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9 Ways to Cope When Bad Things Happen

Light Rain

“We all have problems. The way we solve them is what makes us different.” ~Unknown

Have you ever experienced times when you go through just one bad thing after another? When it seems like the world is out to get you? When things go wrong no matter what you do?

You are not alone. Bad things happen to all of us too, including me. I experienced a small set back recently which I want to share with you.

Not too long ago, I was working on my upcoming eBook. It was my #1 priority project at that time and I had been working on it tirelessly, day and night. After lots of hard work, I was 90 percent done. At that time, it was 630 pages. (The final book was almost 800 pages.)

I was happy with the progress. Cover done, foreword written, articles in place, right order, formatting done, layout completed—it was on track to launch in a week’s time.

Unfortunate Turn of Events

One evening after I got home, I sat at my computer and opened my document, ready to start work. Imagine my horrified look when I looked at the document and saw the cover design was an older version.

Bewildered, I checked the page count. It was 430 pages, 200 pages lesser than my latest version! This was an old version I was working on a few days ago. I was flabbergasted.

I couldn’t believe what was happening. I had always been careful with my documents, especially having experienced painful reworks before from document crashes and what not. It seemed there was a software error which caused an older version of my file to save over the new version, even though I had saved the latest version.

I was almost done with the book, ready to launch and my latest file disappeared. It was disheartening and honestly, somewhat depressing.

After fiddling around for fifteen minutes, I came to terms that the latest version was gone. Two hundred pages of material and endless hours of hard work—all gone.

Focusing on What Could Be Done

Interestingly, while I felt bummed, I wasn’t hung up about it. Almost immediately after I realized the document was really gone, I got right to work.

I listed down what changes were lost in the old version so I could redo them. I added them on my to-do list and mapped out my schedule so I could still meet the original launch date. I was determined to meet my launch timing and I was not about to let this hiccup throw my off.

Was I frustrated? Sure I was. There were thoughts of “Aw shucks, I should have backed it up manually” and “How did this even happen?” but those thoughts were fleeting. They didn’t bog me down. If anything, I felt more charged up than anything.

While a good chunk of work was gone, I was focused on how I could get back on track, since lamenting what happened wouldn’t accomplish anything.

Our Negative Coping Behaviors

There are many possible negative things that can happen to us in a day—from the little things like coffee spilling, being caught in a traffic jam, losing our keys, having people criticize you, to the bigger mishaps like getting into a car accident, losing our valuables, breaking up from relationships, or losing our jobs.

Whenever something bad happens to us, it’s easy for us to slip into one of the following behaviors:

  • Self-victimization. We ask ourselves “Why is this happening to me? Why am I so unlucky? Why doesn’t this happen to anyone else? It’s not fair!”
  • Reacting in anger. We lash back at the situation, or even people around us, for what’s happening.
  • Self-blame. We make self-depreciating comments like “Why am I so stupid to have done that?” “Only someone like myself can make such a dumb mistake.”
  • Slipping into depression. For those of us who have faced cases of depression before, we might fall back if we’re not careful at managing our emotions.
  • Dejection or giving up. We lose hope, or worse still, we give up. We decide it’s not worth it, that life is out to get us, and we should just stop trying altogether.

9 Tips to Cope With Negative Situations

The thing is, as long as you live in this world, you are subjected to the same chaos, the ups and downs, the good and bad, the positives and the negatives of life. You are not the only person facing this.

What sets you apart from others though, is how you choose to deal with this situation. Here are my personal steps to cope with bad situations and create something good out of them:

1. Release your frustrations.

Don’t bottle them out because you might just implode. Talk to a friend about it. A listening ear does wonders. Go exercise and release the tension. Journal it out.

2. Realize you are not alone.

No matter what you may think, you’re not alone in this. Somewhere around the world, someone else is thinking the exact same thing as you. Someone out there is feeling down and out too, wondering why she is experiencing this. Knowing it’s not just you helps you to get out of a self-victimizing mindset.

3. Being frustrated isn’t going to solve anything.

The problem will still remain whether you go berserk at it or whether you think about it calmly. The former will create more problems as your agitation prevents you from making good decisions. I knew remaining frustrated was not going to help me get my 200 pages back, so I focused on what could be done instead (#6).

4. Know you always have a choice.

Realize no matter what happens, you always have a choice in how you react. While you may not be able to control what happens to you, you can most certainly control your behaviors. You can face the worst things in the world, but if you make the choice not to let yourself be affected by them, you won’t be.

5. Objectify it.

An incident is an incident; we’re responsible for the feelings attached. Remove the feelings and look at the situation objectify. This will help us cope a lot better.

6. Focus on what you can do.

Action creates empowerment. It brings possibilities. It creates results. By taking action, you are no longer a passive recipient. You are a conscious creator.

7. Ask for help if you need to.

It’s okay to ask for help if it makes the situation easier. Remember, you are not alone in this (#2).

8. See it as an obstacle to be overcome.

Life is a journey of learning and growth, and everything happens for a reason. Obstacles are the things stopping you from getting your goals, and if you keep overcoming these obstacles, you’ll eventually get what you want.

9. Identify the lesson learned.

There are always things to be learned from every situation. For me, I learned to rigorously back-up everything I’m doing now—even saving files in different versions so I can still recover the last version if the latest version ever gets destroyed.

No matter what bad stuff life throws your way, as long as you cope with it constructively, nothing can get you down.

What has been useful for you? Feel free to share with everyone in the comments area below.

Avatar of Celestine Chua

About Celestine Chua

Celestine Chua writes at Personal Excellence on how to achieve personal excellence and live your best life. Get her free ebook 101 Things To Do Before You Die now by signing up for her newsletter (100% free, unsubscribe whenever you want). Get her RSS feed directly and add her on Twitter @celestinechua.

Announcement: Wish you could change your past? Learn to let go and create a life you love with the Tiny Buddha course!
  • Narayananmangalam

    OH! UNIVERSAL TEACHER!! Give us problems!!which makes us YOUR humble disciple and at the same time makes us strong in heart!!!…..

  • Cayocum

    This was a much needed article today. This afternoon I received word that I had lost a recent court decision regarding a change of venue in my child custody case. I was/am heartbroken knowing that my ex’s family retired from working at that courthouse, there is virtually no way I can receive a fair hearing.

    I have been fighting all of the emotions that have welled up inside of me and had tempered them the best I could but felt myself losing control of them as the afternoon wore on. I realize it is my choice, I have had worse days, tomorrow need not be one of those or today. The article reinforced what I already knew. Thank you and my angels for making sure it was here today.

  • http://twitter.com/zzirf zzirf

    You canyou can

  • Steven

    I always remind myself that life is always in a flux of change. Nothing remains eternal. In the next hour, I will be doing something else, I will be feeling different. What is happening to me now will stop at some point. I just need to be in the present and life will follow.

  • Chas dare

    general how to such as this one here, does not help everyone. their are some bad things that happens and defy remedies and you have to live with the pain for the rest of your life. forget this rules

  • Mandi_irwin

    This article came at just the right time! Last week my purse was stolen out of my car along with all of my id and credit cards. This was just a “topper” to a very challenging week. I needed the reinforcement of this article to know there is a lesson to be learned here. I realize that going “bezerk” is not going to solve anything, but just makes things worse. Sometimes we need reassuring words and articles like this to help us get through difficult times!….and exercise definatley helps!

  • http://celestinechua.com Celestine Chua

    Hi Mandi, I’m glad the article helped! I’m sorry to hear about your purse being stolen – it must be terrible! Focus on what you can do and the situation will only get better and better.

  • http://celestinechua.com Celestine Chua

    Hi Cayocum, thank you so much for sharing. I’m sorry to hear about your situation. At the same time you’re absolutely right – it is in your personal power to choose how your days will be. Keep fighting and our hearts are with you all the way.

  • J.H.

    Crazy how this blog post comes up the day I somehow made an embarrassing and awkward mistake when sending an important e-mail. Thanks for the post!

  • Wakiagaru

    “5. Objectify it. An incident is an incident; we’re responsible for the feelings attached. Remove the feelings and look at the situation objectify. This will help us cope a lot better.” First of all it should be >>objectively<<. Second, if the problem happens to be a person, this could be the worst thing to do.

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  • hollypop

    i really enjoyed this post. im about to lose my great paying job of 4 years because of something absolutly accidental that i did but unfortunatley cannot be forgiven at my job b/c there is a zero tolerance policy. i feel this may be my blessing in disguise and also a very important life lesson i must learn in order to be successful in the future. im scared to death but as long as i handle this without panic i will make it through. i have faith in myself and know that i will get another good job but not having any income is something ive never had to deal with before as well as being fired from a job. i promise myself i will keep reading tiny buddha to remind me this is not the end of the world. i am strong and i will make it through. i love this website and am so thankful my friend introduced me to it. thanks for everything!!

  • Jacqui

    Thank you! I needed to particularly hear the I can choose how I feel and react – all too often I just let the negative feeling flow because it’s a habit.

    I’ve had a serious back injury then just when I was about to return to work the weather turned to heavy snow so I was unable to walk – frustration was not the word for it – but now I’m going to choose to spend the time productively writing my novel!

  • Megan628

    It’s crazy how timely this post was. Just last night, I had an incident where I went through all of the behaviors you should NOT do in a bad situation. Thanks to this, I will know how to react and not let the situation overcome me!

  • Luminous_mortal

    I really appreciate your list of coping skills. Must admit, I feel like I’ve been starring in my own soap opera this year. There’s been no time to conclude one part of the storyline before another plot point has rolled up behind me like a semi to squash me flat on the tarmac. So far, life’s been a continuing cliff hanger — “surreal” has become the new “normal”, but I’ve decided to embrace this story as though there was a red carpet and a gold statue in it for me. :)

    Here’s the Reader’s Digest version:

    In the past year, I’ve been unemployed, my husband of 30 years has fallen in love with my best friend, I’ve undergone surgery, chemo and radiation for breast cancer for the second time, my dearest aunt just died of cancer a few weeks ago, and I’m in the middle of a divorce. In a few short months I must move from my dream home into an apartment, find employment in a barren job market, and continue to take care of my medical issues on my own. And I’m absolutely going to do this. Emotions may have run high for months on end, but through the pain, confusion and sadness, I’m still buoyed by a sense of optimism and a belief that there’s a higher purpose for all this craziness.

    Recently, I read a quote that’s goes something like this: “No matter what is going wrong in your life, someone else in the world wishes they had YOUR problems.” This is my mantra. I’ve decided to worry less about my lines in this soap opera and focus more on intent. The way I see it, that soap’s not going to run forever. Once it’s cancelled, I’ll have a whole new show to star in… :)

  • Waqas

    Very nice and useful article.

    Just like the other reader, this article was very timely for me too. I had been working on a report in my computer lab and I thought i mailed it to my personal e-mail address. But when i came home to check my mail, the report wasn’t there. I was flabbergasted, how could that happen, i had mailed that report myself in front of my eyes.

    But realizing, whats done is done, i started to work on my report again and completed it before deadline :)

  • Cpurplevision4

    This article helped me tremendously as I have had in the past year some horrible blows to my health, financially and of course my self esteem. You have given me the incentive to “fight” like I use to and want to take action in every positive way I can find. Great article girl. It should help others. As an “ole” cheerleader, like you with your pages, “we must back up a little and punt.” Great article girl. Keep it up! Ann McNeill, Theologian

  • Cynthia Artadi

    Thank you for sharing this. It means a lot to me and it inspires me.

  • Alonefornow

    I think these are valuable lessons when something unfortunate as happened which is NOT created by another individual. However if for example the ‘bad thing’ is the direct result of the actions of another person, especially if they are someone close to you, things like objectifying, feeling you have a choice and seeing challenges as obstacles is more difficult.

    I recently was dumped by boyfriend of two years, I have been bottom of his priority pile as we lived 200 miles away and he experienced huge personal upheaval, with his parents marriage split after 40 years due to infidelity, and then his mother being diagnosed with breast cancer. I had supported him through all of this dutifully, not perfectly because I am human, but the best I can. On the 9th December after 5 weeks of not talking to me, he broke up with me, because ‘I wasnt the person he wanted to be with’ and he ‘didnt love me anymore’. Two days later he took another girl to his work christmas party.

    I find it very difficult to approach this and the feelings I have objectively. Equally I want to overcome this but I feel like doing so, condones how I have been treated. I feel very much like my choice has been removed and yes I can chose how I react but little else at the point is my choice, especially being alone.

    Despite my comments, thank you for posting this, although it hasnt necessarily worked for me I am sure there are many that will have got a great deal of strength and comfort from it.

  • http://rich-faith.com

    Great article on how to cope when bad things happen! How do I cope? Turn to God. Only He truly knows why things happen, how they effect us and others, what it is we are supposed to learn from a situation, & has all power to strengthen us through the storm. Its amazing how we can find peace & even joy during the most difficult times in our lives when we turn to Him! Thanks! Great article!

  • http://twitter.com/treefrog_WA Heather

    Great article. I especially like that you choose how you react. I’m prone to “wallowing” in my self misery as action just seems to take more energy than I have at the time – but wallowing sucks out even more energy so I am not better off for it. Thanks for posting this useful article.

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  • Kim

    I actually had the same thing happen yesterday. It’s devestating. I’ve been so down and blamed myself. But reading what the author posted about somewhere in the world someone is feeling what I feel, it made me feel a little better to know i’m not alone. But once i read your post i really felt like i wasn’t alone. I’m glad you posted. =)

  • LL

    A timely reminder!  With most things, I can be pretty zen-like, no point crying over spoilt milk right?  But my special weakness is with human relationships, probably cos it’s not easy to not take it personally when it comes to human interactions.  Still, I forge on, and this article goes some way in reminding me to not take anything that seriously, or personally. 

  • omahaogars

    It’s been a year; I hope your soap opera has made a turn for the better!  

  • Lucy_byrne22

    losing 200 pages of a stupid book is really a ridiculous example of “when bad things happen..” try losing a baby you asshole. this i find insulting i came here trying to find comfort after losing my first child and you post about losing pages of your ridiculous book. i would lose EVERYTHING TO HAVE MY BABY BACK. you dont know the meaning of loss

  • http://esotericreader.com/ Marcxstar

    Thank you.

  • Kretek78

    Strength through Struggle!!!

  • Y_cul

    Lucy, you’re an idiot. Stop playing the negative role as listed above. What he wrote has nothing to do with your baby. I’m sorry for your loss and sorry you came here ‘looking’.

    If he put countless hours into his book that is a big loss for him. That probably was his baby.

    Get real.

    C’est La Vie 

    Skaffa Ett Live

    Go read a post somewhere else written by someone else who will add losing a baby as an example. God you’re seriously dumb…..I just can’t get around it. 

    Maybe im being negative too. I’m going to finish my story now.. it sure is my baby.

  • Shnnnhrd

    this actually helped a lot. This had a lot of ups and downs and I kept beating myself over what i’ve done or what I could of done. It made matters worse especially when my mother gets angry with me and I feel as the world is turning upside down.

  • Babygirl73me

    This is right on point for me right now. Trying to find a new job in a barren, working in a toxic work environment, getting through illness and financial strife after being dumped by my ex and interestingly enough, my own mother. Trying to wade into new relationships only to find out that most folks are selfish. Through it all, I find pockets of goodness, and despite all the stress of being ready to move on and up, I know it will all work itself out. When a door is closed, a window will be opened. Best wishes to everyone who is trying to keep there head above water!

  • Laura_lie96

    This did help because I had trusted someone with my longvoard and he never came back with it. But I’ve learned to never trust anyone you don’t really know.

  • Zodwasaina

    I feel like the universe is after getting me

  • migz

    Ohayou gozaimasu (I’m not Japanese :) Just a Filipino studying Japanese)

    I enjoyed this article and, like the others who’ve commented on this one, this article just came in at the right time.

    Last Monday, October 1, I got robbed. I got scammed. It happened at the local mall just near my house. Three guys ganged up on me and stole my stuff. It wasn’t anything violent but if I had to put it in a short, simple way: they charmed me with their words and they somehow got me to trust them even though they were strangers. They stole everything: my laptop, my gadgets, my stuff in school, my iPod, my cellphone… everything. It was traumatic for me. These last few days, I’ve had a rollercoaster ride of emotions. I’m not bipolar or anything but after that event, it’s really changed the way I go through my emotions. I’m upbeat then sad then happy then blue.

    But through these tough hours, I’ve always said to myself: “keep moving forward”. Yeah, I got that from Meet The Robinsons but that phrase has kept me up even after the event. I still feel a little down but after just Googling, I found this article. And everything in this article is true.

    I thank you, Ms. Celestine Chua. This article came at just the right time. I wasn’t going to give up everything but sometimes, I just need a little push and a little motivation to get back up. I learned a lot from this article. Arigatou gozaimasu (thank you very much)

    Keep it up and I know that I’m not alone. :) WE ARE NOT ALONE.

  • Cathy

    I’ve lost my hope … nothing’s going right … as hard as I push the deep I go … I try to ignore and be happy but again it doesn’t works … I’m tired of everything … I’m hopeless

  • jbo

    Try getting into two car accidents in two months. Both totalling my dream cars – 1st one (Toyota Celica) – owned for 9 years and was paid off. Totalled – then got a Mazda RX-8 (only three like them in the state) – had it for 17 days and someone rammed into me totalling my dream car before even making a car payment.
    I am defeating and starting to be physically afraid outside b/c what’s going to happen next. Wishing the last accident was fatal.

  • Laura

    I had my phone stolen along with some of my money on a bus a few days ago. I never noticed it happening…The bus was crowded and the person took advantage of the situation to snoop inside my backpack. When I noticed, it had already happened and I felt devastated because I had never been robbed before in my life. I couldn’t help but think I should have done this or I should have done that… but then I realized “should” was no longer an option. Instead I tried to look on the bright side. I still had my wallet holding way more money than what was taken and more importantly I still had my life and was not hurt in the act. There are so many people out there who are violently attacked just for their material possessions and I was lucky enough to be left unharmed. Reading your thought process during your situation was very alleviating and while it often bothers me to think back on the incident I just know I have to move on and just learn to be more vigilant in the future. Thank you so much for this article and I’ll definitely keep these tips in mind!!

  • Eva

    What I definitely think is that time is the best doctor. We will eventually overcome everything bad that happens to us. It just needs time to heal. Some things can not be solved immediately. But I also think that it has a lot to do with negative energy, therefore we should try to concentrate on things that make us happy and not thinking about negative things even thought it may be difficult.

  • Erin Mcfarland

    I like your list of coping skills and I will use them. Because I have had a lot of bad things happening to me and I don’t like it alot but you have told me stuff that I have never done about it before. So thank you!!!!

  • AppFan

    Thank you for your comment! My brand new Samsung cellphone got stolen today right out of my purse while waiting for a bus to open it’s doors. It was frustrating as I had a lot of apps and stuff that helped me throughout the day (notice the attachment to the material right there). My phone, not a month old, my precious pho…oh wait, life is not about that!!! Soon after getting to work and emailing/phoning people about my loss that I realized losing the phone was kind of a blessing in disguise (sortof): people that I no longer want in my life will not be able to contact me, apps and games that made me lose time and avoid things that mattered vanished, GONE, and suddenly I feel this wash of…relief. I regret losing my most precious photos and some videos I shot, but other than that, I am safe, I did not lose my life (precious, indeed) and I can always (eventually) buy a better phone. Thank you, again for your inspiring words.

  • 740gzup

    I appreciate the words of encouragement but I’m not sure how to go about exhibiting these techniques. Everything has been going downhill for the past few years and I can’t seem to bounce back. I feel as if my time is up.

  • desperate for a change

    got evicted because I lost my job..car got repossessed..moved in with my fiances disabled parents..income tax return offset by government for student loan..can’t get a decent job because someone stolen my identity and I have 5 children to care for..can’t get a loan from anyone because of my credit score …but still blessed causeI’m alive..but seriously I desperately need a job lol

  • H2O

    Interesting, life is a roller costa….its your choice to either enjoy the ride or scream. Nevertheless, Lord my burdens are heavy but am not going to complain…

  • Boo

    I think you are amazing and I think you should be writing a blog given your experience of genuine hardship xx

  • Boo

    I never got a chance to read said comment because you deleted it but if someone is in pain they will lash out . How dare you put Lucy down like that -you are extremely self righteous it seems, and I am sure the writer can stand up for themselves.

  • Michele

    I’m so sorry you are going through so much…. I am amazed at your positivity. Wow… you would be a great teacher! I am going through a lot right now (not as much as you but a lot for me) and am having trouble dealing with things. I seem to handle everything the wrong way… I want to be more like you and have your positive attitude. How does a person achieve this???? I NEED this badly!! You are an amazing person… my hat is off to you! :)

  • William Whiley

    This was excellent, thank you.

  • Flannigan

    Unfortunately, this didn’t help.

  • Buda

    I am usually a very positive person and I can see the “glass half full” during crisis. “Someone always has it worse than you” is a mantra I repeat in times of strife. But, this time, I can’t get out of this “funk”. The usual remedies aren’t working and I’ve fallen into a deep depression. I don’t want to sound like a victim or selfish; I just really need some help and guidance.

    I am young and going through a divorce. I was married for a year and a half. My husband severely abused me – put me in the hospital twice and almost killed me. I began my new life at peace, happy, and eternally grateful for the strength and courage to leave and a second chance at life. I am well-educated, but can’t find a job. I make very poor money. I can’t pay majority of my bills and my credit reflects it. My car needed to be inspected but I didn’t have money for the necessary repairs (tires and brakes). Gradually, I have made the repairs so i can get my car inspected. Meantime, I have received a ticket every day for over 2 weeks for $41 for an expired inspection (outside my apartment the same cop drives by – I have nowhere else to park it). Planning on getting my car inspected with this paycheck, my car was vandalized this Saturday, making it not drivable. I don’t have money for the repairs, the tickets, and now I don’t have a way to my crappy job that will enable me to pay for the repairs. It is a vicious cycle.

    Then today, after working full time (about 50 hours a week) and going taking to grad classes 2 nights a week – 3 hours each and about 8 hours of homework – I find out that I got a 0 on my 31 page term paper b/c my professor believes I plagiarized; I got an F in the course. I swear on my mother’s life I did not plagiarise, they were my own words and I properly cited when I made references.

    Furthermore, I rent from a rental company that keeps poor recordkeeping. I am being sued for 3 months of rent they are claiming I never paid. I have money orders to prove I have paid and an email from the property manager stating my balance was zero during one of the months they are claiming I never paid. I won the first hearing, but I had to fight much harder than I should have given the evidence. Apparently, from what I’ve read, a lot of bullying exists in tenant -landlord court and I experienced it first hand. They appealed the decision and I have to go back to represent myself against some bully attorney for the apartment company. I don’t have money to pay for a lawyer nor should I have to! I’ve paid my rent and I have proof, but some how, it is still being disputed by these people.

    This may seem petty, but when you are constantly trying to better yourself and get out of a rut, and things keep happening preventing you to do so, what do you do? Is it a sign to make different decisions? Are you supposed to change your goals or do some more soul searching to discover what it is you are destined to do or supposed to do? Does destiny even exist? If you are meant to do something does it happen smoothly and when you are not meant to do something are there constant “road blockers” preventing you or making it more difficult for you to succeed?

    I just need guidance… I need to know what I have to do and I’ll do it. I am running out of ambition and strength to keep fighting…

    Again, I know my problems are mediocre compared to the problems of others. I just needed to vent. I feel so defeated and I just can’t understand why this shit keeps happening… I am becoming a negative depressed person and I have always been super happy and positive; I don’t like it. How do I fix it?

  • James

    Last week my watch was stolen at a mates house, someone we didn’t know too well had come back who knew a friend of a friend after a night and took the opportunity when we’d all fallen asleep. Went through exactly what is mentioned here and I tell you something I’ve certainly learnt from it. 1) never be too careful around people you don’t know too well especially after drinking heavily. 2) whatever has been stolen- move on from it. Dwelling on the issue is simply holding your life back, like what is mentioned learn from your mistakes and get on. Thanks for posting this Celestine Chua it really helped :)

  • Tiny Plant

    Thank you.. The post and the comments.. really helped me a lot.

  • that girl

    please don’t give up :D

  • dani

    the guy i was dating for three years referred me to his job he currently works at and i just got hired and that same day he breaks up with me. telling me he doesnt think he loves me anymore and he just wants to be “alone” how do i cope at work? it was hard enough getting the job due to sever social anxiety and he was my main support i dont know what to do..

  • gdazzles

    i’ve been reading joel osteen’s book and i’m not advertising here i just found it very helpful and now finding this blog, helps even more because i don’t feel isolated anymore. i understand how you feel, i was just feeling like that since yesterday. i’ve been fighting, and fighting and two days ago, i gave up and i took a giant step back. i’m not feeling the greatest right now. i want to say ‘i’m done. world, come get me.’ this is a different mantra than what i’m used to. i usually give myself a pep talk, something positive, but like i said, i just gave up.

    as i took my dog for a walk, i didn’t want to think about anything. i didn’t want to hear any pep talks. i didn’t want to focus on what i need to do next. i didn’t want to hear anything, if the world wants to get me, get me.

    then all of the sudden amidst my surrender to the world, i hear a tiny voice say, ‘for every bad thing that happens, something good will happen.’

    i thought i had given up, but the tiny voice in my head is still pushing through.
    getting some quiet time helped me. it helped me hear what my inner voice was saying. what do you think? want to give it a shot? i hope you get a positive result.

  • Sarah

    This is a really nice inspiring read :) Visit my blog below:

    http://sarahrehan23.blogspot.com/

  • Derek

    i drink

  • Starring_at_ the_Stars

    Love this! But one thing I kept wondering while reading, is how do we tell the difference between not giving up and fighting or accepting that maybe it is not what we are meant to do? (either at this point in our lives or to show us that this is not our purpose). There are defiently situations, like your own situation in the article that warrants not giving up but what about relationships or life choices regarding career ect.
    My example is were I am in my life at the moment. I have a chronic illness that lost me my job, friends, car and any money I had saved (due to ever increasing doctors bills)
    It has taken five years but I am starting to get some health back and decided my experiences with this illness must mean I should go back to university and study nutrition as it has personally helped me controll my illness. But I have had so many setbacks. It took half a year to get into the university due to errors on there part and now I have completed one semester and once again due to errors at the university I am no longer a student. Obviously the situation is a lot more complex than I have written (as that would take a small book) but I’m starting to question if this is just me needing to stick at it or if the universe is trying to tell me this is not my future path and is trying to mdirect me towards my real purpose.
    So was wondering how exactly do you tell the difference?

  • Just a little down…

    Well where do I begin?? It started with being diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes at the age of 11.. which I was able to master at my age now. It is always there and always controlling my life, but that is just the start. When I was 22 years old I started dating my best friend after being in a car accident with a drunk driver. I was hurt very bad, and he was so supportive made me feel like I was so important everything was perfect… until one day he told me something. He told me that my first love, the guy I gave my virginity to was sleeping with my older sister the entire time we were dating. I really lost my mind and started not trusting anyone. I hated my sister… how could she do this to me? My boyfriend at the time was very supportive he really helped me through it, until one day he decided that he needed to control me. He started making me fell that nobody would love me and he was the best thing that would ever happen to me. He would hit me and kick me in the face tell me he had a gun and force me to lock myself in a bedroom. I was scared but still stayed for 4.5 years, until we broke up. It was him actually, he asked me to move out of our house as he had met someone else. She was 18 and I was 27. I was heart broken, devastated but packed my things and left the place I once called home. I decided I was ready to move on and met another guy who is so wonderful to me, he treats me like a princess… but because of my fuc*&^ up past I can’t trust him, I am afraid of him (even though he never yells at me). He buys me the world and supports me through every thing that can possibly happen to me… but it is still not enough for me. Am I just damaged goods? Last night he suggested going our separate ways. That is not what I want to do at all. Why is it that when I feel down to I automatically turn to negative attention. How can I make this more positive? I am just looking to forget my past and look forward to my future with my great partner. HELP ME!!!!

  • rookie

    I am VERY NEW to this path and extremely. a huge problem im having is ive been with my company for 11 years. this past week I was able to pick up extra hours. when I got my check I saw I was not paid for these hours despite schedules and time cards. when I talked to my boss about it she first tried blaming me, then tried telling me my check wasn’t wrong, and then blamed someone else. She was irrational and told me she’d just pay me out of her own pocket. in the end she said my next check will have this miss pay on it. I felt like Ive been victimized and when I enter the building it comes back. Not only that she blamed my supervisors for the mess up, lectured them and now I have to report to them every time I stay late and im getting treated badly by them for it. The thing is come to find out she didn’t pay me because I didn’t pick up the weekend prior. I had worked the past 3 weekends and my family and I needed time. i feel like im still being victimized when i walk into work. i am surrounded by amazing handicapped individuals and co workers but im allowing the negative to drain me and am unable not to give them my best because of it. how do i let it go and allow my positive strength to not be drained?

  • grace

    sangospelltemple@gmail.com have asked me only to testify of his good works that he does through the power of his inherited elaniyei oracle,that is all that was required of me when i consulted him and i still got rid of my nightmares with his help. Thanks to Dr sango He is specialized on handling any of the listed 10 below, and you can demand for proof if you intend consulting hissangospelltemple@gmail.com and you will be so amazed.

    (1) If you want your ex back.
    (2) if you always have bad dreams.
    (3) You want to be promoted in your office.
    (4) You want women/men to run after you.
    (5) If you want a child.
    (6) You want to be very wealthy.
    (7) If you need financial assistance.
    (8) You want to tie your husband/wife to be yours forever.
    (9) You have been duped and you want to recover your lost money.
    (10) If you want to boost your businesses

  • lin

    I just want to share my own experience. My husband and I were married 2006 and we had a good start. We had businesses that’s stable until 2010 everything turns 360 degrees. We closed our businesses because of bankcruptcy. By the end of 2011 we had 1million pesos debt to his parents. Things get worst because of sibling war in their family. We had done everything to cope up, by the end 2012 our debts amounted to almost 1.7 million. My husband and I always fight because of our expenses. He blame me and lash out on me. I want to give up on him and wish I could go back to my parents but we have 4 kids. Until today we still have the same problem. Were stuck in debt and we felt like failure.

  • lala

    I have lots of problems at work everyday something bad happened to me at work… For my personal life I experienced a very hard time when my ex got married and put pictures with wife on facebook and wts app it really hurts!! Every man I liked after this was married… I decided to let all of this go, so I became more focused on my master’s thesis but unfortunately I am feeling that I need someone to love and be loved especially when I saw in television a man who purposed a woman I never get up in the morning behind a man’s arms I never been too close from someone… I can’t go with my master’s now and this really has a bad affect over my future.. I decided that maybe God doesn’t want me to love maybe he wants me to study only I shouldn’t think about someone I shouldn’t feel broken I should study and get my Phd to know that I am important person… I am crying now
    Thank you for this article :)

  • david ponce peña

    Gracias de corazon a usted a mi familia y todos miz amigos hoy se que cuento con muchos. Me quedo en mi lindo oregon!!

  • alex

    out in a relationship when a friends love groves into huge lust been using these steps to help me cope with it really great thanks

  • alex

    battling out of a shit hole is the hardest part in any mans or woman life im really thankful for going upon this path, helped a ton to cope with situations even when you think everyone is out there to get you makes me feel more comfortable without swinging 8 balls at people but also brainstorm and figure out were in life has the mistake been made,

  • lora

    Well I had a long answer to all your issues but somehow it got deleted. Too tired to retype.
    “When you think of all the things you want but don’t have. Just think about all the things you don’t have and wouldn’t want”

  • Steve Winofiend

    an old post but helped me somewhat just now. thanks. this past fortnight has had to have been some of the worst in a long time. every simple little thing, if it can, even if it has to find an unbelievable way to, go wrong, it will and has. things breaking without interaction, things becoming worse if I try to fix them. one after the other as if taunting me. along with my emotional strain and isolation, i am ready to throw my hands in the air and give up.

    and that would be the wrong choice… the only lesson i can take from this is to accept i will always have nothing and that i cannot fix things that are destined to not be mine. i suppose despite a life time of being humble and unassuming i have more to learn. sadly, it appears that I willbe learning until the day my last breath exists my body….

  • Onup

    I just came across this and it made me abit teary. I’m going through a really difficult time myself . My boyfriend ( thought he was the love of my life)left me when I got pregnant but eould support me in an abortion and then abandoned me in middle of having keyhole surgery to remove my fallopian tibe and a Blood transfusion. He wouldn’t speak to me ever again and blocked my phone. I’m dealing with abandonment and betrayal issues and its bought up a whole load of other stuff from childhood. At times like these its do difficult to know how to cope when everything comes into question. I’m about to pack in a 8 yr job, move country and start an ma degree, the unknown is terrifying and overwhelming. Reading your story and your attitude gives others hope in dealing with the most hardest times when nothing makes sense. I hope you are doing a million times better now.

  • itta

    Hello, I want to tell about my situation, I want some advice. After getting married I found my self pregnant directly after one month . My pregnancy conditions we terrible , at work my boss treated me very bad, shouted at me, stressed me in the daily work, he said that i am not working enough , knowing that the 5 employees left the department, and I have been left alone. He never saw that I was carrying a child,at 8 months I went to the hospital and the doctor said that I might give birth earlier(premature birth), I got into a depression and took some medicines to calm me down! I got into much troubles… I couldn’t breath anymore..in one year my life changed a lot ..the marriage itself changed my life, the baby, I left my work.. and now am staying at home taking care of the baby..I know she is innocent but I am deeply sad , I keep crying all day long…she is an angel but I lost..I don t want to tell anyone about my sadness. We are facing economical problems at home am dying from inside…I need to do something…I have to ..can’t take it anymore. I feel that the crisis and everything wrong is because of me

  • Logan

    I lost my best friend because his dog attacked me then they kept the dog because it was a puppy and I can’t see them anymore because of the law but his mom and my dad got in a fight ( not sure what about) and then she won’t respond to any calls and I don’t want to lose hope on him we have known each other our entire lives I can’t just froget!

  • Hate Life

    1) Don’t have close friends willing to listen

    2) Have been looking around for 10 years on the net, not really having much luck there…
    3) I was a doormat until I started getting frustrated with people’s bs
    4) A majority of the time, I DON’T have a choice, its things outside my control
    5) I DO objectify it, half the time that’s why I get pissed, because something this insignificant shouldn’t have to become this ridiculous chore jumping through several hoops to get a simple task done every time
    6) See #4
    7) Help usually just makes things worse, it always has in the past
    8) I’ve had enough with the obstacles, yes, life has obstacles, but they aren’t supposed to be at every little task that needs to be done in life
    9) The only lesson I’m learning is how much more I hate life, how the hell do I learn anything from genetic diseases? How to appreciate life?

  • bogus

    this is just lovely

  • herpies

    this is inspirational for young kid like me.

  • n4321Ls

    Flunked out of a boardexam 3times.. Whole of my future depending on it, people around me depends on it parents depend on me. Its just wtf. Still not givin up but it breaks my soul nd faith to peices

  • kristina

    I just came across this article and it is amazing to me. I am a single mother of a year old son that I see maybe 10 hours a week because I work at subway and don’t make enough to work only so many days. I work 10 hour days 5 outta seven and the other two are 12 hours a day. I got screwed out of my check three times now and I haven’t seen the money they owe me and my trailer park wants the rent. I pay almost 600 plus gas heat electric food diapers utilities etc…. My parents don’t help me because I had my son instead of putting him up for adoption or abortion. I’m 20 and I was 19 when I had my son, I can’t even get medical threw the state and so I am gonna run into issues with the government come January. I just hope I can do what you say, all my life people around me tell me I’m to stupid to do anything right and I’m beginning to believe them

  • Rosie

    Hi Kristina,
    You have kept your son and you are working hard tomprovide for him. I think you are very brave and strong to decidevto be a mum when all around you it seems people are against you.
    You are proving them wrong everyday, but more importantly you areshowing your son how much you love him…I believe in you stay strong x

  • Emma Ferris

    I use breathing exercises and Meditation to calm my mind and then slow down and take one step at a time. Hope this helps. Think about your problem and try to come up with a logical solution, try not to worry too much as it’s difficult to think logically when worrying.

  • kittendelight

    Feel pity for him for being such a coward. Stories like this just make me lose further hope in the world. I often wonder if there is more bad than good or whether we are just exposed to more bad. I hope things improve for you and that you meet someone worthy of your time! I get knocked down and hurt but I always get back up again. Unfortunately I have a habit of beating myself up for everything. including reaching out to people because then I think I’m complaining when I am actually venting about things that affect me, not something trivial.

  • Onup

    Thanks for your words. Please don’t lose further hope, then you’re allowing something else to beat you. Im still trying to find answers to the incident and I’m coming to the conclusion there are no answers. things just happen. you just have to learn from the sometimes truly awful lessons and try your best not to repeat them.
    Life is short. I’m learning to love and give to myself. At times like this, its all one can do.

  • Bilal

    Thank you for that. I really needed it especially right now :)

  • SoReal1

    You sound like a never-happy type of person who is angry all the time because their life is empty.
    You probably haven’t had any real, HUGE, life-threatening problems in your life.
    I’m only 17, and I’ve had horrible difficulties in numerous ways for the past 10 years and it’s getting worse year after year, so it is not fun to listen to bitter people like you complain for nothing.
    Sorry if I’m wrong, no one is perfect.

  • Meggs

    That is so true as I read what you said I feel better iam just learning that my ex husband had brainwashed me and my six children and abused us since returning to England we were homeless then poison by carbon monoxide but you are right there are people all over the world worse off than our selfs

  • Starting Over

    I think about this and how, it seems like I can’t win for losing sometimes and how bad things seem to randomly happen to me more so than most people I know… I mean… I recognize that I could have it soooooo much worse, but it’s sort of freakish sometimes. And I know I don’t want to have a victim mentality, and I look for the life lesson and all of those things but then sometimes I wonder if I’m just doing SOMETHING wrong? I mean… if i got on some strange path that I just shouldn’t be on and the universe is telling me that I wasn’t meant to be in THIS house and call this plumber at this moment who would end up messing up and flooding my whole house. I just look at other people in my age group, education level, etc. and I feel like… somewhere I’m making some bad choices or doing something wrong? And I know everyone has bad stretches and I’ve weathered deaths and divorces, and single parenthood, and I recycle, and I don’t kill bugs, and I try to give as well as receive, and I when I didn’t have hot water in my shower for a week, instead of complaining about it I tried to focus on how wonderful it is and how lucky I am for having so many wonderful people in my life offering to help me out and let me and my children stay with them. I really, truly, felt like the hot water going out was just a way for me to see that and appreciate it. But then I walked in to water pouring from my ceiling, with my two kids, after working all day… and I don’t know…sometimes… I just… i feel like i’m trying all of these things and to find the glass half full, and be zen, and understand that it will pass… and it just seems like a never ending boat of PURE exhaustion that will not end. I get it all done and then i put the kids to bed thanking the universe that they are healthy and happy and go downstairs to do the 8 million other things that need to be done BESIDES dealing with my flooded house, like lunches for school, and dishes and cleaning and clothes layed out, and sometimes I just sit in my laundry room and cry. and then i feel bad, because I KNOW it could be worse, but I’m just so tired.

  • GamerDragon

    Look on the bright side you only lost what was it 200 pages.. you could have lost all of your work..

  • kenny

    I’ve been going through a very stressful time in my life. It began with losing my car keys and having to pays hundreds of dollars just to program new ones. The funny thing is after purchasing the new set of keys someone calls me 2 hours later and tells me they have them. At that point I felt as if I was on a comedy show based on things stupid people do. This taught me to never leave important items unattended especially if they are expensive to replace. Forward about to weeks and I end up losing my mothers iPad, which cost me $180 to replace. Its not the money but the face that I cause myself and her stress over something that could of been easily avoided. Listen to this, the way I think it got lost is by me leaving it on top of my car and driving off. Yes I know I sound retarded but things like this really do happen to people, at least I think. Forward a week later its my prom weekend and thinking its going to be a get away from it all. Ended up to being more than just that, I ended up getting into an accident in my friends car! Im still waiting to deal with the consequences with that. If their insurance doesn’t cover it I will have to pay out of my pocket and thats talking even more hundreds maybe thousands. Forward till today is what made me feel as if I have to express myself and let it all out before I explode. Today I managed to total my side mirror backing up out of my driveway. This could of easily been avoided by just not going in reverse and acting as if i didn’t have more than enough space to get out. Im on my way to tell my father of what happened and I’m going to feel as a disappointment to them. Which is what is always comes down to and is what really scares me. Is them telling me that I’m a fuck up and why can’t i get my shit together. How am I suppose to focus on improving myself when I’m clouded with all these negative things happening lately. Im trying so hard not to feel sorry for myself and still pushing forward. Cause i know even though these things are happening there is still so much to be grateful for on a day to day basis.

  • Jay

    After 7.5 years of serving in a company, I got laid off along with a lot of other colleagues because they wanted to move the jobs to another place.

    Four months since and I’m struggling to find another job with the current market conditions. Maybe this is a test, for better things to come. Still, your post gives me hope, and I’m keeping mine up.

  • Gunny D

    I have a friend who is a war widow. Her boss was my unit leader who died 3 hours after returning home from Iraq. He had asked me to keep in touch with his wife for him when he was in Iraq to make sure she was Ok and I told him I would. I have kept that promise to this day, since 2003.

    She has made some major financial mistakes since that time and it constantly comes back to bite her. I have been an ear to her even when she has lashed out over the phone at me, has sworn at me, has threatened she doesn’t want to live anymore. I have been able to talk her down and get her to calm herself and it lasts for a while, but her “bad luck” rears it head yet again and we go through the same scenario of crying, talking down to herself, lives no worth living, etc… Sometimes I feel like she is human tick attached to me, but I suck it up and try as best I can to reason with her and to get her thinking rationally again.

    Well, we’re in a new chapter again today. She was saying over the weekend she was feeling the effects of the full moon and she was out of antidepressants. I could tell she wanted to talk, but I was sick with a bad sinus headache / infection and I didn’t feel up to talking. I explained I had taken some medication and wanted to lie down. I could tell she wasn’t happy about this and became very short with me while chatting. I avoided her luckily for the weekend to regroup myself.

    Today I see on Facebook that she got a call from someone that yet again creates a negative scenario for her regarding some property she owns. Well, I felt up to it and figured I would give her some time, so I called her and she told she she didn’t feel like talking and hung up. It felt passive aggressive on her part, but that’s Ok, I know she is upset.

    Bottom line is… I’m tired… I am tired dealing with her issues and it feels like I am having my life sucked out of me. Her daughters treat her like crap and talk down to her because they feel she should have given them more money than they got from their father’s death. So she doesn’t have them. She is definitely clinically depressed and I would love to say I can’t do it anymore, but I am worried of what she may do to herself. As I said, she has made statements about not wanting to live, in the past and yet again today. She sounds like a victim from what she typed on FB. Stepping back, I see she is her own victim of circumstances and I have know this for a long time. I even called the police to do a health and welfare check on her when she made a statement about her not wanting to live and she dumped that on me when I was working in Iraq.

    I am a practicing Buddhist and I have been since about 2007. I feel I have so much to learn still, but I try and show kindness and be compassionate to people. How do you do this with a person like this? I guess I am looking for guidance. I have been helping her with her emotional roller coaster now for almost 11 years. I’m kind of running out of steam.

    Sorry if this is long winded, but I have held this in for a long time and again, I am at a point where I need suggestions or guidance as a Buddhist to continue helping my friend. This article is what prompted me to ask. :)

    Thank you for your time.

  • Jane doe

    I am angry at age 64. I married this high profile physician 2 years who put on a great mask to reel me in, with his lies and false promises. I uprooted myself from my home, my job, my family and friends to be with him. As soon as I got there, he did a 360 degree change a round . His persona totally changed to negativity, anger, depressed, sarcastic and a rude tongue, not to mention his extreme cheapness, his kleptomaniac behavior, he is hoarder , lifts anything he can find in airlines, airport lounges, hotel rooms- he has a house and garage-full of all “stolen ” goods. He is a loner, depressed, sarcastic and a critical type of person. It’s all about him, his money , his health, his children- I have nothing in this marriage. Now he agrees he lied to me and misled me, so let’s call it a mistake, file for an uncontested divorce and go our different ways. It’s easy for him but for me it is like at this age I have start all over again. How do I cope with it?

  • Shotgun girl

    Thank you. I lost something small but it had a lot of sentimental value – a bracelet from my late husband. I was devastated, I overreacted, I beat myself up, beat others up (in my mind), thought it was punishment for being a terrible person – your article helped me work through it and I feel so much better. Thank you. You should be happy that you are able to make others feel better. It is a gift.

  • baba

    yes well said it is much more motivational now i m not thinking about the stuff that happen but as same you learn with such situation

  • Asit kumar mishra

    how to over come in bad sitatutions

  • Adam Ss

    That’s a very helpful topic.
    But it does only focus on the reactions on bad things that are affecting oneself. But what if these things are affecting others because of you/me? Like I have a small company running for 5 years and recently am not able to pay my employees their salaries and am feeling like am losing control over my company and my team. My bad things are that many clients are not paying on time and some big projects we had some fights because people when you ask them about money they start nagging and running away so we went to the court but in the end the employees can’t survive for months without return and I have no backups anymore. When it happened on a first project I said it is OK I will recover . the second project I said it is by accident. Now the third project and fourth project the same situation. Am feeling like god or life don’t want me to continue with my company anymore. I can’t handle more stress and my employees and suppliers are asking for the money and you know how bad that feeling is…

  • nada ferro

    Why you say that Cathy maybe I don’t know you but I can share with you a difficult situation

  • sarah

    what to do when you think you could prevented something . ?

  • sarah

    what to do when you think you could of prevented something and have trouble accepting ?that maybe you didnt know .?