Dear Tee,

Validating the person’s pain is the first step to empathy.
I understood this

In fact, there is a step before that: In order to validate another person’s pain, we need to first be in touch with our own pain and validate our pain. We can’t be empathetic with others unless we feel empathy for ourselves first.
But I couldn’t understand this. What if we didn’t have the similar pain or experience?

It seems to me, Addy, that the reason you don’t like listening to people “complaining” (i.e. sharing about something that bothers them) is that their pain reminds you of your pain, and you don’t want to get in touch with that pain (the pain you’ve experienced as a child and youth being heavily criticized by your father). You want to quickly jump to solutions, without “sitting” with that pain, without even admitting it’s there.

Hmm This is something I have to think about and ask questions to myself

Empathy is the opposite of that: admitting the pain, sitting with it, not judging ourselves for it, just witnessing it and having compassion for ourselves for having experienced such pain.

Yes I think you explained it well.