Thank you all for your responses.  Sorry I took so long to find my way back here.

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Kevin,

I do appreciate you expressing the need for support.  I did read that that day and wept.  It is true and I am often having inner conflict on how to be strong that I forget to surrender to seeking and receiving enotional support.  Your words very timely, thank you!

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anita,

Yes, I think more objectivity would help us both.  I went to temple a few weeks before this post.  It was a classroom discussion and he asked what causes me suffering.  Without going into detail, I mentioned my sons illness. He metioned that in Buddhism, we are all equal.  I have since been tossing that thought around in my head to try to gather the meaning better.  He mentioned that he also is ill.  I get the feeling he himself may have a terminal illness.  While I do feel saddened also towards the teacher that evening, it does not compare to the sadness I feel for my son, I did not dwell in a state of suffering for him.  I am trying to sort out my beliefs that allow me to be more objective or seperate from the teachers suffering, but not my son’s.  I suspect that if I can see my son as equal importance as all others in the world, then maybe I will not force suffering upon myself via my view of his experiences?  Or maybe I elevate myself to a position of responsibility for son’s suffering and I need to adjust my self view/self importance?  Maybe I feel it is somehow my job to erase his suffering or make meaning of it. Idk, I’m still mulling this around.

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Eliana,

Thank you for your thoughts on my situation.  My worry does not necessarily serve the situation.  Tbh, to some extent though, it can be a motivating force for me to take action.  Had I not been so worried, I would not have tried coping via reaching out and obtaiinng some good info into his condition.  Yet, excessive worry and suffering on my part does not enhance this.  Sometimes I can feel guilty, so hearing this can be helpful.  My guilt over his difficulties really doesn’t lessen them.  Yes, he is very empathetic and can feel my ability to cope or not cope, very true.

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Thanks again for listening and replying…  This feels like such a taboo topic in my life.  No one cares for me to discuss this, it feels like an alienating topic so I am especially grateful for the interaction here.  After posting this, the next day my good friend “broke up” with me impulsively.  I think my life and sharing it with him suddenly became overwhelming.  My other friends would find the topic too depressing for me to disscuss much at all.  Anyway… thank you!!!