Hi Jess,

The reason he is not fighting was he told you, he does not want to be in a relationship right now, that he is confused and lost, and is feeling depressed and had SAD. I too suffer from mental illness and SAD, it is very debilitating, and one barely has energy to make it out of bed, or to make it through the dday, so the last thing they want to do, is fight for a relationship. He was very open and honest to you about his feelings. He didn’t just “up and leave” and he was not belittling toward you, so try to respect his wishes to get through what he needs to get through and don’t hold any resentment toward him. We can’t be resentful to someone, when we are not fighting their battles.

Maybe, he wants to give you both some space right now, so he can figure things out. He may be trying to figure out what he needs to do with his confusion and sadness. Whether it’s professional help, medication, etc. I am on Wellbutrin which has really helped me with SAD. All you can do right now is be supportive and respect his wishes, and if you are meant to be, he will find his way back to you.

Hey Jess,

I am a guy with anxiety, and it sabotaged one of my past relationships and I think I may be able to help you understand him.

With anxiety, your brain is literally on fire….It depends on what is causing the anxiety for him, but it is most likely that he has lost himself and it is incredibly embarrassing and emasculating for him to have this mental illness while he is with you. As guys, we like to feel invincible and make our girl believe that nothing can hurt us. When I went through anxiety, my girlfriend tried helping me, but it was honestly my battle to fight.

We broke up later because of money, but I can’t lie, my anxiety was a major enemy to our relationship. Please understand, that he broke up with you because he is a wounded animal right now and in nature, you need to leave wounded animals alone. He needs to conquer this dragon on his own. Once he has done that, he may come back to you, or you might find someone new. I can pretty much guarantee you that he is hurting alot right now, doubting himself as a man for not being able to control his anxiety for you. He wanted to be strong for you, but because he couldn’t, he broke up with you as a defense mechanism.

Give him time, and as for you, listen to some good music. Go on walks in the park! Travel maybe! I hope I’ve cleared up things a tiny bit.

-Lonely Viking

Hello Jess and Lonely Viking:

I just joined this forum specifically to ask you two a couple things.  I’ve been recently dumped by a great love due to his anxiety (which was never discussed with me and came out in an explosive crazy week in Cuba.)  Long story but you can imagine.  He was constantly triggered and I didn’t have a clue who I was with for the entire trip and was quite scary.  He came clean once we returned home about what he’s suffered with since he was 20.  He is now 59.    Through a ton of research I can understand, though shattered how I never had a chance due to the lack of communication on his condition.  Unfortunately it’s hard for me to heal for we had fallen deeply in love prior and had a wonderful connection.  A rare thing indeed as you know (especially at our age!)  I care deeply for this man!  Looking back I can see the small little things in his behavior that were due to anxiety, but I HAD NO IDEA the severity of the condition and how it can turn extremely dark.    Now I am pushed away, and I feel like my hands are tied.

Jess… how are you now doing now with the time that has passed?

Lonely Viking…  glad you are self aware and are able to share your experiences.  Have you improved your skills to cope better with the demons?  Do you feel like you are capable of having a relationship?  Does the anxiety overbear the possibility of letting love in?

Thank you for your time and I hope to hear back!  🙂

Dana