Dear Anita,

Pinot noir yes! Next – HAHAHAHAH

I literally laughed out loud at your response at home- My dog looked at me funny!! The reason I asked for your input for the text message above is because I knew that you would tell me something honest. Oh my gosh I love your response I can’t stop smiling and laughing! The authenticity of our interactions!

So…I agree. Entirely. I thought the same exact thing, the part of it that I didn’t pick up on is what you said, you are a terrible sister. You are right. She is insinuating that I am not doing my role. “Role” as a good sister

Her text message was in a big way – a reminder to me saying “hey I know that you don’t really care about me as a priority, but I’m fine over here, here are some issues that I may have just in case you’re wondering, but you’re likely not wondering because you’re a selfish. A sister that no longer cares at my my day-to-day life or my safety. But in case you find it in your heart to care about me here is some information I will tell you.”

———

So when I read this message I was at brunch with my husband. I did not drop everything to respond to her. But I will tell you the few things that went through my mind.
First of all I read it and I was astonished. I thought, what are you talking about? If I was actually worried about the earthquakes and your trip I would’ve reached out to you. You’re making something up just to find an excuse to talk to me so that you can shame me for not caring about something as worldly as an earthquake!!! I’m not an idiot, I know about natural disasters, and I wouldn’t let anyone I know go on a trip to a national disaster place. Also no one goes on a trip —a girls trip to a place that just had an earthquake if it is in shambles. No one does that. It’s not a thing. so there was zero risk of that happening. Don’t bring up stuff to get attention.

Next, you mention the part about the cockroaches in your apartment. The old me would have dropped everything and said what can I do to help you. You said there are cockroaches in my apartment since Sunday, the exterminators are coming.

i respond to the text with this:

“Glad you can still go on your trip, yes go ahead and send me any information you would like. Oh that sucks the cockroaches, glad it’s getting settled – I hope thats been OK for you.
her response:

No it’s been kinda scary and horrible-the cockroaches lol”

—

lol?

She’s making a joke about a response. If that response came from anyone else it would be funny. It could even be a laugh out loud moment. Of all things cockroaches! A typical classic New York City scenario not uncommon! But here she is, Not trying to quell my fears, not trying to say hey sister I’m fine, no need to worry. She’s trying to do the opposite, she’s trying to instigate worry in me!!! A younger sister who actually cares about what I texted her that I’m going to be missing in action and not really be available would not go out of her way to remind me of something that she is going through  if it’s frivolous like cockroaches!! She would not go out of her way to find a way to have me concerned!! She would not go out of her way to remind me that she exists and I should be on her radar.

I did not get mad at her text, I responded above, nicely and politely like I would do to anyone else. The thing is, she’s not just anyone else, she is my sister and we have had a lot of history.
She told me that she would send the addresses to me. This is something that we always have done for our parents in the past. Normal thing when traveling. Tell them our itinerary. Sure. Perhaps she misses having that security, someone looking over her. That makes sense, and any psychology book you would read that, a child or person that has recently gone no contact is going to crave that parental figure, someone who is concerned about them  looking over them, someone that they can rely on.

got it.

But if you’re so concerned about having this person who is someone you can rely on, someone who wants to give you safety. A figure that is there for love and support, why would you be passive aggressive? Why would you act like an unpredictable b****? Why would you sabotage this by acting impulsively and brash, And not respecting someone in this scenario?

when I say not respecting I’m not saying that she sitting there throwing bricks at us and cursing us out every day. But the way that she acts passive aggressive is still not an excuse. She is unpredictable and the way that she shows concern and respect. Just two weekends ago she was extremely rude.

My dog was staying with her for a day because she stated that she was going to miss him if we move. She wanted him to spend more time with her dog before we moved. So I gave in and said OK I have to go to Philadelphia for an evening, so why doesn’t he come over then. What ended up happening is the following. Our event in Philadelphia ended up being longer than usual. The friend that I was spending time with is actually a very close friend of mine, s. And someone else who you don’t know. Anyway, we are like family I’ve known them for a long time. The parents invited me to their house for dinner, which is right outside of Philadelphia, after the event that we went to. So I was texting my sister that we might end up actually staying another night in Philadelphia, or coming home really late.

Earlier that day she talked about how Much she loved my dog, and was so happy to have them over, and it was brilliant seeing both of the dogs playing together, heartwarming. She said pick him up at any time this weekend. Best time ever and so many fun pics and videos. I said great, we exchange some pictures from my day  and that was that. So then, backing up, I text her and say that we might end up coming home later than we thought, and might even end up staying an extra night in Philadelphia as we are going over for dinner after the event. Therefore it’s going to be later, as of course New York City is a 2 Hour Drive.
At first she responds fine, and then she talks about how she is not feeling well, and she is feeling sick. I said to her, OK well if you’re not feeling OK we can come back early. She then starts texting things like let’s stick to the prior plan. Anything later than the evening is not going to be OK for me. I really need to get rest, (side note my  dog doesn’t let anyone sleep in – my Husband and I are accustomed to this because given our fields, we hardly ever sleep in past 7 AM hence why he as a dog child is likely used to this). She said that she has a bad cold and so she’s going to sleep early and wants to get a good nights sleep before the work week.
I said OK, well in that case why don’t I pay for your cab to go across town and why don’t you just drop him off in my apartment? So that you can go to sleep in peace and you know that he won’t be waking you up at 7 AM on a Sunday.

she says no. “No, I can’t do that. It’s P birthday and we are all going out.” I think to myself OK so you’re too sick to have my dog over, someone that you really want it over and kept going on and on about. But you’re not sick enough to go out with your friend. I reasoned with myself, I remember being in my mid 20s, and I would never give up a social event even if I wasn’t feeling well. So I got it. I remember those days  but hmmmm

Sometime passes and I was spending some time with my Philadelphia Crew. I half an hour or so later, all of them kept begging us to stay over. We hadn’t had a Philly reunion in years, and so therefore they were saying, please stay longer let’s have dinner and have you guys stay over, we need some quality time.

I text my sister again, like a normal sister. I tell her all about the friends that we are hanging out with and I tell her, everyone’s asking us to stay later, so what do you think?  She replies, OK it’s fine I’ll just keep him over.
ok.

What a strange turn of events all day she was going on and telling me all about her day, sending me millions of pictures, and now all of a sudden her demeanor changed. Now she was direct and certain and not warm.
Ok.
So we had to our friends apartment after our dinner, it’s about 9 PM, we all have a glass of wine and some chatter. My husband and I are not feeling so comfortable, first of all we didn’t necessarily want to sleep over as there was a full house, and we had already lost a lot of sleep the night before, sleeping in our own beds was probably something we needed. Second of all, my sister’s demeanor with that Chad didn’t make us feeling very comfortable about keeping our dog with her, if you know what I mean. It wasn’t a warm and fuzzy and comforting situation. So at 10 PM we started driving back. No big deal.
I text her and say- Hey we are not going to sleep over after all, driving back now I’ll be home around midnight. Please keep your door open I will come in and grab the dog, I know you will be sleeping because you don’t feel good.
her response:

oh I will be up then – and she proceeds to send me a barrage of pictures of the dogs.
—-

at that point I hate to say it but my response our loud to my husband was this:

this chick is insane.
—-

Back and forth and back and forth. Luckily I did not allow her to take away from my quality time in Philadelphia. But it started off with her super excited about spending time with the dogs. If that and went to her being stressed out about feeling ill. I don’t want to anger and passive aggressive behavior for keeping my dog, and having him potentially disturb her sleep that she so very much needed. It ended up with her giving in in an aggressive way and saying fine I’ll deal with it. And then after the fact when I try to accommodate again at almost midnight, she acts like she is as lighthearted and fun as could be and states oh don’t worry, I’ll just be fine, I’ll be awake. And proceeds to send funny pictures of the dogs like nothing ever happened. As though —-yay happy dog lover having a blast over here.

It was then that I knew that I was no longer dealing with a normal person. It was then that I knew that my sister has a serious personality disorder. It was then that I knew that she could never be a part of my inner circle. It was then that I knew that I had to tell Anita, and that this was something big. My sister is much more damaged – but more so damaging to me than I ever thought.

• This reply was modified 4 years, 11 months ago by Cali Chica.
• This reply was modified 4 years, 11 months ago by Cali Chica.