Thank you Lori,

I love this sentance ‘ It’s only when we’re fully comfortable being alone that we’re able to be comfortable with other people.”

It’s so true

You’re most welcome! 

You’re most welcome! 

Perhaps my word choice was not quite accurate. There was a time when I used to isolate myself–not because I enjoyed my alone time, but because I was scared of people. These days, I love spending time by myself, simply because there’s a lot that I enjoy doing alone. And I’m with you–books, writing, music, contemplation, and movies are all awesome things!

It’s kind of sad that introversion is given such bad press in society. As a child, I loved my time alone, reading, thinking, and drawing, but was made to feel as if there was something wrong with me. I would force myself to be more social, but it was awkward, and made me feel even worse.

The more I learned that I gain my energy from being alone, it’s made me seek like minded people, and I have the kind of friends who know that there are times when I need to be alone, and they respect that, and I do the same for them.

Of course, I’m married to an extrovert. It has its challenges, but more joys, and we both learn.

Somehow your posts always show at the right time. After almost 10 years of dealing with strong relationships, and even moving in to share my life with someone who apparently was my other half, I’m forced to faced the side of solitude. Never in my life was I alone, both in the sens of a romantic relationship or a friendship. I was always told there would come a time where I should face time on my own, and above all learn to appreciate it. Between break ups and come back I really never had the taste of loneliness, and was in fact ridiculously scared from it. Now, it’s been almost 4 months since I don’t set into a formal relationship and almost a month since I started using my free time for ME. No waiting for calls, no waiting for plans, no waiting for anyone. And though it’s not easy, let me tell you I’ve started to enjoy it. I look forward each morning to have this personal space, to meditate, to exercise, to read, and simply to be me, without having to worry about others. And somehow what you say “It’s only when we’re fully comfortable being alone that we’re able to be comfortable with other people.” is so true. Many times I could find myself hanging out with others but feeling quite strange! So I guess its time to embrace my solitude for my own benefit, however in the back of my head stands a questions “would there be the possibility that I get too confortable in my loneliness that I wouldn’t want to open up again to another relationship?” that scares me! Thank you Lori

Great Post. Being alone though as blissful as it is can be intimidating for some. I personally love my ‘me times’ but walking into a restaurant and getting a table for one is not something everyone is comfortable with. 

We need to change our mentality of looking at being alone as a bad thing, its rather rejuvenating and absolutely essential. Reminds me of an article I had written a while ago about going on a date with yourself - http://curiouslounge.blogspot.com/2010/05/date-with-yourself.html

Thanks for the great reminder!

Although I *LOVE* being with other people like friends, family, coworkers etc, and I seek them out regularly along with plenty of hosting opportunities, nothing is  more peaceful, more sweet, and more freeing, than spending time alone.

On a deeper level, as much as I love entertainment, games, and riding my bicycle, nothing is more peaceful, more sweet and more freeing than doing nothing; sitting in stillness, and just smiling to myself quietly.

I will choose to let someone visit over getting extra time alone MOST of the time because I love people, but sometimes I prioritize the aloneness, even when I have oceans of it. Aloneness is precious! Protect it and seek it with joy just as much as a night out with friends.

I wish we could all learn that secret ticklish inner smile where need does not exist and that the moment is perfect, especially when there’s nothing in it.

I have traveled so much through the inside of my person, that I already feel like I’ve visited worlds within worlds. I’ve also moved 25+ times in life and have seen a LOT of places anyway. Travelling to see the world doesn’t interest me as much as, “now why did I feel THAT way in relation to THIS event?” I’d rather BE, then DO.

I love who I’ve become as a result of cherishing my alone time. I’m a much better listener. I know more about what it is to be human, to feel, and hold in and to express. When people share their lives with me, I can understand them a whole lot more, and be helpful. I know what parts of a dialog are disposable story, and which are expressions of core self. I wouldn’t trade this knowing for anything! The world makes more sense the more I enrich my life with self-connection. The crazy things people do make more sense. And the separation between thought and being has never been more clear (first key to sanity: notice your thoughts, but don’t blindly believe them).

Not that aloneness truly exists. We’re all dense pockets of energy from the same unified energy field. Nobody is ever alone, not really; maybe to the five senses and to the insecure emotional system, but in ultimate reality, nothing is separate. 

I totally agree that alone and solitude are two different things . I enjoy my solitude , I work in the public sector and I have 6 kids (only 3 live at home )6 grandkids all of them are to young to give me stress and a husband that commute to another state for work. My kids   feel bad when I say I love to me alone I can read a magazine over and over ,watch  TV, News,movies that I enjoy and just relaxing. I made my bedroom my retreat with everything I enjoy. I am contemplating adding a coffee maker:0 I already have a mini fridge and lounge area Its my favorite place that I can practice the Art of solitude……………drink Tea, or coffe kick off my shoes and hang out with my favorite person ME;)I love Tiny Buddha

That was wonderfully enjoyable video! Thank You

Great post!  I have always loved being alone but thought that other people found me a bit odd.  So I would surround myself with people to ‘fit in’  These days I have accepted myself more and now cultivate friendships with people who understand that I don’t need to catch up all the time.  I am still there to support my friends when they need me and I love and cherish them no less than if I where to talk with them every day.  Eating out, visiting museums, movies, travel and exercise are just as enjoyable alone.

Vera, it sounds like we would get along fabulously. =) I really enjoy my alone time, as well. My challenge has been learning to find balance. So long as a make a conscious effort to be social (and not just with my boyfriend, who is also my best friend), I also get my energy from being alone. My boyfriend is an extrovert, as well. He and I have a nice balance, I think.

You’re most welcome. How wonderful that you’re really embracing time with yourself and enjoying the experience. I think it all comes back to balance. As long as you’re not isolating yourself (which I used to do–quite different from being alone), I’m sure you’ll be open to a relationship when the time is right.

That sounds great, Lectrice! One day, when my boyfriend and I move into a larger space, I am going to create a room just for me. Ideally, I want it to be a place with a mirror for yoga, a table for art projects, and a sewing machine so I can make my own clothes–a place for creativity and introspection. (If I could also fit a jacuzzi tub in there, I would likely never leave!)

It’s true, as the cliche goes–time flies when you’re having fun!

You’re most welcome. I loved it, too!

That’s great that you’ve made friends with people who understand and appreciate your nature. That’s true friendship, I think.

I’m glad you like it and can identify! It really is great stuff.  Yup, getting to know me only improves in time! I keep learning.

“I think that’s where my compassion comes from, as well. I’ve spent a lot of time looking within, so I can understand and empathize with people on a deep, emotional level. ”

Exactly!

I’m a loner! When people ask me, “How can you like being by yourself?”. Well, I guess I’m just a weirdo. Honestly, I feel more productive and centered.
Definitely difficult for my relationships but that’s a different topic.

34 years and have always been a loner. I used to yearn for attention and friendship, but my reflections have shown that no matter my strivings and desperation, I was and am a loner.
Sometimes it feels gloomy, especially when I see couples holding hands and playing with their kids. Yet, I am ill at ease in social gatherings and will spend days in my apartment without being too bothered by what’s happening outside.
I am daily learning to undo the programming of our extroverted, social but disconnected society. Sometimes I fail, but always I am reminded of who I truly am- a loner.
Thank you for this site and thank you the video. I can accept myself.

I love being alone. But I don’t know how to not be in a relationship. It’s very lonely and very gloomy without a partner to share life with. I’m good at being alone. But utter aloneness is painful.

You’re most welcome Catarina!

That’s wonderful, that you’ve found such joy and pleasure in your alone time! I find some of my favorite blocks of time are the ones I spend taking baths, relaxing with a book, and sitting outside by myself. So long as I’m not isolating myself to avoid people, it’s definitely satisfying to just be with myself.

I’m curious about what you wrote about your husband. You mentioned you see him once a month and that it feels like he’s taking away your alone time. Do you also enjoy spending time with him? I know it can be hard to strike that balance with relationships, and I guess I’m just curious what you think/feel about that.

I understand Liz. I’ve felt this way at times, as well. Have you seen this post?

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/5-tips-to-recognize-and-honor-your-needs-in-relationships/

it’s about honoring your needs in romantic relationships, but I think it can apply in all relationships. Perhaps this will help you, in terms of allowing yourself time/space to do what you need to do for you…even if others may seem to want something else from you!