are an internal guidance system. I’m getting better at breathing exercises because I hear that focusing on your breath is a good way to get back in control of your thoughts, mood, and reactions. :) 

  • Mona

    Very insightful…just what I needed to read today.When I can’t express my true feelings,the pressure builds up until I erupt.I don’t want things to be this way but over time am slowly working on my emotional issues.I will try to begin becoming like the lake now…hope I am able to.Thanks for this blog…take care.

  • charles

    i liked your essay for its personalness and ideas and i think/feel that sara said something that is ultimately the real solution to emotional issues, i.e., “The only person making you feel the way you do is you, you have a choice about which emotion you want to feel.” this frees us because we can choose to affect (for me via affirmation meditations) ourselves in a graceful,positive way uwhich then uses the law of attraction (for me the definition of karma, i.e., other people show me how i am interacting with myself and feel about myself) to attract the better part of each individual. that, enables us to feel our own positiveness and others, and not feel like a victim of others causing to judge them.

  • Tinarose29

    OMG!!! When I read ‘Sometimes, people will tear you down when you’re happy or make you feel like you don’t deserve to be happy. It makes you feel as if being happy is wrong or offensive.’, my heart skipped a beat, beacuse it brought back memories of when I suffered from severe depression and I was almost not allowed to be happy beacuse apparently I deserved what I was going thorough, gosh even writing about it now brings a tear to my eye. Only after I lost my hair to alopecia and almost wanted to end things did I think to myself…hang on just one minute,God does not want me to die and be miserable and I decided to let go of everyone that made me feel unhappy or worse than I already felt. I am a much much happier person and my new motto is ‘what other people think of me is none of my business’, its their thoughts and judgements and has nothing to do with me, so I just soldier on and keep myself away from unhappiness, poverty and misery. Happy all the way!!!!!!

  • http://twitter.com/motivationMY motivationMY.com

    Thank you so much for this wonderful post.

    Timely, I must say.

    Something happened to me and I was feeling really, really, really down. I was so angry at a friend up to a point where I wanted to just block that person from my FB. I was about to…. but I didn’t. 

    I told myself…”I am acknowledging that I am VERY EMOTIONAL now. Don’t do anything stupid cuz you will regret it later.”

    True enough, after telling myself that over and over again… I became calmer. I didn’t delete that person from my FB…. and good news, we’re still friends!!!! 

  • http://journeyofasoulsearcher.blogspot.com/ Madison Sonnier

    That’s so awesome! That same way of thinking works for me too and keeps me from reacting in a rash way. 

    I’m glad everything worked out with your friend :) 

  • http://journeyofasoulsearcher.blogspot.com/ Madison Sonnier

    So beautifully written. No one deserves to be depressed or miserable and I know how it feels to wallow in those feelings because I used to do the same thing. I would just walk around thinking happiness was overrated and out of reach and convince myself that I would just get comfortable with being unhappy instead. 

    But everyone deserves to feel happy and good about themselves. It is really a wonderful feeling and no one should feel like they are wrong for being happy. 

    I am so so so glad you’re a happier person now. Always hold on and see yourself through your struggles.

    And you’re absolutely right when you say “what other people think of me is none of my business.” I love that quote! 

    <3 Madison :) 

  • http://journeyofasoulsearcher.blogspot.com/ Madison Sonnier

    Thank you for reading! 

  • Tinarose29

    Its such a wonderful feeling to be happy. I used to wonder what people meant when they talked about happines and self love. I am so gald that I have found both and I think I love myself a bit too much lol, but its all good. Please feel free to use the quote as you please. It has worked wonders for me.
    Wishin you loads of joy this new year xx

  • Ruthanne Soutter

    thanks for sharing your thoughts…has brought me back to a place of balance reading them!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=607409472 Emily Parker

    “We all want to feel good and happy. When something is upsetting us, all we want is to feel better as soon as possible. But I’ve slowly learned that trying to convince yourself that you’re fine when you’re not will only make you feel worse.”

    thank you for this validation. i’m tired of feeling guilty or negligent or accused of wallowing because i’m having a bad time right now and am not using my super zen powers to just ‘will’ it away, or put on a show for my enlightened brethren who feel i should be ‘above’ all this. i understand that bad feelings can be contagious, but then seriously, don’t talk to people going through a hard time if you can’t handle it or don’t want to be around it. i’d rather be left to sort through things myself than be baited and accused and have to feel defensive on top of everything else. sometimes the most supportive thing you can do for others during a bad time is give them their space and let things run their course.

    negative emotions are as equally valid as positive ones. i think sometimes we want to have it both ways. people tell you ‘yes, it’s natural to be unhappy at this, now acknowledge your unhappiness and move on’ but they never say ‘yes, it’s natural to be happy about this, now acknowledge your happiness and move on.’ we shouldn’t wallow in any emotion, be it joy or depression, but we do feel them, and have to allow ourselves to feel them, and take whatever we’re supposed to take from them, as long as we don’t let them take from us. they are our emotions, not our masters. that being said, there is not set rebound time from any emotion, and just because we, as someone’s friend, might think they should be over it by now because we’d like to think we would be if we were in their shoes, doesn’t mean that the process is complete for them. everyone is on their own journey, and as callous as it might sound, especially regarding those we love, if we don’t like where their journey is taking them, we are not obligated to tag along. paths diverge all the time, and if and when they are meant to, they will connect again.

  • Gracebabcock02

    This was exactly what I needed to read right now. Thank you so much. Bookmarking it. 

  • Cat

    I appreciate your ‘admitting’ to this challenge since I face it probably more than I even know (people trying to be ‘perfect’ can’t have emotions, right!?)  I’d add to Step 2 “past or present” as what seems to be the problem may not be the problem.  If past experience has ‘taught’ you to expect a certain outcome it’s likely that you will perceive a situation based on past hurt rather than present facts.  I’m learning the only way to ‘unlearn’ the past, though, is to allow myself to feel and deal.  :-)

  • http://journeyofasoulsearcher.blogspot.com/ Madison Sonnier

    Exactly! You totally understood my point in writing this article. We all deal with our feelings in different ways. If someone is good at just “willing away” their feelings, then they are welcome to do that. But that’s not what I do. I can try all day long but if I’m upset about something, then I’m going to be upset about it. In my opinion, it’s better to just sit with your feelings and understand both the feeling and the cause of the feeling so you can focus on the process of getting better. 

    It’s not right to make someone feel like they’re wrong for feeling a certain way. We all heal at our own rate. :)

    Thanks for reading!  

  • http://liveohana.blogspot.com/ Angela Marchesani

    Madison,

    As per my usual experience with the TinyBuddha blog, this was exactly what I needed to hear today.

    “The same thing tends to happen even if I’m feeling a positive emotion. There have been times where I’ve felt happy, but let negative people put a damper on my spirit. I would hold back my optimism whenever I was around them.
    Sometimes, people will tear you down when you’re happy or make you feel like you don’t deserve to be happy. It makes you feel as if being happy is wrong or offensive.”It is so helpful to read this as a reminder to express even POSITIVE emotions and to “let my light shine.”

    Thanks!

  • http://journeyofasoulsearcher.blogspot.com/ Madison Sonnier

    Thank you so much! I’m glad it was what you needed to hear :) 

  • Diana

    I also really enjoyed the post, and think it’s well written.

    Traci, thanks for mentioning the term Highly Sensitive Person (which I’m quite certain I am). I just looked it up and found a free online test:

    http://www.hsperson.com/pages/test.htm Thanks for mentioning it.

    FYI: I scored a 21, and yes, I’m definitely a Highly Sensitive Person!

    So Madison, I hear ya sister lol It’s hard to be so sensitive and empathetic, and some consider that a negative thing. But I’ve come to realize that my experience of life is so much richer than those who aren’t able to feel things so completely.

    People like us are lucky. When we hurt, we HURT. But on the other hand, when we feel joy, it’s almost overwhelmingly deep, blissful and complete. And I think that’s something to be cherished. :)

  • http://journeyofasoulsearcher.blogspot.com/ Madison Sonnier

    I just took the quiz and checked several of the boxes as well. I don’t think being emotional is a bad thing either if you learn to stay balanced and not have a meltdown over every little thing. (Something I used to do)

    And I also feel overwhelming, blissful, and complete joy when I’m having a good day. I get so excited about everything and I fully absorb the moments that make me feel totally happy and present.  

    I’ve always said that I’m not a hard person to please, but I’m also not a hard person to displease. Haha :) 

  • http://www.owenmarcus.com Owen Marcus

    We don’t give our feelings enough love. Thank you for your post… our emotions need all the support they can get.

  • Kalen

    Thank you so much Madison. I’m the same way and I thought I was abnormal. Now I know it’s ok to feel this way. I’m going through something right now and I was so proud of myself for addressing my pain, not pretending that I am ok. I also have learned that if I forgive the person that have hurt me, I can throw away that grudge and feel more peaceful.

  • http://profiles.google.com/subangjayadailyphoto Siew Choo Chua

    Reading this article, I felt like its talking about me! I find it hard to be open about my emotion.  I hate being vulnerable. So, I always put up a happy smile even at times I feel hurt, depress or angry. It makes me feel terrible that I can’t let my true emotion came to the surface.  And I always allow others negativity to affect me. Your article motivates me to accept my feeling as it is and to speak up to a friend who always make me feel miserable being around her as she is full of negativity in her words, that now I avoid her. I need to find the courage to speak up front about my issue with her instead of choosing avoidance. Thanks, for making me take a step forward to open up myself and accepting my emotion as it is. Thank you.

  • http://manifestconnection.com/ Kari

    I’m right there with you
    on the emotional part. I’m quite sensitive and always have been. I let it out,
    but try to let it out in a good way. I have noticed that there are health
    benefits from this though! My blood pressure is never high, even in stressful
    times. I think that’s because I don’t hold anything in, as well as trying to
    always find the good side of things (and feel that good side).

    I think it’s important to
    know how you really feel and to admit that feeling. Otherwise you don’t know whether
    or not you need to fix something in your life or whether you are going in the
    right directions – your feelings are what let you know and if you are honest
    with them then you can take action.  

  • http://twitter.com/AlannahRose Alannah Rose

    I just started reading “The Highly Sensitive Person” by Elaine Aron!  I really like it so far – I recommend it!

  • http://journeyofasoulsearcher.blogspot.com/ Madison Sonnier

    That’s wonderful, Kalen. Thanks for reading :) 

  • http://journeyofasoulsearcher.blogspot.com/ Madison Sonnier

    Thank you! I used to hate being vulnerable too. It can be scary. But I really admire people who aren’t afraid to be honest with themselves and I try to remind myself that that’s a good thing. 

  • Anne

    That was such a great post! I too, am a person who feels the impact of events much more intensely than other people and am very emotional. When my father passed away, I went into serious depression because I was very close to him. Only after dealing with the depression did I realise that: (1) I needed to learn to accept that I am an emotional person to allow the healing process to happen and (2) contrary to my previous misconception that being emotional is a bad thing, my experience brought into light that being emotional is also a good thing.  It is because I am emotional that I can put myself into a character’s shoes and produce good stories, it also allows me to write good poetry etc.As for life and negative experiences, it is often only after the rain do we see the rainbow. So, =)!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Leslie-Austin/539615890 Leslie Austin

    I H AVE ALWAYS HAD THE HARDEST TIME WITH LETTING ME FEELINGS OUT. ALWAYS BEEN THE ONE TO SMOOTH THINGS OVER AND TRY TO SOLVE A CONFLICT AT MY EXPENSE. I AM LEARNING NOW THAT THAT BEHAVIOR AND NOT EXPRESSING MY TRUE FEELING HAS ONLY MADE ME A DOORMAT FOR OTHERS TO WALK ON. RIGHT NOW I AM A WORK IN PROGRESS. TAKING CARE OF ME AND EXPRESSING MY FEELINGS.

  • http://lifeisnotamovie.net Robin

    I’m like this too, turns out I’m a Highly Sensitive Person and knowing that helps me deal with things a lot better. For me I tend to try to busy myself with something when I’m in a state (angry, sad, or whatever) so I can get past the really intense part of it.

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  • Alexandre

    I m so lonely and yet no one to talk to. I feel like I have this massive dark cloud overhead following me everywhere. I used to be happy but now , especially after falling in love for someone , I feel so very lonely and depressed. What gets to me is that the woman I love really seems to enjoy her life and I feel left behind and trying to figure out how to move on. 7 months of hell and no solution in sight.

  • Anonymous

    It is not ok to be vulnerable in most circumstances. People who have earned trust with me will share their vulnerabilities with me and vice versa. But that kind of friendship and trust is rare.

  • Ramit

    Beautifully written. Thank you.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=662306807 Danielle Regalado

    Very needed. I’ve been struggling with beating myself up due to my “over emotional, dramatic-ness”. It really is nice to know I’m not alone. I love you for sharing this. Thank you. :)

  • sophiaya

    There are no words that can describe how thankful I am to have read this. Thank you so much

  • mohamed

    Oh that is exactly what I need…
    Two months ago I fell in love with my colleague in the university , I wanted her so bad that I get nervous when I talk to her I sweat and even can’t control my actions ..
    .A friend of mine told me that behind my back my crush is making fun of me with her friends , because I sweat and get nervous around her ,, it hurts me soo deep I cried hundred time about it and every time I see her I feel like crying , but I pretended as I don’t care at all ..I couldn’t face her and ask her why are you doing this ! ..but I just cut my relationship with her partly …
    But even that had been a two months I still feel hurt .I didn’t talk about it with anyone I couldn’t …but after reading this I think I’m going right ahead to her and ask her Why ?!!! I really need to release this thing …

  • Anup Sudhakaran

    How am I supposed to forget her ? I will miss her till I die. She says she no longer loves me. There was a time when she can’t be without me for a second. And then she suddenly left me. It’s over an year now. I been sending her so many desperate e-mails and she used to reply back to me very rudely deliberately. Then she called me 2 weeks back. She asking me to move on. She not the same girl anymore. She says she learned how world is and she no longer wants to be in my prison.

    I’m completely broke. Please tell me what is she thinking. I asked her if she is with someone, she said she is not. But she no longer wants to be with me :’(

    Please advice :’(

  • E

    Thank you so much for this article. You brought words to my unprocessed thoughts. I, too, like a lot of you think that because my feelings are so intense I don’t have a right to show them, that to show them would be too narcissistic. I beat myself up for this and at the same time feel lonely because I need to connect with people on a feeling level to be close to them. Your article makes me realize I have every right to show them. They are just feelings. Vulnerability is good. And that it is o.k. to feel sad, annoyed, tired, stressed, nervous…

  • TinyBuddha

    Your article spoke straight to my heart and let me finally open up through suffocating feelings that I have been dealing with for the past few years. Knowing someone else feels the same way and can relate is very freeing when you think about your own situation and finally give yourself permission to just be real about the feelings you know you have inside. And I can totally relate to the smiling facade and then crying in the bathroom lol! All it is hurting is yourself because you are the one who has to live day to day with the feelings you know you have inside but feel wrong about because of what others might think. It just isn’t worth sacrificing your well being.

  • arkhamkent14

    It’s been almost a year and I kept telling myself I’m over her. Though I don’t feel that ‘sad’ anymore compared to last year, I know to myself that I’m still missing her and deep inside I’m still hoping for another chance. It is outright pathetic but it’s what I’m feeling for real. I tried to leave and just be gone but I ended up initiating a conversation just so we could talk again. How many times did she let me feel that she’s not interested, yet I’m still going for her because that’s what I feel? How many times did I shut my real feelings off just to spare myself some shame and dignity? Whenever I let myself be subjected to what I really feel, it gets harder to move on but at least I feel like I’m getting immune to pain little by little. It still hurts now but through time I know I’ll get over her. I just hope it’ll be sooner.

  • liesse gaga

    I’m happy to see that I’m not the only one to feel that way!!It hurts even so much to know that you can’t just “will away” those bad feelings…

  • Sachiko Sho

    My problem is that I don’t know why I feel the way I do. The only time I don’t feel the pang of sadness is when I’m drowning it out by doing mindless tasks or immersing myself in a game or show or book. I’m perpetually stressed for no reason, or at least, a reason I have yet to realize.

  • v.tech

    Thanks but expressing how you feel sometimes gets u judged n i dont care what others think of me but what about others???

  • Ashley

    Your description of how you were feeling is exactly how I’ve been feeling as of late.

  • Del

    Great article. Nowadays I’m feeling really suffocated. I have no freedom. I feel like my hands are tied. I would like to run away. And the worst thing is that I don’t know what to do.. My mom really annoys me, she suffocates me and I try to undestand and respect her because she’s my mother but it’s hard and painful. I’m 23 and I would like to choose what I want to do e simply do it.. but I feel enormously like a prisoner at home. I have a job, I’ve already graduated, I have my life but she doesn’t want me to live my life the way I feel better.. I want to travel to see my boyfriend and I can’t tell her because she is mentally sick and she’d get angry and violent and start screaming and throwing things away. It’s hard to deal with her. I don’t know what to do. I try to understand her traumas and problems but her attitute makes me feel sad. I just would like to go away.. sometimes I wonder if I’m not being dramatic and ungreatful and I’m thank God for the things I have. but that situation day by day saddens me.. It’s terrible don’t feel free..what can I do?

  • itssomethingweneed

    Madison thank you I have much appreciation that you shared this..My belief is that honesty with self and others is key to being who we are in the various aspects of relationships we have in our lives. As long as we are not being intentionally unkind or malicious, it is better acknowledge and to express our thoughts, opinions or feelings without fear of being taken the wrong way. Recently I shared my feelings, telling someone that allowed myself to be weak and I have fallen for them (although circumstances mean this may go nowhere). Also said that I hope they didn’t mind my honesty and that I didn’t expect reciprocation. I sent this in a text and at the end jokingly added ‘please do not laugh’..The response received was only ” I didnt”..This hurt my feelings and I felt so stupid, rejected and embarrassed and feel like I have totally blown the friendship. I am working through the course of my feelings and know that eventually I ill feel better again.