@Rhaenys it’s nice to hear back from you and to learn of your wonderful news, the new man on the scene sounds so mature and thoughtful, which is promising as you don’t want puppy love again!

You have had a bad deal in relationships but remember it’s given you so much experience, you have learned who you are,  what your wants and needs are.

You’ll enter a relationship being you and should take things at your own pace. Remain in the moment, don’t let fears rule but take lessons from your past and if you notice any distinct red flags don’t settle out of fear!

Some well deserved attention can fool us too, if we don’t focus on a person’s actual character and qualities and just get caught up in the idea of being in love or having a relationship with someone.

Slow and steady wins the race! Do keep us updated and I have my fingers crossed everything works out and progresses. Hope you feel much happier now you’re on vacation and able to be out and about on dates and restrictions in your country are lifting. Just realised I’ve never asked but where are you from?

Thank you for your sweet words to me too. I didn’t quite understand what you meant by the sentence… “did your boyfriend tell you” but he’s not the type who is jealous or restricts me from seeing anyone or talking to anyone. I wouldn’t put up with insecure or controlling behaviour. Having a secure partner makes the world of difference.

Sorry @Dannydan and @Rhaenys if I have been late to reply but yesterday evening I met up with my ex (my bf knew) and I’m emotionally exhausted. I don’t want to rehash everything but it’s safe to say @Dannydan and @Jay2023 you were right. We can not possibly be friends right now or ever, he still has feelings which he would act on if the moment presented itself.

He has matured from before, he is learning to be expressive, he was very vulnerable last night with his emotions, when I told him about my bf, he said he could see my eyes light up and although he is so regretful for throwing it all away, he conceded he’s realised this was not a rebound for me and he’s not the one for me anymore, that we will not be finding our way back to each other.

For most part I am glad I didn’t just ghost him, that i met him in person and we had a real grown up conversation and my heart feels better for it. It’s also sad, it hurt some because I did love him with all my heart at one point and I saw how much it was hurting him in person which is not a nice feeling when you still care about someone.

I asked him about us being friends, he went quiet then what @Jay2023 and @Dannydan had been saying about how it’s so difficult to and the pain when feelings are still there came to my head and so I made a decision for him and said i wanted to move on and so should you.

After seeing him in person and realising his feelings I knew just cutting ties is for the best for him right now and I’ve reached a point in my life I want better for myself and I have it, he may have done the work I always wanted but its all too late being friends right now isn’t my priority. We hugged. I could see he wanted to hold on in a lingering embrace but I pulled away out of respect to my boyfriend.

I’m definitely not going to throw away a relationship with my bf who is everything I needed and want in a partner; he is academically and emotionally intelligent. He spoils me, is a giver in everyway, patient and not afraid to be expressive like so many men,  he is mature and very secure person who doesn’t do anything by force but is able to empathise which I find hot and attractive. I love we can still talk about anything just cuddled up and he takes his time to understand my emotions and he values my expressiveness too. I love him.

Meeting or talking to an ex often makes most people who still harbour feelings even if subconsciously, those feelings rise to the surface and become stirred but I didn’t feel any regret, any what ifs, or desire.

I felt it solidified my current relationship further my mind didn’t once wander. So I know I’m with the right person and I think I needed this meeting just to ensure my reasons for being friends were what I had told you guys and they were. I just care about him still and always will. That’s okay. Like you said Danny I deserve to be happy and it’s time to just focus on me.

He knows I’m serious about my bf and from some of the conversation after that point sunk in for him I have a feeling instead of turning this rejection into growth and looking inwardly. The ex will now just throw himself into a relationship with someone he can settle on and rush it, just to not feel these feelings and to not feel lonely. He said he was tired. When people are tired they go for the easy option and settle for what they can get out of fear instead of sitting with their feelings and working on themselves which is hard.

He’s a fake it until you make it type, never really gaining confidence or sourcing his own happiness from himself but using other people or things to fill the gaps. With the hard work I’ve done i can see this will eventually cause resentment and fractions in his relationships because he’s going into them for the wrong reason but it’s his lessons to learn. It is sad because I want him to be happy.

In conclusion if I can give any words of wisdom is discussion is always better in person and better than ignoring. Don’t follow the relationship gurus but follow your heart and listen to what your mind, body and soul need. I feel much lighter and ready for what adventure awaits. I have no guilt I never tried to salvage a friendship. I have no regrets from the way I treated him and the love I have to that relationship. I did all I could for him and I’m happy with the human I am.